so as you can see, i have changed my blog, yet again. i liked the other one, but i didn't like not having the blogger bar on the top where i could log in. i always had to go to 'update my profile' then had to click on 'home' to get the sign in page. too much effort. plus, as much as i liked the flowers on the top, it got boring as the page went on. i really like this new page, but i'm not too keen on the extra tabs on top. oh well. so what do you think? do you like this page, or the other one better?
another new thing is the NaBloPoMo widget on the side. if you click on it, you can see my page over there and be my friend and write along with me! i am going to attempt to write every day for the month of november. i am hoping this will help me really get serious with my writing. but we'll see...
tomorrow is halloween, my most favorite holiday. i think it's my favorite because it's really the start of the fall for me. i love seeing the kids trick-or-treating, especially the little ones. i love the carved pumpkins glowing around the neighborhood. i love the crispness in the air and the leaves that have changed colors. everything seems to glow all that much more on all hallows eve. it's very magical, and i like that.
i have a pair of little devil horns that i have worn for the last 2 years and will wear them tomorrow. they are attached to barrettes so they clip right into my hair and look pretty cool. if i remember, i'll take a picture. i like them because they are discreet enough to wear around even the most conservative of people without causing too much of a fuss. plus i look cute in them.
i was also adopted way back when on halloween. i was six weeks old. my dad dressed up as the jolly green giant and i was a pea and he introduced me to the neighbors.
are any of you dressing up tomorrow? and if so, what will you be?
this is totally the year of the baby. so many of my friends are having little ones, it's hard to keep track! it makes sense, though, since we all started settling down a few years ago, that this would happen.
i have always been against having children myself, even before i met hubby. now, i have a tiny kernal of want. it's been growing bigger and bigger since i saw photos of my friend's baby a while ago. but that being said, it's only a kernal. as soon as i go somewhere and see screaming children, that kernal dissapears. same goes for thinking of a kid being left with my in-laws.
anyhow, i'm always interested in how people pick their children's names. i have friends who knew right away what they would name it, and others who had no clue. some used favorite characters in books or films, others used family names.
some friends kept the names they picked a secret until the birth, others told as soon as they figured it out.
this has got me thinking what names i like and don't like. here's my list of names i do like (i don't want to offend anyone by listing those i don't like):
what about you? what names do you like? and would you tell the name you picked right away or wait until your child was born?
i am so glad it's saturday. yesterday was a loooong day. my boss left early and one of the guys in my department pulled his 'i don't have to listen to shell' routine again. i'm over it. i let my bosses boss know what was going on and a conversation will be had on monday. this job is so much different than my previous jobs. the people here actually listen to me and value what i have to say. it's great. hubby commented this week that this is the first job that i have had since he has known me where i don't talk about it when i come home. it really does make a difference to work somewhere that i am happy at.
last night i went to a meeting then out to dinner with hubby, my sponsor, her husband and another friend. i had the hardest time paying attention during the meeting. i was so wound up! then afterwards i was just nutty. hubby said if there was a job that required a shit talker, i would definitely be the one for the job. i was on a total roll. i was cracking myself up. it didn't really stop at dinner either. luckily, everyone thought i was funny, too. i finally settled down once the food arrived, though.
as we were leaving, my sponsor made some comment on how she wants to hear from me more as she feels i don't call her enough. i said, jokingly, that the last time i checked, the phone worked both ways. she responded saying that she NEVER calls sponcees. geesh. i do have issue with this. i understand the theory of me needing to call my sponsor, but good lord. would it seriously hurt for her to pick up the phone every once in a while? and seriously? i'm not going to call her if i feel like picking up a drink. i'll call someone else. i'll call a girlfriend who understands me and knows me. yeah, i know my sponsor. but really? does she really care? i have no idea. that's the problem with aa. see, you're not supposed to say no if someone asks for help. on one hand, i understand that. totally. on the other, if you don't want to help them, why are you saying yes? just because you are supposed to? that's lame. maybe it's my whole 'i just want people to like me' thing. but if someone is so ambivalent about me, i really have a hard time with it. people have told me that you don't want to be friends with your sponsor. to think of a sponsor as a sort of therapist. but they are not a therapist. they are just someone who has the same addiction as i do. someone who understands what is going on. i don't understand why they can't be my friend, too.
