i just want to go home and cry.

monday blues

i am in such a bummer of a mood today. i feel just so down. no real reason, either. just down, like i woke up on the blue side of the bed or something. nothing has happened to make me feel this way, that i can think of, at least. all i want to do is curl up under the covers in bed with the kitties. i don't want to talk to anyone or do anything. just lay there and be.

this weekend was nothing special. friday night hubby and i went to dinner a diner in town that had fantastic burgers, onion rings and fries. we went to bed early as it had been a long week for both of us. saturday i had to get the oil changed on my car and that took forever. and hour and a half, to be exact. but, i got a 10% coupon for next time since i had to wait so long. since the weather was so nice out hubby wanted to go to the home improvement store to buy steer manure for the garden. we had to drive around to a few places to finally get what we were looking for as everyone else had the same idea we did and most of the places we went to were out.

by the time we got home, it was mid afternoon and i began to clean the house - it was a disaster. hubby worked out in the yard and was beat by the time he was done. we headed up to his folks house and sat in their hot tub for a while. it was great. they have redwood deck under all these beautiful trees and there were tons of birds out. it was very serene. by the time we got home, we didn't want to cook so i picked up some mexican food. we watched tv for a while then i headed off to bed with the kitties.

sunday i had to go into the office for a while - right now i'm working on 4 people's travel schedule in europe so since the time difference is between 8-9 hours depending on where they are - i have to do work at strange times. as i was leaving, the groundsman asked if i wanted a coffee, so we went to starbucks.

while there, i ran into a bunch of people i knew and ended up sitting outside with th e goundsman and 2 other friends. every time i go to starbucks or safeway, i run into people i know. i like that. well, today i don't think i'd like that so much as i'm feeling very antisocial today. but most days, i like to run into people.

later in the afternoon i went and got another tattoo. one of my girlfriends was going to go with me, but she ended up having to work. i got 3 cherry blossoms with a single petal falling on the inside of my left forearm. it's pretty big, actually. i do like it a lot, though. i like the symbolism a lot - each blossom represents something important in my life and the falling petal reminds me how delicate those things are.

i feel my life pulling me in a direction that i'm not so sure of. i really don't know where i'm going or what i'm up for, but i'm definitely going somewhere. something is happening, yet i can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is. maybe that has something to do with my melancholy mood today.

i ran out to my favorite, mcydees this morning and got a bacon,egg and cheese mcgriddle, but that didn't really cheer me up as i hoped it would. it was sure tasty, though.

i'm taking a late lunch today to take atty to the vet for his checkup. he has to get his rabies shot today, though, poor little buddy. hopefully i'll be able to get him in the box easier this time....


thirteen things that are in my shower/bath

1. bumble and bumble gentle shampoo

2. bumble and bumble seaweed conditioner

3. bliss magnolia body scrub

4. aveda shapure shampoo

5. philosophy purity face wash

6. neurtogena acne wash

7. bath and body works midnight pomegranete bubble bath

8. wash your sins away bubble bath

9. old spice shower gel

10. white rain citrus shampoo

11. emergenc citrus face scrub

12. venus razor

13. skintimate citrus shaving cream




ho hum

so the bosses are out of town for the next week and a half. but i have a lot to do here so it's not like i'll have that much free time.

i had to take atty to the vet this morning. seems he and finn were playing and finn scratched atty's eye. i'm so sad. his poor little left eye has a gnarly scratch and he's all teary from that eye. he's such a little trooper, though, and has been the biggest cuddle bug. but i need to get him in today so that he gets all better. i've been giving him extra love and giving finn the evil eye for hurting him. i know it was an accident, but still. the little bugger put up quite the fight getting into the cat box, so i ended up just grabbing him and putting him in my car. he did quite well at the vet's office, considering he got drops in his eye and was surrounded by strange people. i'll have to give him drops now 3 times a day until monday. when i got him home, he scurried straight away under the bed. poor little fellow.

anywho...last night went well. it was my second time speaking at a meeting and this meeting was tiny compared to my first go at it when i was just over a year sober. the first meeting had about 100 people and last night only had 12. it was still a bit nerve racking. but i managed to get through it. hubby decided he had to go hunting instead of being there. nice, huh!

