so today i had another litany of tests done. this time i went to see a cardiologist. i've had a goofy heart beat for some time now and i've been on beta blockers for it for several years. well, my ob feels that i should not be on it for my last trimester as it can increase the chances of little miss peanut being small at birth. so, i went off them.

today i had an ekg and some other random heart tests that prove that i do, in fact, have a mini heart murmur. so, more tests need to be done. sigh. in a week i have to wear a halter monitor for 24 hours which will see what my heart is doing. then i have to get more blood work done. then i have to get a heart sonogram. but, the cardiologist was super nice and seemed very knowledgeable. he also agreed that i should be off the beta blockers and was glad that my ob took me off of them. he said i will notice my heart race more, but that should be just more of an inconvenience to me than anything else.

my appointment lasted for almost 2 hours. so, as a treat, i went to jamba juice afterwards. mmm.

and while i was at my appointment today, i got the results back from my glucose test from yesterday. i had to drink that flat orange soda stuff and wait for an hour and then have blood drawn. yummy. well, turns out i DON'T have gestational diabetes. Yay!! but, i do have slight anemia, so i will need to take a daily iron tablet. but, that's okay. i would rather be a bit anemic than diabetic.

but really, i would just like for all of these tests to be done!

13 mom characteristics/traits/items that frighten me:

1. mom jeans. please shoot me if i am EVER seen in a pair.

2. mom hair. again, just shoot me.

3. driving a mini van. an suv or a station wagon is fine. however, a mini van is not.

4. being a soccer mom.

5. the stay at home mom who gives up on life and has a midlife crisis at 40.

6. being a stepford wife.

7. trying to act and dress like she is 20, when really she is over 40.

8. being a mommy blogger as the only means of interaction with the real world.

9. living their life vicariously through their children to the point of pushing their child to do things they don't really want to do, like play certain sports, participate in pageants and play instruments.

10. on that note, pageant moms.

11. spending ridiculous amounts of money on a child's birthday party as if it were a wedding.

12. not being able to cook a single meal unless it consists of putting something in the microwave or adding boiling water. seriously. read a freaking cookbook. it isn't hard.

13. going out and partying at all hours, forgetting they are even a mom.

sad news.

one of my dearest friends had an awful family tragedy occur this weekend. please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

weekend update.

my weekend recap will be short and sweet. we left town around 7 pm so we missed a good deal of traffic. we filled up about half way there to make sure we had enough gas to make it up the mountain and it was an astronomical $4.25 a gallon for regular! YIKES.

along the way it started raining. nothing heavy, but rain nonetheless. we arrived around 10:30 pm to snow and cold. luckily the cabin has several space heaters which we plugged in and went straight to bed.
check me out in my j-lo outfit as soon as we arrived.

since the weather was stormy all weekend, we stayed in bed or hung out in the living room by the fire. at one point we went into town ~ a term a use loosely as there are only 25 year round residents ~ and hubby had to tie my tennis shoes for me as i can no longer reach my feet!!

i read two books over the 3 days and relaxed a whole bunch. all the swelling that i had the week before had gone away completely. i'm almost ready to go back to work tomorrow. almost!

oh, and here i am when we got home this evening in our garden. i can't believe i'm 7 months along!!


well, i'm about off for the weekend, and not a moment too soon!

i still have to stop by the grocery store for a few things and oh, pack. and fill up the car. on my way to work it was $4.05 a gallon. sweet. but, for three totally uninterrupted days of peace and quiet, it's worth every penny.

thunder storms are expected, but that could make for a warm and cozy weekend.

hope you all have a fantabulous holiday weekend!!



You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need.

You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law.

While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top.

