I AM: small and sassy
I WANT: an in-n-out burger
I WISH: for warm weather to stay

I HATE: ignorant people
I MISS: my friends who i don't get to see very often due to distance

I FEAR: not ever finding my biological history
I HEAR: nature calling to me

I WONDER: if i'm ever going to get it right
I REGRET: nothing
I AM NOT: dumb

I DANCE: whenever possible
I SING: whenever the mood strikes me
I CRY: a lot more these days
I AM NOT ALWAYS: nice
I MAKE: pretty greeting cards
I WRITE: the truth
I CONFUSE: people
I NEED: to relax
I SHOULD: get a massage
I START: a lot of projects
I FINISH: what i start

so today i'm grateful. the past few days have put a few things into perspective for me. i am grateful i am not like the two gals in the tales that follow. i am grateful that i dun gone to college and got me an edumacation and understand how and when to use the english language appropriately. yes, my spelling is bad, but that's minor. i'm also grateful that i have a good, sassy head on my shoulders and can think for myself. i am grateful to have girlfriends who love me no matter how kookie i get. and most importantly, i am grateful the sun is out today and it's supposed to be 80!

yesterday evening i chatted online with a girlfriend from high school. she is living in michigan and you would think she never graduated high school. or took an english class. she has the worst grammar ever and the most improper use of the english language that it just hurts.

maybe part of it is that she dropped out of high school to have a kid and shortly after that she moved to michigan to live with her folks (don't ask me why she was out in california for high school). and she works at a factory. well, sometimes she works at a factory, when she's not collecting welfare. oh yes. it's true. and when she's not doing that, she's fighting with her boyfriend who "is so much older" by a whopping 6 years. um...she's 33. 39 is really not that much older. she also complains that since he's a country boy and she's a city girl, he doesn't understand how hard it is for her to get a job working at a factory.

wow.

but he has a job as an electrical engineer, so i guess he just doesn't understand anything at all. it just baffles me.

she's also the same girl that when she got preggers in high school, she totally found a family to adopt her kid and pay for her to go to the doctor and deliver the kid and at the very last minute possible, she decided to keep the kid. now if that's not awful, i don't know what is. i cannot imagine the pain the adoptive family went through.

needless to say, she and i lost touch for a number of years and only recently got back in touch. i just can't believe her mentality. and she's a total self proclaimed dumb blonde, too. it's like she's proud of being dumb. dumb whisky tango. yes, that's mean.

her 'older' boyfriend just kicked her out of the house and made her move back in with her parents and is refusing to talk to her until she grows up and gets a job. wtf? who does that? break up all ready. this back and forth nonsense is silly. either make it work, or end it. every time i talk to her, she's fighting with this guy.

she keeps wanting my phone number so she can call me, but i keep 'forgetting' to give it to her. i really don't want to be on the phone listening to the drama. if that makes me a bad person, so be it. i think we already established that i'm a bit offf.

son on another random note, one of the fashion victims just got to work after going to file papers for a divorce. she's not that bright, either. she went to another town because she didn't even think of going to the court house here and apparently got the run around there and can't understand why filing for a divorce is so difficult. um..you're supposed to stay married. no one said marriage was easy. why should filing be easy? she doesn't have a very good relationship track record either so maybe that's making things more difficult for her as well. yes, i am being awfully judgemental today. so what? they're my thoughts.

oh, so some guy walked up to my desk this morning and said to me in a deep southern drawl

"what are you doing there on that computer?"

