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the preceding was typed atticus, the big lover of the night. he is laying in between my arms and loves to cuddle with me and the laptop. finn has calmed down a bit from being the destructo kitty the past few days.

finn's new nickname is hacksaw because he has destroyed so much lately. he knocked down our one and only full length mirror in the middle of the night on thursday, leaving shards of glass strewn all over the office floor. once that was all cleaned up, he decided to knock everything off of tall cabinet in the mudroom onto the floor. the has also chewed up a bunch of flowers. oh! and he left little diarrhea squirts all over the house too. all of this was in one night.

he has been working a fierce pr campaign to gain our love back. so we caved, of course, and have made up and are friends again.

work has been crazy busy. i worked for a few hours today and will go in on monday as well. we have our large event on friday, so i am waiting for this all to be over. there is just so much craziness surrounding this event. so far close to 600 people have rsvp'd. i just found out that i have to wear a 'uniform' for the night. but, at least my 'uniform' will be black pants and a black shirt, both of my choosing. some other folks will have to wear actual uniforms, which i am so glad i do not have to to. one of the perks that comes with working for the owners, i guess.

my folks have decided to come up for the event as well, so that will be interesting. i have booked them a hotel so at least they will not be staying with us. i don't really know how i feel about their visit, but am really glad they are not staying with us. did i already mention that?

hubby has said that i have been combative this week. i don't know, maybe i have been. i'm just tired of him being so negative to me all the time. i know he's stressed by work, but so am i. maybe we're both to blame. i just hate how he's such a grump so much. like today. i was working and he asked if he could come print something out, so i said sure. a few of my colleagues were also in and hubby was such a standoffish punk. he got all fussy with me because what he was printing was highly confidential and i didn't get it off the printer fast enough. good lord. no one was even paying attention to what he was printing. i understand what he was doing was important, but really? no one cares. whatever. he left shortly thereafter and i stayed a while longer.

later when i got home, we headed to his granny's house to sit by the pool and read. it was nice to sit and relax. when we got home, i took a delicious hour and a half nap with the kitties. hubby woke me up so we could get a pedi at the 'you pick color' shop. that place is the best. i got a french pedi and hubby just got his feet pampered and buffed.

we have been keeping out of each other's way tonight. i'm glad. i just need to be alone and quiet for a while. i've been chatting with a my girlfriend online and just hanging out, watching bad tv. i need to send something to another girlfriend who just graduated with a second masters degree (yay jackarandabush!!!!). and i have to clean the litter box, 'cause it's stanky.

i just have to say that i'm so tired of being the office bitch. i know that i'm the assistant to the higher ups, but that does not mean i'm an idiot. they guys i work for are nuts. i mean, i know image is important, but come on. our office looks like ikea threw up in it and it's so organized, it's nuts. everything has its place and don't even think about having the wrong type of writing instrument. seriously. i'm not kidding. we have specific EVERYTHING we can or cannot use.

i have to keep everything stocked, which for a normal work environment, would be fine. what is not fine is that these guys are so friggen particular. i have to spend part of every weekend shopping for supplies. yes, i could have things delivered. but water? seriously. it's easier for me to go to safeway to pick it up.

or so i though.

last weekend i went to costco and bought several cases of arrowhead bottled water. guess that was the wrong choice for them. this week i was asked me to buy either evian or fuji. um. right. we are in a tiny town. i went to costco, safeway and the local high end grocery store. no luck at any of them. i ended up buying 5 cases of dasani. evidently i bought the wrong kind. again. i was just told to go to the high end store and buy single bottles of fiji. are you fucking kidding me? they only have, like 10 bottles in stock. we go thru more than that a day!

you may be wondering why i know this at 11 pm on a sunday night. well see, as the above and beyond work i do, i use my weekend time to shop for them, then go to the office and put things away and then email the bosses that i tried my best to get the 'right' water, but was not able to and have another kind in its place. evidently, that wasn't good enough.

you may think i'm overreacting a bit, but they really are neurotic. it's not just the water, either. so many things are visually wrong in their eyes. they are way picky, about everything. for example, our desks have to be completely cleared off when we leave each day and kept pretty neat while we are working. no personal effects can be anywhere at the workplace ~ no special mugs, pictures, flowers excetera. we can only use office issued coffee cups and supplies. i ordered a calculator once and they didn't like it and threw it away as soon as i took it out of the office depot box. now if that isn't crazy...

the hardest part for me is that i never seem to do anything right for them. when i make mistakes, which i seem to do so often, they don't tell me what i should be doing to make things right, just how i screwed up again. no matter what i ask them, i am always at a loss. it's so frustrating because i know i'm not an idiot, but i am so friggen tired of being treated as one.

i have a ton of work to do each day but i get bogged down with silly things like buying the right water, cleaning up after people, emptying the trash and washing dishes.

and now i find out two of my colleagues are going on a business trip this week and they have scheduled their own flights, which is really part of my job to do. no matter how many times i say so, they just avoid the issue. i don't get it. if they don't want me there, they need to let me know. i do not take well to playing games.

if i'm doin something wrong, tell me what direction to go in. while i do try to read minds, i cannot do it without some instruction. i'm working 10+ hour days, so throw me a friggen bone here. i'm not even taking lunches anymore.