You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!


i've been sort of blue since yesterday after my doctor's appointment and i just can't shake the feeling. first, i have to say, i love love love my new doctor's office. i have been meeting with a fantastic midwife for the past few visits and i am definitely going to have her do my delivery.

anyhow, as part of my appointment yesterday we talked about my relationship with my mother and while the conversation went well, it was a bit saddening to talk about how she has never been a real mother to me. my midwife was concerned for me as the whole birthing process is quite emotional, as well as totally physical. i assured her that i have a very strong girlfriend support system, but i did agree that i was saddened that i would not have anyone who fills that motherly role.

i know that mentally i am quite a strong girl, but i am not invincible. and while i try to hide it, it really does bother me deep down that i have never had a motherly figure in my life. actually, it bothers me a lot. i have some great friends who have wonderful mothers, like sally and jacarandabush, and i always enjoy being around their mothers. even their fathers are great.

things have gotten increasingly harder for me that my parents are so out of touch with reality and with me. in the past i have done so much to include them, but they just don't seem to care. what bothers me even more is the fact that they adopted me, so you would think that they would just have this outpouring of love to give. but they don't. at the start of last year, i even wrote my mother a long letter, explaining how i was feeling and she never responded. she didn't even acknowledge that she received the letter, though i know she did.

even when i was a child, there was nothing warm and loving about them. they never attended any of my events unless it was orchestra. they didn't attend gymnastics, swimming or cheerleading events. they didn't read the school newspaper when i had an article published. my mother didn't even see the point in going to my college graduation as she didn't feel it was that big of a deal, even though no one else in my family has ever gone. she couldn't understand why my mil (before she was even my mil) wanted to throw me a graduation party. she also told me around the time i was in my early 20's that no one celebrated birthdays anymore and that i couldn't have people over when it was my birthday. and if people did come over, she told them not to bring me gifts.

the longer i'm away from them, the more strength i have. but, it also tends to make me more meloncholy when i give myself time to think about it as well. i know i will never change them. i had hoped things would change once i became pregnant, but nothing has changed. they don't even want to come up when i go into labor. i know i just need to be strong and move on with things, but it still hurts and makes me feel alone.

by the numbers.

my new bra size: 36-d

friends who have given birth so far this year: 7

friends who will give birth later this year: 3

months until i give birth: 3

baby showers i will have within the next two months: 4

baby showers my mother will attend: 0

baby showers my mil will attend: 1

price i paid to fill up my car today with unleaded gas: $3.99/gal

price i paid for a gallon of milk yesterday: $2.99/gal

amount left in my checking account: $56.43

books i am reading right now: 2

books that are in the mail to me: 2

days until we go out of town for memorial day: 3

days we will be out of communication from the world: 3


so now my mil isn't coming to my shower, either. that really surprises me. it's a different shower than the one that my mom isn't going to, but i still feel weird. she's the one who cries about the baby and makes such a huge deal that i'm pregnant with a girl and her first grandchild and the first grandchild of the family, for that matter.

she just emailed me asking when i'm free in july as her friends want to throw me a shower.

sidenote on this: i have mentioned this before, but she has this group of friends who pretend to be these high society ladies and no one has ever bothered to tell them that they're not. they gossip and talk about everyone in town and think they are the cat's ass. they are only friends because all their kids went to grade school together. no one can join their clique and no one can escape it, either. they're like stepford wives, only nastier. oh, and i'm not allowed to invite any of my friends to their functions, either.

anyhow, i told her i was not free on one friday and one saturday in july, the friday for hubby's birthday and the saturday for the shower a dear friend is throwing, which i told her she and the other ladies in the family would be invited to. she then told me that she and my fil are going to the family cabin for a week in july and will be leaving the day before so she will miss the shower. um, seriously? the day before? like she couldn't leave either after my shower or that following sunday? i guess not. it just sort of blows me away.

whew! what a weekend. we didn't do a whole lot, but it was soo hot that i'm extra drained. it's been at least 100 since wednesday, and it didn't even cool down at all on wednesday night ~ the coolest it got was 80! luckily, the fog has rolled in each night since so the evenings have been in the 60's.