"um..working"

"you're always typing away every time I walk by"

"yes, i have a lot of work to do"

"oh, you're a ... (reading the little sign on my desk), so I guess you do have a lot to do"

"yup"

wtf is that? um, no, dude. i'm surfing the internet, looking at porn. i just don't get people. and stop looking at my breasts. now go away and spend time with your wife.

and...mr. fussypants just took me across the street to the coffee shop and treated me to a gelato/espresso tasty treat. so nice! i had mine with a scoop of french vanilla and a scoop of bavarian mint gelato. mmmm. and the weather has turned really nice. sunny and warm...about 78. and...i'm off work in 15 minutes. maybe i'll even go swimming later....a good day after all!

aww...shucks!

so the day has gotten a bit better. i just got a little sage plant from my department since it's administrative professionals day. it's such a sweet gesture and so unexpected. while i do many other things besides admin stuff, it's still really nice to be recognized. and a sage plant is so cool and different than flowers (not that i would be sad with flowers, just making the point that mr. fusspants was being creative today. nothing like getting laid to help the creativity juices..er...flow). and a card signed by a few of the bob's...er...bosses.

i'm going to plant my new little friend in my new veggie garden at home. i'm still keeping my lavender spray mist nearby in case any other fussy moments errupt, but for now, things are going peachy keene.

blah

i am so fucking irritated today and i have no idea why. everyone around me is just bugging the crap out of me. i've been this way since yesterday. well, not that i think about it, since sunday, really. i guess i shouldn't say that everyone has been bugging me, but just most people. maybe i'm more sensitive this week. i'm not even pmsing or anyting. i think people are acting more idiotic this week, or something. or maybe it's just me. i think i'm just tired of people. especially those that try to pry. i hate that. i'm in a mood. leave me alone. trust me, you'll be glad you did.

and i'm so damn sick of the freaking weather. the sun will appear for a few seconds, then dissapear behind the clouds, leaving it cold and clammy outside. when i left the house this morning the whole valley was covered in a thick blanket of fog. the sun is out now and i only hope it stays out.

i'm drinking crappy coffee right now which isn't helping much, either. at least it's wednesday. two days closer to the weekend.

yesterday i had to take my fussy pill, it was getting that bad. i try not to take them, but sometimes, i've just got to. at least c hasn't been fussy. i just need a whole day to myself, then i think i'll be better.

i went to a meeting both monday and tuesday and it didn't do much for me. i felt better after, and much enjoyed the socializing, but it wasn't much more than that. i enjoy the people i see on mondays and tuesdays. i shared at the meeting yesterday. sometimes people there are just too winey for me. i know we all have problems, but hell, if you keep complaining about the same problems over and over, they are never going to go away or get any better. just deal with it!

arrg!

i haven't been to the gym since it's been too cold to swim and i don't feel like working out inside. i did sign up for two foot races in for may and june, so i'll definitely have to get in shape for those.

i got a package from my cousin yesterday. i was so excited. he sent me some of my favorite treats from germany. i'm trying not to gobble up all the delicious things so i will have them for a little while, but i don't think i have that much restraint. he also sent me some awesome face cream and a cd. woo hoo! i need to send him something fun now, too.

fng isn't at work today because her dog is sick. i don't think she has worked a full day since she started here. i know moving to a new town is a big deal, but it seems like she always has something come up that requires her to leave part way through the day or come in totally late. whatever. when she's not here, i don't have to deal with her, so that's good for me.

mr. fussypants took half of monday and all of yesterday off. he's in a great mood today, so far, so that makes me happy. he got some over the past few days, which means he should be in a good mood for the whole day, especially since fng isn't here either and i think she bugs him, too.

i finished reading a book last night, The Family Daughter, by Maile Maloy, so now i need something new to read. Anyone have any good recomendations???

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood, won't you be mine, won't you be mine, won't you be my neighbor!

Okay...sorry. this is what happens when i get to sleep in. c when hunting this morning and atticus was so nice and quiet, that i got to sleep in until 10:15 am. what a joy! and, since we spring cleaned the house last night, everything was fresh and clean when i got up so i didn't have to do a darn thing except turn on the coffee maker.

the sun is gone, so that's a bummer, but at least it's not cold out. a soft breeze is floating thru the open window and it smells so fresh. c is outside planing flowers in old wine boxes and i can smell his cigar. it's a very comforting smell, knowing he's around. i'm really glad normal c is here and psycho mean c is gone. two weeks of psyco mean c is two weeks too long.