but, i did get the nicest message from terry. it was such a wonderfully nice surprise. it almost made me tear up. thank you thank you thank you terry.

speaking of surprises, my folks called me last night. i decided to take their call and it was the same old stuff and i figured it would be. my mother berated me for disrespecting her by calling her a bitter old woman several times when i was home last. she demanded i apologize and i did, but didn't mean it. if that's what she wants to hear, then fine. but i'm not sorry i called her that. it's exactly how i feel. but whatever. things will never change with them and i have accepted that. when i told them yesterday was my 18 month sobriety date, they didn't really have a response. they said 'that's nice'. they have no concept of anything, but again, i have accepted that.

i'm drained from my vet visit and that i didn't take my heart medicine this morning because i didn't go to the pharmacy to pick it up. i'll go at lunchtime and take care of that, lest my heart keeps beating like i've run a marathon!


it's a beautiful day outside. i just took that photo from my front porch. it's chilly right now, but it will warm up to about 80 later this afternoon. i don't really have much planned for this weekend and that's so great. i'm meeting a friend for coffee around 10:30 this morning then heading to a late lunch with another friend around 2 this afternoon. hubby is out running with a friend then doing car stuff later. i'm glad for the alone time right now.

this week was a hectic one as work in getting busier. it's still good, but is definitly keeping me on my toes. we're gearing up for a big event in about 2 1/2 months so it's full speed ahead.

i went to a really good meeting last night that i almost didn't make...i had come home from work and fell asleep while playing with the kitties. i thought hubby would be home, but his battery ended up dying so he didn't make it in time. his cell phone call woke me up and i was on my way. while i was at the meeting, someone asked me to speak at a meeting on wednesday night.

yikes!

and as i was writing it down in my calendar, i realized that on wednesday i will be sober for a year and a half. that is just so crazy. good crazy, but still crazy.

well, i better get a load of laundry going and clean a little before i take off for coffee....


Thirteen Reasons I love Living in California

1. the weather is almost always loverly. right now it's 84 outside and i sat outside for lunch today

2. in a few short hours, you can drive to the mountains, the desert, the ocean, another state or another country

3. even the most conservative people are pretty liberal compared to the rest of the country

4. people are more open minded here

5. the cows are happier

6. we grow most of our own agriculture and most of the ag for the rest of the world, as well

7. we have really great colleges

8. we have fantastic shopping

9. many great bands started here

10. we are very culturally diverse

11. it's only a 5 hour flight to hawaii

12. i can swim in the pacific ocean year round

13. the land here is gorgeous

What's it like where you live?

ramblings

what a day. it was just a weird, crazy, monday. lots of things that could go wrong, did. and it seemed as though everyone was having a weird day, not just me. there was a lot of fussiness around my office, too. not really any directed at me, but still, it was there. i'm so glad the day is almost over.

i got a mani/pedi after work today in hopes of some relaxation, but that didn't really happen. i still had errands to run and groceries to buy. i finally made it home around 7 pm. as i was unpacking the groceries, hoping for some alone time, hubby wanted to go for a ride in his land cruiser, so of course i obliged ~ he had just gotten a lift kit installed and wanted to show it off. we finally got back around 7:30 and i was beat. i made dinner and screwed around a bit then had to make a flight reservation for someone at work.

finally, i have some time for myself.

the other day i mentioned to my boss how much i enjoyed using the powerbook and wireless while i was at his house and he said i could have the computer and he had an extra wireless router that i could have as well. i'm so stoked! our i-t guy will be out later this week (he lives in ny) and will install the router at my house. woo hoo! i am sooooo stoked.

and since i my ipod has died ~ the battery won't recharge at all anymore ~ i finally sucked it up the other day and ordered myself a new nano. it should arrive tomorrow. yay! it's hard being without music ~ especially while traveling.

speaking of traveling, we had a GREAT weekend this past weekend. we went to scottsdale, az for the giants spring training. it was so much fun! we took off early on friday and got back really late last night. the weather was fantastic ~ upper 80's, low 90's. on saturday we had general admission seats so we grabbed a spot on the lawn. sunday we had bleacher seats but scored some great seats in the shade that were even closer than our bleacher seats.