i guess it's good that i have other friends in aa, but still. it's tiring. when i don't call my sponsor, i feel like she is disappointed in me and i'm so tired of that. hubby does the same thing. i get the tough love thing. really, i do. i grew up with it and i married into it. enough, already.
in other news...i just got a fun new book called 'love your handwriting'. you see, i'm a nerd and practice my penmanship all the time. really, i do. i write the alphabet over and over when i'm bored. anyhow, when i was at a baby shower last weekend, the girl hosting the shower is a big scrapbooker and told me about the book. so naturally, i had to have it. it arrived yesterday and is soo great! i highly recommend it. :) needless to say, i will be playing all weekend with it. after i clean the house, of course.
oh, and last night, hubby noticed the earrings i was wearing. some darling cross earrings from the fabulous wendy. anyhow, he asked if i was a templar in a prior life. nice, hubby. real nice. so naturally, i said i was. :)
watch: kenneth cole
t-shirt: james perse
day bag: kate spade
evening bag: kate spade
favorite discovery: that i don't have to drink to have a good time
who inspires you: my girlfriends
favorite place: the redwood forest
necessary extravagance: feather duvet
lips: nars dolce vita
mascara: tarte lights, camera, lashes
shampoo: aveda shampure
moisturizer: phytoceane hydracea
hair product: bumble and bumble surf spray
perfume: burberry britt
toothpaste: crest mint
soap: philosophy amazing grace
nail polish color: chanel tulipe noire
who cuts your hair: jane at jac hair galery
where do you get your brows waxed: blush
where do you live: the wine country
favorite art: blue boy by gainsborough and pinky by lawrence
sheets: ralph lauren
coffee maker: cuisinart
favorite cooking utensil: williams sonoma silicon spoon
sweet or savory: savory
most loved ingredient: limes
stationary: american stationary
favorite neighborhood restaurant: breakaway cafe
favorite drink: sparkling water
night table reading
so my dad got sent home from work yesterday because the air was so bad. and the offices are closed again today. he said that you can't even see irvine because there's so much ash in the air. and the worst part is that many of these fires are due to arson. assholes.
and i just talked to a girlfriend who lives in san diego and she and her husband were evacuated earlier today. they're now staying with friends. her brother and sister in law got evacuated as well and have scrambled to find somplace safe to stay too.
then, last night, i was watching cops on tv. but when the show went to commercial, i kept hearing sirens. hubby opened up our front door to see cop cars from surrounding towns driving by. a police helicopter was also hovering overhead. wtf? we live in a small town where there is pretty little crime. now, i'm not saying crime doesn't happen here, it just doesn't happen often. and it's usually pretty minor when it does happen.
so this morning as i was reading the paper online, i found out that a 16 year old kid was shot about 2 miles from my house last night. apparently, it was a gang shooting and the 24 year old suspect is still at large. nice. oh, and it was at a park that hubby and i frequent. right across from the boys and girls center.
wtf is going on these days?!
i recently read an article about tiffany's opening a new branch of stores. the focus of these stores is to entice women to buy their own jewelry. you see, these stores will only offer their sterling line, no sparkly diamonds or anything like that.
and i don't like the idea one bit.
now, don't get me wrong. i love me some tiffany's. and i have purchased things for myself from the sterling room and have received some goodies as gifts as well. but, oh how i love to wander through the other room full of all the sparkling goodies. and there's just something so fun and breathtaking about going to tiffany's. and those little blue boxes with their white ribbon ~ red during the holidays ~ are such a treat.
i would be sad to go to a store that only carries sterling. it wouldn't be as fun or as decadent. or as special.
what do you think?
another goofy day at work. people sure get riled up over the smallest things. i'm just staying out of people's way, all tucked away in my little office. just had a pb&j and some coffee, so i'm good to go for a bit.
just got a call from a friend i hadn't talked to in a long time. funny, i was talking about him just this weekend with my friend i went to dinner with on saturday. i told him his ears must have been ringing.
talked to my mom a little bit ago. my dad has some work this week in orange county, right in the middle of the fires. he took the train (from LA) so he didn't have to drive, which is good. he just had cataract and lasik on his eyes, so they're a bit sensitive. plus he's not as spry as he once was, so his reaction time while driving isn't what it once was.