we're heading to my girlfriend's wedding this evening and i know that will be a great time. she's a really cool gal and totally low stress so i know it will be fun. my other girlfriend from slo will be there, too, which will be great. i'm getting my eyebrows done just before we leave today and plan on having a nice, decadent day at home. i'm going to take a nice long bubble bath and treat myself to a mask, scrub and give myself a mani/pedi. It's been so long since I've done any of that.

i just checked my work email and fng had send me something this morning at 6:58 for me to make sure i had taken of an amenity for her for a client arrival this evening. wtf? she had ALL WEEK to talk to me about that, and on top of that, i was there yesterday until 5 pm! i'm going to pretend i didn't get her email, as i'm not on the clock and it is not expected of me to check my mail when i'm not at work, and see what she does. yeah, that's not right, but hell, she has caused me so much trouble already that i'm not going to bend over backwards for her. besides, she had totally requested the wrong amenity and mr. fussypants has already had several conversations with her about that. he also told me not to do anything with her request and that she needed to come to me with her changes. and since she never did, i was not about to be proactive about that for her benefit as she is nothing but a snot to me.

so atty is just the cutest thing right now. he has curled up in between my arms as i'm typing this. and his little motor is just running like crazy. he is the cutest thing ever!!

*grin*

happy -seven- months- without- a- drink to me!

So here I am at Pet's Lifeline
where I adopted Atticus last month.

And here I am on my wedding day .

I find this all amusing, as I had no idea about either of these photos appearing until I randomally searched these sites, and low and behold I appear on both of of them. The wedding photo has been up for almost 3 years now and I discovered it quite by mistake, and it was quite a shock when I came across it. Wonder where else my image might be...

it is such a pretty day outside. i don't wanna be at work anymore today. i just wanna go outside. at least i get off in a little over an hour and i've done most of my tasks for today. fng is still being a pain in the ass. she's awfully grumpy again. maybe she's out of cigarettes.

mr. fussypants has wound himself up into a tissy again and came by my desk to spray himself with some of my lavendar spray. at least he's being nice to me.

i also want to know, why in the hell people feel the need to share with me that they have to go to the bathroom when they walk by me.

i'm not near the bathroom.

people walk by me who don't go to the bathroom, yet certain people feel like their day is somehow not complete until they share with me their bodily functions.

tweedledum always says "i've gotta go potty" when she walks by. is this normal for a 34 year old?

monkey boy just walked by and said "man, I've had to pee, like 12 times today"

what the hell do they expect my response to be? i just sort of look at them and give them an odd smile, like i'm in on their big bathroom secret, or something.

i guess it wouldn't be so bad if it didn't happen all the time with certain people. it's just so odd. i just want to be off work so i can go swimming. and then play with atticus. that's all. is that so much to ask? oh, and maybe take a nap, too.

fake n' bake


so i went to a meeting the other day here at work and two gals from accounting showed up. evidently i didn't get the new lunchtime memo that said we're all supposed to tan at lunch instead of eat.

good god they looked horrible! they were so orange, it was disgusting.

the rest of us are all pale, as it has been raining for a good 3 months solid, and these two gals could pass as george hamilton's daughters. and they thought they looked so good!

apparently, they have been going every day at lunch and have moved up from 2 minutes to a whopping 12 minutes. it just looks so unnatural. i'm so against tanning salons. you can totally tell when someone goes.

we live in california, for god's sake. the sun will return one of these days and everything will be back to nomal. it's so much more attractive when someone is tan because they have been outside instead of baking in a tanning salon. don't they know their insides burn when they do that? apparently they didn't get the memo on that!

grumble grumble


Is it sad to say that I'm glad the weekend is over and I'm back to some semblance of normalacy? You would think that I would be nice and relaxed after being gone all weekend, but I'm really not.


C was a bear the whole time we were gone so that really dampened the mood. Plus, the place we stayed was severly lacking in service. When we got there, the gal who checked us in was wanting to go home so bad, you could smell it. She gave us attitude and keys that didn't work. Our room was way up a hill, which we had to walk up as there was no parking up there, so we didn't find out our keys didn't work until we had lugged everything up.