as a treat to myself, i rented an audi a4 so we drove around arizona in style. that was great! what a step up from my little saturn.

we also ventured to heaven for hubby. there's a store called cabela's and it's the hunting/fishing wonderland. i mean, this place is nuts! hubby has never been to one of their stores since they are mostly in the midwest. well, when we got to our hotel, i realized that a store had recently opened near where we were staying. it was so cool! we seriously stayed at the store for 2 hours and even had dinner there. it was pretty funny. hubby called 3 of his friend and his dad to share all his excitement. it really was cute. i actually think he took more pictures at the store than at the ball park!

over the weekend i realized that on the 21st of this month i will be sober for a year and a half. that is so wild to me. lately i've been having a hard time with it and am not sure why. i think my life has just taken some interesting turns and i've had less 'me' time. i've also been going to less meetings and connecting with fewer people. i just keep reminding myself of what i was like when i drank, and that pretty much kills any urge i have. i also have to keep chocolate, sparkling cider and coffee around. luckily, we have a coffee machine at work, so i'm never far from that! i could tell i was going a little nuts today when i loaded up the shopping cart with sweets! and it doesn't help that i'm about to surf the crimson wave, either.

* sigh*

i wish i could just chill out and relax.....crap. the cat is chewing on my bra strap......FINN!!!!!

thirteen reasons I really really really like my job

1. i am currently sitting in my bosses backyard, in the sunshine, at a pretty table, listening to itunes, while waiting for the comcast guy to show up. did i mention it's about 72 and sunny?

2. i show up for work around 8:30 am and leave around 5:30 pm

3. there are no timeclocks in sight, or anyone who micromanages for that matter

4. i am a salaried employee with fantastic benefits

5. one of which is awesome health insurance that covers both me and hubby 100%

6. we promote kick ass products and events

7. i'm taking off for the weekend and they don't care what time i leave work on friday. in fact, i didn't even have to ask about leaving early, i simply told them i was

8. both my bosses are funny, witty and really smart

9. there is no such thing as a 'budget' with them, either

10. if apple makes it, we own it

11. same goes for ikea

12. we take turns being dj in the office. there is always music playing, and it's usually loud

13. no one takes themselves very seriously, unless absolutely necessary

a clip from the funniest show EVER.

i hear tell...

while i was visiting miss gypsy , i found her latest post to be most creative so i thought i would attempt to replicate it here. so without further adieu, here is a list of my favorite words:

apropos

delicious

mischievous

dahlin'

wither

decadent

elfin

what are your favorite words?

Revisted

This is from the wonderful Terry...I cannot even begin to express how excited I am right now!!!!!!

1. Go here and select the year (in the left sidebar) you turned 18.
2. Paste the list of the top 75 songs.
3. Bold the ones you liked; strike the ones you disliked; and italicize the ones you knew but didn't exactly like or dislike.
The ones you don’t know will stay plain text.