the weather has warmed up a bit so i'm wearing a skirt and a short sleeved blouse today. i have to keep my cardigan on hand though, since i have a tatoo on my arm that needs to be covered up when i'm out of my office. god forbid anyone here see it and realize what a freak i am. HA.
hubby and i started to get caught up on season 3 of the best show ever, the office. it is hands down my favorite show. so great.
sadly, that's all i have so far today....maybe there will be more later.
so dinner was great fun ~ we split a brie and garlic appetizer and both had very scrumptious salads and for some reason, i was so full, i didn't want desert, which is so unlike me! we chatted for a good long time and had loads of good gossip to share. :)
but, about half way thru dinner i was exhausted. i don't know if i'm just so relaxed from my massage or if i'm coming down with something. but, i'm going to head to bed with my new book, the huntress by susan carroll, and whisk myself back to 1585 england.
sweet dreams, everyone!
i had the most delicious massage this afternoon. i feel like a totally new person. my upper back was just knotted up so bad. i had good intentions to run errands afterwards, but i was just jello when i was done, so i couldn't. i knew i was tense, but i had no idea just how much i was holding in.
i'm meeting a girlfriend for dinner in about a half an hour and should start to get ready for that. i haven't gone out in a while so it'll be fun. and i finally wrote and mailed all my thank you cards today. yipee! i only had to get 6 more out, but it took me a freaking month to so that. i was going to make the cards, but since it was taking me so long i just wrote them on regular stationary.
okay, so the laziness bug has bitten me yet again since i'm still lounging on the couch with atty and i need to leave in 20 minutes and i haven't started getting ready to go yet.
damn 'catching up with the kardashians'......!!!
my head hurts. and so does my back. it's been a bit of a day. i woke up late, but didn't really have to rush around too much, but hubby was in a bit of a mood, again. he says it's me, but i really don't think so.
we have a a lot going on at work right now so everyone is a bit more frantic. well, not everyone, and definitely not the guys that i work with. they still like to take their sweet time on everything. but, that's how it goes. i took a few photos on my way in to work this morning so i will have to post them when i get home. the weather has been cold and rainy with sun in the afternoon. it is so beautiful where i work. the other day there was a doe right outside my office. she was so pretty. and there are banana slugs all over too. they're so funny looking.
hubby is going away for the weekend to visit his brother. i have nothing planned except for a much needed massage on saturday afternoon. i'm also hoping to have breakfast with a girlfriend and meet another one for coffee, so we'll see how that all pans out. oh! and i also have a baby shower to go to on sunday for my friend who had her baby early. the baby is doing well and has gained a little weight, now weighing a little over 4lbs. and she is breastfeading now, which is wonderful. my friend says her little one will need to stay in the hospital for another month, then will be able to come home.
hubby and i have decided to take a mini vacation over thanksgiving so we don't have to spend time with either of our families. we're going to head to the town where we went to college, on the central coast, and i can't wait. it's mosty his family we don't want to spend time with. and we just need some time away. we told his mom last night that we were going. she gets weird about us not being around for holidays so we try to give her as much notice as we can.
i only have a half hour until i get to go home. yay. hopefully that'll go by nice and fast...
big props goes to miss gina for posting the link to this sweet new blog design on her site. go check her out. i've gotta git to a family dinner. oh, the joy!
so i'm hanging out at home right now with atty cuddled up on my lap. you see, there was an enormous storm last night at a tree fell down at my work. pg&e (pacific gas and electric for those of you not around here) was called to remove the tree since it fell on a few power lines. as they so skillfully cut down the tree, they also severed the phone line in 3 different places, thereby disconnecting 1200 lines surrounding and including my work. so, that means that no one on our property can access our server, the internet or the phone. so work has virtually stopped. since the server is down, i can't access my blackberry, either, except for the phone part which really is of no use since everything else is down.
so, i was sent home. i spent the first 3 hours of the day watching t.v, drinking coffee, texting with terry and playing a game on my bberry. they don't expect the lines to go up anytime soon so it was silly for me to keep sitting there. at&t is now working on restoring everything but since they move at the pace of cold molasseses, i'm glad i'm not there.
besides, now i get to have lunch with two of my girlfriends in town. yay~!