Um...bellman? Where are you?

So we trudged all of our stuff back down the hill and back into reception to be greated by the she-devil again. She asked if we were sure we tried to open the door correctly.

Um, no, we just figured the keys didn't work. We never really tried them.

So she gave us another set, then told us to call a bellman to help us if those didn't work.

Um, no. We need a bellman now, to help us with our bags. Now. Not after we get up the hill.

So after that whole debacle, C was still in a pissy mood. But we went in the hot tub and things were a bit better, even though we sat on opposite sides of the hot tub as he was just that fussy.

The rest of the weekend was okay. The weather was better than it was here so at least we saw some sun. On Friday we meandered through the town and did some damage at the shops. We saw Thank you for smoking, an awesome movie.

We went in the hot tub a few more times, still sitting away from each other because evidently, I was 'trying to stir up trouble' every time I sat near him. Um..okay.

Saturday we headed into Pismo, which was great. I miss the beach so much. It wasn't really warm, but the sun was out. C went running and I sat on the shore, watching everything go by. Now that was peaceful. I wish I could have stayed out there all day.

Later we headed back into town for lunch and to meet up with one of my girlfriends. We had to head by the hotel first, before we headed to her house, when more trouble arose. As we were driving up the steep incline to our room ~ we thought we might get lucky with finding parking this time ~ we were run into by a golf cart full of housekeeping staff that didn't speak a word of English. The totally slammed into us. I'm not talking slowly, either. They careened down the hill, slammed into the passenger side of the car, crushing the passenger side rear view window into the side of the car and then scratching up the entire right side of the car. It was a sight. Then, like a bunch of cockaroaches, they totally scattered as soon as their golf cart came to a stop. Luckily, a hotel manager was standing outside and caught all the action.

What followed next was even more of a mess. Not only did she not have any idea what to do, she wouldn't even comp us anything. I know that sounds like I'm greedy, but it's not. I mean, we're on vacation, minding our own business when we get hit and now we have to run around up here trying to find someone to fix our car. We should have totally had something comped.

She looked at us like we each had two heads when we asked for our room night to be comped.

She told us "that has nothing to do with your stay here" Oh, okay. You're right. If we weren't staying here, we still would have had our car hit by a bunch of non English speaking cockaroaches. Right.

About 1 1/2 hours later, she called our room and said she could send us up a bottle of champagne, if we wanted. C told her we don't drink, so that was then end of that conversation. She didn't even try to offer anything else.

So sad, too. All through college, everyone thought that was the place to stay. We won't be back, that's for sure. Even sadder, that's where C and I stayed the night he proposed. Well, hopefully we'll keep that night in our memories longer than the past weekend's ocurances.

We didn't make it to my friend's house that afternoon, since we had to wait forever to get all of this semi-resolved. We did hot tub again ~yes on seperate sides again~ then headed back into town. We saw Scary Movie 4, which was lame, then went to Woodstock's Pizza, which was so yummy that it made up for the bad movie.

At one point C asked me what was wrong and I told him I didn't like how he took things out on me and how he was so crabby. He said he was sorry, but I know it wasn't heartfelt. I totally did nice things for him all weekend, to which he would respond "oh, but I didn't do anything for you". I told him that was okay, that I did things for him because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to. He then said to me "Oh, well I guess I don't feel like doing anything for you". And he was serious.

WHY DO I PUT UP WITH THIS????

so there was a deer that was hit by a car in my hometown yesterday. now, that may be a normal thing to some, but my hometown is just outside of the city of angels, yes, good ol' los angeles. i've seen the random coyote run down the street before, but certainly never a deer. i had to let my husband and father-in-law ~ both disbelievers that nature exists in LA ~ know about the tragedy. they were amused, but said the deer ran into the oncoming traffic so he would not have to deal with the people of LA. humph.