GRRRRRRR.

In reality hell is not such an intention of God as it is an invention of man. God is love and people are precious. Authentic truth is not so much taught or learned as it is remembered. Somewhere in your pre-incarnate consciousness you were loved absolutely because you were. Loved absolutely, and in reality, you still are! Remember who you are!

-- Bishop Carlton Pearson
Author, speaker, spiritual leader and recording artist.


this was on my coffee cup that i got at starbucks this morning. i enjoy reading the various thoughts they have for their 'the way i see it' campaign and found this one to be particularly thought provoking.

what are your thoughts on this thought?

have i ever mentioned that i am convinced hubby is part gay? i mean, he is way beyond metro. but don't ever tell him that. he thinks he is just like every other guy. uh huh. riiiight.

he has a cousin who is flaming -- and i do mean flaming --but who is missing the vital gay parts, like being fashionable and stylish. hubby has those parts down. he is a great dresser, knows fashion, gets massages, goes to a salon to get his hair done and gets his eyebrows waxed. and he was doing all of this long before we even met. i am convinced that he got the gay genes that his cousin is so obviously missing.

today when i saw him after work, he said to me "your outfit doesn't really go together. your shoes and shirt don't match (they were different shades of pink) and your jeans are all wrong for the type of shoe you're wearing." i was wearing pointy pink flats and my jeans were more of a trouser with a wider leg. he quickly added "but don't tell anyone i said that." um...okay.

then, as we were driving in town, my boss drove by us. i said "there goes my boss in his pink shirt." my boss LOVES wearing pink button down shirts. hubby responds "that's a very british thing to do. the pink shirt." now really. why would he know that!?

and when i added "oh, and he likes to have the collar starched and high" hubby responded "that's why i have you starch mine so much." what!?

he prefers aveda shampure and bumble and bumble hair spray. he uses burberry aftershave and loves his thomas pink shirts. he says he doesn't like to shop, yet when he does, he insists on going to brooks brothers and banana for his work clothes and is a seven for all mankind jeans whore.

when people meet him, they often comment on how well he puts himself together and how good he looks. a few of my friends even joke that he spends more time in front of the mirror than i do, which is actually pretty true.

but, to make sure you understand that he's not completely gay, he is also a big outdoors guy. he is passionate about hunting and fishing almost being on the verge of psychotic about it. he can do the mating call for deer, turkey, ducks and geese quite well. and don't even get me started on how much camoflauge stuff he has. and the sneakyleaf? oh yeah. he has tons of that.

i guess he's a good mix of man, but his gay side sure makes me laugh sometimes. i guess it's better than me having to make sure he's fixed up nice when we go somewhere. instead, i have to make sure i pass his raised waxed eyebrows.

so i fell asleep on the couch last night. until hubby woke me up at 2 am when he woke up -- on the couch as well. i had fallen asleep with my contacts in and my eyes were burning. they still are burning. i'm wearing my glasses right now and it i close my eyes, ooooh! it stings.

but i did have a cozy night of sleep. i don't even remember hubby leaving the house this morning, but thankfully, i had wits about me to turn my alarm clock on so i didn't over sleep for work. i rolled out of bed, literally, and stumbled around a few minutes and left the house in search of some strong coffee. i'm still sipping my venti starbucks. it's tepid right now, but still nice and tasty. i have not yet fully woken up, but am in a happy state of delirium as tomorrow is the weekend and i have not a thing planned. hubby will be out hunting, so i will get some much needed sleep-in time and rest.

i placed a big order on amazon last night so hopefully my goodies will come soon as i'm in much need of some good reading. i was feeling a bit generous, so i indulged hubby in a few books as well.

tomorrow is a girlfriend's birthday and like the tard that i am, i have not sent her package out to her yet. i have all the parts, but have not assembled it all. maybe i can fedex it to her this afternoon as she lives across the country.....

oh boy, oh boy. so much has gone on while so much as stayed the same. work has been getting increasingly busier and is still keeping me on my toes, hubby is still up and down fussy and my social life has gotten a bit more active.

while i'm still on eggshells at work, things seem to have simmered down a little, which is very good. we taken on a new project which has put a few people in a tailspin but they seem to simmer quickly. as long as i stay out of the way and on top of my game, i am okay. i have been putting in the long hours, averaging 11 hours a day, but at least they fly by. i am late on paying all my bills though....