tonight we're going out for my mil's birthday. but, oh what drama that was getting it organized. you see, not only is hubby obnoxiously selfish, so is the rest of his family. they tend to only think of themselves and no one else, which is so annoying. anyhow, his mom is big on going out for birthdays so earlier this week i asked his dad what the plan was. i got some fussy answer back saying how busy everyone was and that we were just going to 'scrap' her birthday dinner. um...what? so hubby called his mom last night and she explained how my fil and plans the next three nights. who schedules stuff on his wife's birthday? oh yeah. my fil.
so i told hubby that we should just take his mom out ourselves. he said to me, " that's a good idea. i would have never of thought of that." um...really? she was so excited when he called back. i told him how i though his family was too consumed with themselves and he totally agreed with me. it's sad, really. but, i see where he gets it from. and i'm seeing that i still have a lot of work to do~! at least HE knows not to plan anything on my birthday, unless it's for me!!!
sometimes i wonder how i married such an asshole. seriously. yesterday he said to me "could you not send me personal email to my work email address? that would be great. thanks." wtf!? i send one, maybe two emails a freaking week to him. and yesterday it was contact information from a college buddy of his who was trying to get back in contact with him. good god. and no, i wasn't just catching him in a bad mood, either. this is how he is. he's taking this h.r. thing a bit too far. he then said, " well, i have to lead by example to the other employees. if i ever get audited and they find i have personal email on my work account, it just won't look good." are you fucking kidding me? i do not know one single person who does not use their work email to shoot off a personal email every once in a while. (he doesn't check his hotmail account with any regularity, so it's a crap shoot sending something there.)
that's not all. he also didn't show up until after 8p last night. normally i wouldn't care, but would it really kill him to call me and let me know he's going to be late because he's going to the gym? i wouldn't have made dinner so early if he had. but whatever. i didn't wait for him and i was sitting on the couch watching law & order until my beloved "the hills" came on. well mr. high and mighty came in and changed the channel because he never likes what i'm watching, and puts on some lame movie. so i get out my computer and log on to mtv so i can watch "the hills" online and he tells me i'm being annoying. oh, and did i mention that he's reading the newspaper and not even paying attention to what is on the tv?! *sigh*
sure, i could have gotten up and gone into another room, but damn it. i was there first. i will not be moved every time. i wasn't in the mood to argue, so i got up and went to bed.
and just now, i got an email from his dad that i wanted to tell him about, god forbid i actually fwd it, so i called him and he was all snippy on the phone with me because my phone was cutting out. really? it was because i called him while he was at work. i swear to god, this is getting so old.
the other day we were having a conversation about nothing in general when he started in on how much he makes. i mean, it's great and all that he is doing well, but seriously? money isn't everything. yes, i am proud of him for earning what he does and for being sucessful, but there is so much more to life than that. i'm proud of what i make, too, but i don't gloat about it(i really don't make very much, but i can support myself if need be) while he always goes into this whole diatribe on how he has goals and i don't. yeah, my goal is to be happy. he had set a goal of making a certain amount as a yearly salary by the time he was 30 and he has achieved that. well, good for him. i'm not too pleased that i don't really factor into that equation, though.
frankly, i don't know what equation of his i factor into, except maybe the having a wife part. when i call him on that, he says i'm overracting or feeling to sensitive or something along those lines.
sunday night, as part of my recovery process of alcoholism, i had to make amends to him for how i treated him while i was still drinking. as i started, he interrupted me to say it wasn't the time or the place ~ we were out to dinner ~ but i kept going. he interrupted me a few more times and good god, i wanted to smack him. i know he was looking for more groveling or something, but he wasn't going to get it. i am sorry for how i acted, as i was an ass to him, but sadly, sometimes i think he deserved it. okay, i know, that sounds awful, but really? at times he's not always the nicest guy in the world. other times he's a real peach and that's a treat. but it needs to be way more consistent.
he likes to tell me i'm selfish and self centered. sure, i admit i can be, but i think about other people WAY more than i do myself. this is why i flirt and look elsewhere for attention. it makes me happy when people are kind to me. kindness goes so far with me. i only need a little. i tell him that and he tells me that he's nice to me everyday. um....right.
it's foggy and cold today. i really need to clean the house and do laundry. and write thank you cards for my birthday, which was over a month ago. our heater isn't working so i don't want to get out from under the blanket because it's about 60 degrees in our house.