PMS

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect


This list is especially fitting today. Not only did I catch the crimson wave today, I totally forgot my bag o' supplies at home. So I had to use some other product that just isn't cutting it. Aaahh...isn't being a woman grand!

bliss awaits

i'm so excited. we are going here tomorrow after work and i cannot wait. we're staying for the whole weekend, too! it has been so long since we've gone away somewhere and this is definitely somewhere fun. even though it will be raining we'lll still have a great time. every room has its own mineral hot tub. yipeeee!!!! i want to go now!!!

okay, so it's more like torrential rain rather than just a shower. the wind is howling and the sky is so dark. the rain is running down the windows in silver rivulets shielding my sight from the outside.

my office space is warm and cozy since i am using a co-workers space heater. flowergirl has left me two gorgeous arrangements on my desk that cheer up my dreary work space. purple freesia and white lilys. so happy and fragrant.

c and i are going away for the easter weekend and i can't wait. we're going down to slo for the weekend and are staying at great mineral spring resort. i just extended our stay to include thursday night so we will now have two and a half days there. we're both really looking forward to going. every room at the resort has its own mineral hot tub. yay! plus we love that area. we met there while we were going to college so it has fun memories for us.

flower girl is going to take care of atty while we're gone. i know he'll be in good hands with her. she has two kitties of her own so i know she will be loving and tender with my little one. i was going to ask another friend, but she's a little more rough and loud, so i think that she would scare little atticus a bit more.

oh, i can't wait for this weekend to come!

monday mayhem


what a day today has been. first off, i could not get out of bed this morning. i seriously hit the alarm for almost an hour until i finally rolled out of bed at 6:20 am. as i stood in the shower, letting the warm steam envelop me, i slowly woke up. the warm water soothed my sleepy skin and the bath gel woke my senses. i had fun with new hair products i got this weekend ~ i discovered a salon in town that sells bumble & bumble..yipee!~ so i was off to a very slow start.

even still, i was only 10 minutes late to work.

but, as soon as i got there, trouble began. or i should say, it had already begun. my desk had been moved, well, actually, the whole area in which i sit had been totally rearanged. but to make matters worse, my desk weights about 500 lbs, so there was no way i could move it by myself. anyhow, it took me the better part of 20 minutes to get everything back in order.

the day went mostly quietly after that, well, until about lunchtime. one of the fashion victims kept asking me to do random things for her ~ things she could have totally done herself ~ but kept having me do them instead. i got sassy with her after the third thing she asked me, especially since she never gives me a deadline or why she needs something done. she backed off after that.

later, fng totally got in my face. she actually yelled at me. i totally wanted to lash back, but didn't. i don't need to waste my energy on her. she just totally looks at me like i'm some dumb kid. i can totally feel it. she's way too old to be working and is just bitter about it. i know she doesn't respect me,but that's fine. i don't respect her since she treats everyone like they are beneath her.

i finally left work and attempted to run some errands. i went to 3 different places to get some alterations done, and no one was available! i know this is a small town, but come on! i'm little so i desparetly need some pants hemmed. guess i can learn how to do them myself....

so after giving up after the third place, i decided to get a pedicure. well, the place i went to had already sent the manicurist home for the day...before 3:30! humph.

then i went to rite aid to get some film developed, and the one hour photo machine was broken so i had to send my film out. yes, i know. i really should get a digital camera.

but then i saw the happy green sign of starbucks. starbucks never lets me down. i had a yummy ....hehehehhehehhe my cat is farting !! haha. okay, i'm a 5 year old. oh that totally made me lol~ so anyway, my coffee drink is yummy and now i'm enjoying the antics of atticus. so, the day has ended well...well, it's not over yet, but it's going pretty well right now...

lestat research

wow. what a fucking tool. so i just looked up lestat's salary at the evil empire, and he makes a good 30k less than he says he does. how lame is that! i mean, round up a little, i guess, but 30k? that's a huge difference. what an ididot. no wonder he has a complex.

yipee!