anywho, yesterday we spent the day running errands, which was oh so much fun. only not. i had to get an oil change but they guys at the place in town are super cute, so i didn't mind waiting. later we both went to get flea collars for the kitties as we found a flea in the house the other day. other random errands were done then we spent the afternoon at hubby's granny's house and sat by the pool. let me tell you, floating in that pool was heavenly!

today hubby worked in the garden a bit then we headed to out to catch a baseball game with some friends. it was so hot, but a lot of fun. my girlfriend and i had to take a break and get out of the sun for a bit, but the boys were much tougher and stayed in the sun the entire time. i slathered myself in sun block several times throughout the game as i kept sweating it off.

my new bra arrived yesterday ~ the 34D ~ and it's a bit snug and i have to close it on the last hook, so really, i need a 36D instead. sigh.

i also ordered a new cell phone today. yipee! i have been checking out the refurbished phones and i was undecided between two different ones. today i went back and checked on them and one of the phones i was considering dropped in price so i knew i had to have it. i'm so excited. it should get it sometime this week. i really wanted to get an iphone, but i could just not justify the price, even on the refurbished ones. but i think i will really like the one i got.

next weekend we're heading up to hubby's family cabin and i'm really looking forward to it. we haven't been out of town for a while now and the cabin is so relaxing and peaceful so i am thrilled that we're going. it will just be the two of us, which will be extra nice.

well, i'm hungry and tired so i better get...

mom " so we have a few gifts for you from your aunt for the baby. we'll get them to you whenever we see you next."

me " well, i'll be down in june for my shower."

mom " ugh. june is so hot."

me " well, i need to have the shower before the baby is due. besides the shower is in hermosa beach so it will be cooler there."

mom " we're going to a wedding in june for a second cousin of yours that you don't know. "

me " um. okay. who is it and when are you going? "

mom " it's june 21 in kansas."

me " um..that's the same date as my shower. "

mom " well, he comes from an unstable family. you know, he was born out of wedlock. so i want to be there to support him."

me " so you're going to some guys wedding who you barely know instead of my shower?"

mom "you sound like you have a cold. are you sick? "

seriously. and you wonder why we're not close.


would you buy a refurbished cell phone from a reputable dealer ie: at&t, verizon, t-mobile? i'm looking to get a new phone since i need to give back my work phone when i leave and found some good deals on refurbished ones. what do you recommend?

i have a cold and don't like it one bit. i woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and sneezed all day long. i thought perhaps it was just allergies, but i am now convinced it is a cold. i did sleep well last night, though. i just feel crummy today. my head is all stuffy and full of cobwebs and my throat is still really sore. and i cannot stop sneezing. sigh. oh well. my asshat boss is off today and for that i am so glad. i don't really have much to do today, which sure helps with the being sick part.

last night as i went to bed, hubby decided to go with me, which is rare as he usually cuddles up on the couch and falls asleep there then gets himself to bed somewhere in the middle of the night. anyhow, he asked how the baby was doing and if she had been kicking recently. i told him she hadn't kicked in a little while and that she might be done for the night. well, he scooted over to me and put his hand on my belly and started talking to her...and she kicked! it was so sweet. she kicked about 5 times just for him.

i just had to buy a new bra as i'm busting out of my current one. i'm now up to a 34-d. yikes!

13 names i will not be naming little miss peanut:

1. brumhilda (my mother's suggestion)

2. bernadette ( my mother's suggestion)

3. mary katherine

4. virginia

5. victoria

6. elizabeth

7. kennedy

8. makenzie

9. ainsley

10. agnes

11. tiffany

12. chrystal

13. sharon


after much discussion last night, hubby convinced me not to go to the City tonight for the book reading that i really wanted to go to. he was concerned with me driving by myself and being in the City at 6 1/2 months pregnant.

even my argument that i drive the same distance to work each day and that we lived in the City for 2 years and that i grew up in a city didn't hold any weight with him. i told him to come with me, that perhaps he would enjoy the reading as well, but he didn't want to go. i finally relented, realizing that there are other battles that i would like to have and win. i am disappointed that i didn't get to go, but i do see his point ~ sort of.