yesterday we went to davis to watch cal poly and davis play football. it was awesome. cal poly killed davis with a final score of 63 to 28. it was a beautiful day. we hung out with a buddy of hubby's from grad school. we all got a little sunburned, but it was still great. after the game we hung out at a cool bar and watched the cal game. i love college football.
i am totally addicted to watching 'the hills' on mtv. i don't know why. it's a guilty pleasure. but it also slows down what little motivation i have because i get sucked into the silly marathons they have on the weekends. like right now.
i just realized it took me a friggen half hour to write this. i.must.get.off.my.ass.now.
thank you for your sweet thoughts. we heard back today from our friends and things are still the same with their little one. i am glad we sent flowers, though, so they'll have something cheerful when they get home today. they declined our offer to stop by and bring dinner, but i totally understand that. they do appreciate that we have offered our total support with whatever they need. it's extra rough because she was going to work the last two months of her pregnancy, so now they are concerned about their finances as well. hubby offered to help them out if they need it with a loan (since we've been saving for a house, we have a bit saved and since they are such dear friends, we would rather loan them some if they need some then let something bad happen) but they have declined so far. not that we have a lot to give, but i know that every little bit helps.
hubby and i had a long talk about children last night. he is so afraid of having children of his own. i should rephrase that. he would love to have a little girl, but the thought of having a biological child, scares the living daylights out of him because of the genetic make up of his family. you see, there is so much alcoholism in his family, he is deathly afraid of passing that on to a child! every single person in his family, save his brother, fraternal grandmother and fraternal grandfather are alcoholics. i'm not kidding, either. it's so hard, too. i know the changes are great that we would have a child who becomes an alcoholic, but really? why worry about something that is a big maybe? i mean, i have no idea what my biological make up is because i am adopted, yet i turned out to be an alocoholic just the same. you never really know how someone is going to turn out. things just happen. sure, some people are more at risk than others are, but you really can't forsee the future on things like that. he also said he's really worried about me because i am so little. but women have been having children forever and you never really know who is going to have problems and who is not.
omg. i just told one of my engineers that one of the nuts needed a cap put on it. (i was trying to explain that one of the toilets needed a small cap replaced on one of the bolts on the bottom of the tank). as soon as i stopped, i realized what i had just said and how bad it sounded. but if that wasn't bad enough, i said that over the radio so a bunch of people heard me and totally laughed.
oh internets. i am so sad. so very very sad. we found out a little while ago that our really close friends are having some very sad times. our friend went into labor and had her baby girl 2 months early. the little one is breathing on her own, but she is having trouble maintaining her body temperature and her blood sugar isn't working properly either. the husband is one of hubby's best friends. we have known the couple for years and years. we were in each others weddings, a month apart from each other. hubby was near tears when he called me to tell me. luckily they live somewhat close by so we hope to see them this week some time. i just sent them flowers. i don't know what else to do.
ugh. sexually frustrated. yes, really. i just want a good, smoking hot make out session. with the soft kisses that turn totally passionate. with hands that caress the face. with deep eye contact. with the spicy smell of mens colonge mixed with body sweat. with -i-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-at-any-second kisses that leave me wanting more.
too bad i'm married. 'cause that NEVER happens. no matter how hard i try. there's no passion, not spark. sure, we have sex. but it's just that. sex. no fire. no desire. no wanting more. sure, he wants more. but i neve do. with him, at least. he's not that great of a kisser, and well, it's more like wham, bam, thank you m'am whenever we go at it. no matter what i say or do, i just don't feel it with him. i know, i know. keep trying. try something new. but i don't want to.
maybe that's why i flirt so much with others. just to get that spark. to get that interest. to feel wanted and sexy.
but boy, do i want a hot, steamy make out session.
it's almost 7:30p and i have no idea where the day went. i wanted to sleep in, but since hubby has been sick, he has been sleeping a lot so he was up early and isn't very quiet...so i was up at 7a. well, i guess sleeping in an hour is better than nothing. i hung out watching tv for a while until we decided to go to the pet shelter to look for another kitty. hubby really wants a siamese kitty and there were a few advertised in the paper. omg. there were sooo many darling kitties! i wanted take them all home. but, we left empty handed. we have to think about it for a bit. our house is really small and we already have two crazy kitties as it is. but, i love that he wants another one! i just don't want to be 'those crazy people'!