my heart is melting right now, just melting. c came home from work today and said that he doesn't want atticus to be an outside cat because he likes him too much in the house. he said he "loves the big guy" and doesn't want him to be outside alone and scared. awww! and he said since he and atty made the 'best friend pact' yesterday, he wants atty to be around all the time. then he asked why we didn't get a cat sooner....i said if we did, then we wouldn't have gotten so lucky with atty. :) i'm just so happy right now, and i know atty is too!

still waiting

so i still have yet to hear from my mother. i made her a birthday present ~ a scrapbook ~ and she got it on friday and she has yet to thank me for it. it was very difficult for me to make her something as we have never had what you would call a close relationship, but still, a thank you is in order.

we have never been close or even very friendly with each other, and that has taken its toll. this year i really tried. i put together some pictures i had of the two of us, which was very difficult as i don't have very many at all, and made a little scrapbook for her. it turned out really good, which is saying a lot since i really don't make scrapbooks all that often. in fact, i haven't made one in about 4 years.

but anyhow, i put a lot of work and effort into it and to not even get a thanks is sad.

sad, but typical at the same time.

and now i'm being stubborn because i haven't called her since her birthday last wednesday because i'm waiting to see just how long it will take her to call me. i always yield to her and this time i will not. i will also not let her make me feel bad, cry, or hate myself at her expense.

i am sad that this is our relationship, but there is nothing that i can do that i haven't already tried. she is just so stuck in another world that there is no breaking through to her. she will not open her eyes and see anything other than they way she knows things, things she learned back in the 40's in germany. things have changed since then, but she will not change. her mind is made up. her eyes are closed to me and the world around her.

what's even sadder is that she has dragged my father down into this world with her. i know that they are good people and that they love me, but they just don't know how to show anything other than the oddness that is their world.

good lord. i wish old complainer would just go away. she loves to boss me around with a stupid i'm-better-than-you smile on her old wrinkly face. i was on my way to a client this morning, but stopped by a coworker's office first to grab my coat ~ i don't have a place to hang my coat where i sit ~ and was chatting about atticus. old compainer made a few snide comments to how slow i was being in getting over to said client. fucking bitch. i had already spoken with said client, oh about 4 times this morning and had been working with him since yesterday. she had no clue. i just smiled back and went on my way. she is just such an old beast. this whole group i'm working with could be so much better, but it's one of tweedle dum's groups so everything is a mess. she freaks out over the smallest thing and is the most unorganized person ever. and she talks like a 5 year old. i hate that. you're in your 30's, act like it. humph!

it's pouring rain, again. won't it ever stop????

so yesterday, c said the cutest thing. he told me that during lunch ~ he goes home every day ~ he and atty made a pact to be best friends for life. how cute is that? i love that he's so enamored with the kitty! he's so awesome around atty, it just warms my heart and makes all the fussy stuff go away.


so i feel like all i've done this weekend is clean. clean and do laundry. we went to dinner on friday night with some friends. they're the ones having the wedding in the virgin islands this summer. we haven't told them yet that we're not going. we sort of wussed out at dinner. it was totally our plan to tell them then, but we just never did. and we got their invite in the mail this weekend as well, so now we're really on the hook. c. hunted all day on saturday. another friend and her fiance were in town as well but we weren't able to get together with them 'cause c got home too late. i was lame because i didn't call them. i still need to call.

klgbffvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv]v hehe...atticus just walked across my keyboard. guess he had something to say!

c's parents came over this afternoon to meet atticus. i made an apple torte and it turned out pretty tasty. i found the recipe in this month's self magazine. it's been so long since i've made anything from scratch. i even used my big 'ol mixer. but, i did dishes about 8 times this weekend so far, so that has sucked, big time.

i'm so sick of this damn rain. and it's going to take me forever to get used to the time change. grr.


i got a new swim suit last week and i want to go swimming but the weather sucks so there's no way i'm going to get my little toes out in the open. i don't know how people at the gym go swimming right now. and they swim in the freezing rain, too. rain rain go away. don't come back another day.

so i still have yet to hear from my mother about the birthday present i made for her. is it that hard for her to call and just say thanks? obviously it is.

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