hubby will always be hubby. we still argue a lot about finances, which drive me nuts. i often think i married the wrong guy, but then wonder if there is ever is a right guy. i struggle with this constantly and think there must be. at times he makes me really happy, but then there are all those other times. i know we have a lot of growing and learning to do, but where is my soft love? all i have is hard, demanding people around me. is it too much to ask for some kindness and tenderness on a consistent basis without having to ask for it?

i have made a new friend in town and she and i are hanging out a lot, which makes me very happy. i don't get to see ms. fleurs very much anymore, because of both of our busy schedules and that makes me sad. but, she still delivers me beautiful flowers each weeks so at least her kindness is in my home.

the kitties, or rather just finn, have been on a mad terror in the house. several things have been destroyed beyond repair, which has saddened both hubby and me. my camera can be fixed, but his beloved wood duck cannot.

i discovered a sephora about 20 miles away and went nuts over the weekend buying much makeup and having much fun. i normally order online, so it was such a treat to actually be able to go to the store again. and as luck would have it, tarte was there doing makeovers so i got one and bought almost all they applied! hubby doesn't know about that purchase...yet! :)

i've been running, getting ready for my first 10k in about 2 weeks. over the weekend i ran about 5 miles and that felt pretty darn good. there's a loop by my house that's about 3.2 miles and i can run that without stopping now, which is great. i'm hoping to run after work today as i just cannot get up in the morning. i bought some great new running shoes the other day, and like any 5 year old, i am convinced they make me run faster and better.

so work is simmering down. a little. today was better than most in the past few weeks have been. not great, but better. i can only take it day by day.

on other news...yesterday we bought a new couch!!! a lush, dark green sectional comfort spot. it fits perfectly in our mini house. it makes the living room look complete. my old green couch was tired and worn after 7 long years of wear and tear. hubby had been wanting a new couch since we moved in together and we finally found one we both agreed on. he found a consignment store near his work last week so we ventured over yesterday afternoon, just to have a look. as soon as we saw the couch, we knew. and it didn't hurt that another couple arrived just minutes after we did and wanted the same one. luckily, my powers of persuasion were on and hubby agreed that the couch was meant to be. it was a done deal within 10 minutes of being in the store and we had it at home just a few hours later.

i love the corner part of the L. and i love that we can both be on the couch at the same time and not be in each others way. i love how i just sink into the cushions. and. and. and.

this was our first major purchase together. our washer and dryer are both used, our mattress was only $400 and our living room furniture was a gift from my parents for christmas one year. one day we will buy a bed frame, but our house is too tiny for that right now. and honestly, as long as the mattress is comfy, i'm good. i'm feeling a little more grown up today. our living room looks so great now. all dark green and chocolate brown. now if only we had some curtains instead of those cheap blinds....ah, baby steps. right?

but then....i have to remember a few things. like the fact that i keep forgetting my wallet. yeah. that was real nice getting to the check stand, unloading my super full cart, getting ready to pull out my wallet to realized....there was no wallet. thankfully i had my checkbook, but i had to beg and plead the checker that was a normal citizen and should be allowed to write a check without an id. safeway sure has gotten strict! luckily, the supervisor signed off on my $147 check. thank god. how embarrassing would that have been!!

then today, i ran some errands at lunch and had to pick up subway for the office (yech. so not a fan!) well, as i got to the dry cleaners, i realized, yet again, that i didn't have my wallet with me. no problem for the dry cleaner, as i had my trusty checkbook with me, but i knew i couldn't go to subway and write a check. but, as i walked in, i ran into a friend of mine and she loaned me $20. she totally saved my day! maybe something is trying to tell me to stop spending money. :)

so blue right now. got a big talking to yesterday after working a 12 hour day. seems i'm lucky to still have a job. seems i'm being blamed by the boss for most of the situations that the angry-mean-hostile man who was fired a week ago caused.

*sigh*

oh, and did i mention he also told me that i was lucky to still have my job? that if it wasn't for the other boss and the cfo sticking up for me, i would have been fired. wtf is that?!

i totally cried as my boss was talking to me yesterday, something i have never done before. sure, i've shed a few tears on jobs before, but NEVER, EVER to someones face.

hubby and i have been at odds the past week or so, so that hasn't been much of a help, either. today i came home at lunchtime just to cuddle with the kitties.

i hate being blue.

i still really do like my job, i'm just so tired of being a disappointment to people - my parents, hubby and now my boss. yes, he actually told me he was disappointed in me.

again, so glad for my friends. but, again, so sad they all live so far away.

i swear i'm not trying to be on a pitty pot.

i'm just blue right now.