and oddly enough, as soon as i left work today i was suddenly exhausted and took a nap as soon as i got home, so i would have been a mess had i tried to go to the reading. i guess it all worked out for the best.

hubby ended up coming home late and was only home about a half hour before he headed out to a meeting. i'm glad for the quiet.

little miss peanut has been kicking up quite the storm this evening and i'm in super comfy clothes, so i'm happy.

and thank god i'm on my meds again or else this wouldn't have been so easy to deal with!

cheer: at my doctor's appointment on wednesday, i was put back on my anti-anxiety meds. praise the jesus baby. i noticed the difference almost immediately. the midwife that i had met with said she was really surprised that my other doctor had taken me off of it as the kind i was on didn't have any side effects. and, since i had been on it for 7 years already, it wasn't so great for me to be off, either. i love my new doctor's office.

jeer: the weather was sunny but so cold yesterday. like, really cold. and windy.

cheer: my asshat boss is out today so it's just me in the office. whoot!

jeer: we still haven't received our economic stimulus check.

cheer: we bought baby furniture this weekend; a crib and mattress, a chest of drawers, a glider with an ottoman and a bob jogger so hubby can take little miss peanut on runs with him.

jeer: i am now blocked from listening to radio stations on the computer at work. damn big brother.

cheer: but, i am now able to get on msn messenger at work. anyone want to chat!?

jeer: we're having a garage sale on saturday and still have so much work to do.

cheer: i went online to place an ad in the paper for said garage sale, but realized it cost $20 to do so, so i emailed my friend at the paper and he placed the ad for me for free.


wow. i just sat through what had to be one of the most idiotic meetings. ever. my asshat of a boss was explaining that we need to be prepared for hard times. that there is this thing called a recession that we may experience.

really? no shit.

he then went on to say "i've never been through hard times in my life before. i was born in '65 and there has never been a recession since i've been alive."


did he miss the early 80's? or how about in the early 90's? or what about the recession in the 2000's that resulted as a combination of the dot com crash and about 9-11? my dad was laid off from his job in the early 90's and hubby was laid off from his job during the dot com crash, both due to the recessions at the time. good god. every day this guy is a bigger douche.

because i'm lacking in the creativity department today, here's a list of 13 things i am currently coveting:

1. an iphone. i have a super slick blackberry world edition that i use for work, but i will have to give that back once i am on maternity leave, so i will need a new phone.

2. tory burch revas ballet slippers. i just love the look of these shoes. they come in an array of colors and are so comfy.

3. penelope bedding from pottery barn kids. it's on my registry, but i really, really like it a lot. i think out of everything i've registered for, it's what i'd like the most.

4. i'd like to go away for a long weekend to santa barbara. it's my most favorite place to visit and it's been forever since i've been there.

5. pinkberry frozen yogurt. it's the yummiest frozen yogurt i've ever tasted.

6. to go to felicia sullivan's book reading next week in the City. this was such a great, well written book and i would just love to go and meet her.

7. i would love to start up a delivery of flowers from the best flower shop, ever, fleuressence. i had stopped getting flowers delivered a few months ago when money was a bit tight and never resumed delivery.

8. a kate spade diaper bag. currently this is the one i like the best, but there's always a new one out that catches my eye.

9. a new kate spade wallet. my current wallet is so worn and tattered that my credit cards keep falling out.

10. an ipod music interface for my volvo so my ipod will run seamlessly through the stero without having to use the odd shaped gadget that i currently have plugged into the dash.

11. the debra necklace in the wild rose design by the fabulous wendy brandes.

12. a trip to sedona to stay at l'auberge de sedona. we had planned a trip there last year, but i suddenly became unemployed and we had to cancel the trip.

a complete full day at the spa. i want to be totally pampered for hours on end.

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