1. What Is Love - Haddaway
2. Come Baby Come - K7
3. Hero - Mariah Carey
4. In The Still Of The Night (I'll Remember) - Boyz II Men
5. Have I Told You Lately - Rod Stewart
6. Can't Help Falling In Love - UB40
7. Dreamlover - Mariah Carey
8. Supermodel (You Better Work) - RuPaul
9. Nuthin' But A "G" Thang - Dr. Dre
10. Cryin' - Aerosmith
11. Murder She Wrote - Chaka Demus and Pliers
12. Shoop - Salt N Pepa
13. A Whole New World - Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle
14. Show Me Love - Robin S
15. I'm So Into You - SWV
16. Hip Hop Hooray - Naughty By Nature
17. Rhythm Is A Dancer - Snap!
18. All that She Wants - Ace Of Base
19. When I Fall In Love - Celine Dion & Clive Griffin
20. Hey Mr. D.J. - Zhane
21. Just Kickin' It - Xscape
22. That's The Way Love Goes - Janet Jackson
23. T-R-O-U-B-L-E - Travis Tritt
24. Please Forgive Me - Bryan Adams
25. No Ordinary Love - Sade
26. I Get Around - 2 Pac
27. Weak - SWV
28. Bad Boys - Inner Circle
29. Whoot, There It Is - 95 South
30. More and More - Captain Hollywood Project
31. I'm Gonna Be (500 miles) - the Proclaimers
32. I'm Every Woman - Whitney Houston
33. Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
34. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do that) - Meatloaf
35. Love U More - Sunscreem
36. Knockin Da Boots - H-Town
37. Will You Be There - Michael Jackson
38. Connected - Stereo MCs
39. Passionate Kisses - Mary Chapin-Carpenter
40. Boom! Shake The Room - Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince
41. Baby I'm Yours - Shai
42. Freak Me - Silk
43. Reason To Believe - Rod Stewart & Ronnie Wood
44. Sweat
- Inner Circle
45. Deeper and Deeper - Madonna
46. Another Sad Love Song - Toni Braxton
47. Can't Get Enough Of Your Love - Taylor Dayne
48. Ooh Child - Dino
49. Whoomp! There It Is - Tag Team
50. Two Princes - Spin Doctors
51. Informer - Snow
52. Slam - Onyx
53. Man On The Moon - REM
54. Insane In The Brain - Cypress Hill
55. Bed of Roses - Bon Jovi
56. Creep - Radiohead
57. Runaway Train - Soul Asylum
58. Cat's In The Cradle - Ugly Kid Joe
59. I Got A Man - Postive K
60 I See Your Smile - Gloria Estefan
61. Into Your Arms - The Lemonheads
62. Candy Everybody Wants - 10,000 Maniacs
63. Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.
64. Give It Up - The Goodmen
65. Dazzy Dukes - Duice
66. Jimmy Olson's Blues - Spin Doctors
67. What's Up - 4 non-Blondes
68. Kiss Of Life - Sade
69. River Of Dreams - Billy Joel
70. Rubberband Girl - Kate Bush
71. No Rain - Blind Melon
72. Feed The Tree - Belly
73. Sex Me - R Kelly
74. I'll Sleep When I'm Dead - Bon Jovi
75. Mr. Wendal - Arrested Developement


My,my. i guess things haven't changed too much. I still like those songs, and a whole lot more, too. I go thru phases on what genre I like the most at any given time, though I've never really been into rap. i can't say i ever really disliked any of the songs, but then again, i never listened to much of it. hip hop is always fun to get your groove on to and i'm always up for good alternative. and for a while there in college, i was really into country. now it totally depends on my mood.

what about you? what songs did you like when you were 18? let me know if you decide to play along!

sassy fun

so today we have to take photos for our id cards. since we work on super fly macs we have a built in camera in each computer so i have been playing with mine. this is the comic book version. it's my favorite by far.

did i mention that i LOVE my new job?!

today is 'super clean the house' day. it's a total disaster here. i'm not really motivated to clean right now ~ thus the blogging i'm doing ~ but i need to get with it soon. i have sooo much laundry to do, which i don't understand, because i just did it! i don't get how it all gets dirty so fast. it seriously must multiply when it's in the basket. and i have to do the bed linens. it's been a while and i think they can stand on their own at this point. ewww.

the weather has been a dream this weekend. yesterday it was about 68 and today it should hit 70. hubby and i took out the lawn chairs yesteday and sat in the sun for a bit. it was awesome. the wind picked up a little so i grabbed us blankets and we stayed a bit longer. there's nothing better than the warm sun on your face and the birds chirpping along side you.

ah...the cleaning psycho as come in the room. i better go before he blows his lid. do you ever watch south park? you know that charector whose name is tweak? yeah. that's hubby right now.


thirteen things i need in my life to keep sane

1. my friends

2. really good coffee

3. my ipod

4. my kitties

5. fresh flowers from miss fleurs

6. good books ~ i always have to be reading at least one

7. my weekly purchase of us weekly at the checkstand when i grocery shop

8. my bed with the feather comforter and feather pillows

9. days in the sun

10. blogging

11. rainy days cuddling at home

12. alone time

13. driving across the golden gate bridge

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