woo hoo! stanford just beat usc. on usc home turf. usc hasn't lost a game at home since 2001 and is (now was) ranked #1. 43-42 is the final score. stanford isn't even ranked and was a 40 point underdog. now they won. that is freaking awesome.
uh..where was i? oh yeah. crazy cat people. yeah. don't want to be one of those....but those kitties were sure darling....
i paid bills and sent a girlfriend flowers ~ and they got there today with no extra charge, which was so cool! sally found out she is preggers and terry and i sent her flowers from the both of us. it's pretty slick too, since i live in ca, terry lives in ga and sally lives in ks and the flowers arrived today. makes me appreciate the magic of the internets all that much more.
i also attempted to go to the post office to pick up a package. but silly me. i live in a town that doesn't have a post office that is open on the weekend. and they are only open when i work. so now i will have to ask someone to go to the post office and pick up the package for me. i bet my fil would go...i hate that places are open only during banking hours. hell, even most banks have saturday hours. and so do the dry cleaners. which reminds me, i didn't make it there today, either.
i did, however, manage to take an enormous nap this afternoon. it think it was about 3 hours of deliciousness. hubby and i went to the bookstore and i bought two new ones new stories from the south, a collection of short stories, and the elements of style, a grammar book. i love southern literature. there's just something so mystical about the south to me, especially stories that take place in the bayous of louisiana. and i have wanted that grammar book for ages. call me a nerd. i don't care. this one is illustrated so it makes it more fun. super nerd is more like it.....
i'm going to eat my halloween cupcake that i bought at whole foods today. it's huge! it's carrot cake with a icing jack-o-lantern on top. because really? i don't want to make dinner tonight.
since i started a new job, and since i missed doing tt last week, i thought i would do 13 things i like about my new job ~ in no particular order.
1. i feel like i am working the the middle of the forest, the grounds are so lush and mysterious.
2. to get around the property, i get to drive a golf cart.
3. there is always good coffee available, and i hear that hot cider will also be available soon as well.
4. the employee cafeteria actually has good food everyday.
5. my colleagues are really nice and enjoy working there as well. i haven't heard a disgruntled comment...yet.
6. i work in a department of all men and so far there doesn't seem to be any cattiness.
7. i'm in an office that is tucked away from everyone else so i'm mostly left alone.
8. i have a blackberry and a radio (walkie talkie) so i am not chained to a desk all day.
9. there is a really cute boy with whom i already flirt with daily.
10. micromanagement seems to be at a minimum.
11. i get paid every other friday.
12. i have a lot of responsibility, yet my job can be as creative as i want it to be.
13. i actually really enjoy the commute.
You are Wonder Woman
|You are a beautiful princess|
with great strength of character.
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...
today was a pretty good day, considering it was a monday. i felt much better when i got up, thanks to a full night sleep and the alka seltzer i took as night. work moved right along. i got my new toy ~ the blackberry~ it's such an improvement from the one i had a few years ago. i had one of the original blue ones when they first came out (for work). this one is so nice and sleek. and all pretty and shiny in silver. and the screen is in color. very nice. and i must say, while the iphone is nice and i still do covet one, i really like the keypad on the bberry better. i don't like the total touch screen on the iphone. i have tiny fingers and i still have trouble typing on it. but, other than that, it's a really sweet dealio. but i digress.
and miss gypsy, your positive attitude was with me today. as soon as my bberry arrived and i tried to get it working, i realized that the computer was working on DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A DISK DRIVE so i couldn't install the software. turns out that i will get a newer computer now with windows xp instead of windows 2003. :-) so thank you, gypsy, for keeping me positive!
i felt pretty good until i was driving home today when my cold decided to resurface. i crawled into bed and except for making hubby dinner, have been here ever since. hubby is doing worse, though, and that make me sad. his cold is starting to go into his lungs which is always bad news. he has really week lungs so he is very prone to getting pneumonia. he has had it already several times in the years we've been together. i think on a normal day, his lungs work at 1/3rd the capacity as everyone else. :( so i have to take extra special care of him.
finn has been taking good care of him, too, laying right on his chest and purring his little heart out. atty, of course, has been right by my side.