oot oot.

i won a bid on ebay today for a pair of 7 for all mankind jeans ~ pregnancy style. i'm stoked because i won them for $60 when they are normally more than double that. i just wish i could wear them to work. i figure if i have to wear maternity clothes, i can at least look cute while doing so. i am not going to be frumpy, dammit! though, i feel frumpy.

but, on another positive note, my hair is growing pretty quickly and i can put it in a mini ponytail now. i still don't like what it looks like, but it is getting better. now, don't get me wrong, i love short hair on other people. just not on me. sadly, it took me having it all cut off to realize that.

all day long i have thought it was friday. actually, i started thinking that last night ~ that today was friday. i've totally been ready to sleep in and relax tomorrow, but will sadly have to wait an extra day. so far i don't have any plans for the weekend and for that i'm glad. i do have to do finances, which sucks.

WHOOT WHOOT! i just got a delivery!!! what are my treats, you ask? well some books i ordered from barnes and noble, including the sky isn't visible from here by felicia sullivan, which was recommended by maggie, and hope in a jar moisturizer by philosophy. yipee! i love getting stuff, even if it was just me who ordered everything.

and i'm glad to have received the boxes because i need to send something off to one of my girlfriends....

i bought my first maternity clothes today. i am no longer comfortable in my regular clothes and am not really happy walking around with my pants unbuttoned all the time, either. i do have a belly band thing, but it's really not that comfortable for me.

over the weekend i went to the gap and bought two pairs of regular pants, in a size bigger than normal. and while those are nice and comfy, i knew i need to get something that would fit a bit better and for a bit longer. i didn't buy much, just some jeans, khakis, shorts and a pretty flowy top, but they will last me longer than the regular stuff. i bought everything at the gap online, so it was nice and cheap.

my mil thinks i should shop at a pea in the pod, but clearly she's on crack because there is no way i can afford that stuff and i know she won't be dropping any cash one me. and i am definitely showing now, which is good seeing how i'm 4 months along. holy crap. how did that happen so fast?

i also started my registries. i don't have too much on them, but i figured it was never too early to start. plus several of my girlfriends have given me some pretty good tips on what to get, so i know i'm going in the right direction. the fun part about registries is that you can put anything you want on there and it doesn't make one bit of difference because you're not forcing anyone to buy you anything.

once we find out the sex of the kid, then i can start adding stuff based more on what we're having rather than a bunch of generic stuff like it is now. but, i don't want to be traditional, so i'm not doing all pink or all blue, either. not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not for me.

well, i'm exhausted. i made sally's mom's meatloaf for dinner and had a long bath and now am ready for bed.

good night, lovers!




Your EQ is 153



Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.



Seriously though, your whole "Don't Worry, Be Happy" philosophy is really what defines emotional intelligence.

You're warm, open, and very optimistic. You know how to act appropriately, even if you don't feel like it.



You are a good communicator, and you have little difficulty with personal relationships - even when you're dealing with difficult people.

In general, you are successful, capable, together person. You get what you want out of life.

cravings.

omg. i cannot even explain how much i am craving this very burger right now. the only crappy part is that i am NOWHERE NEAR this delicious burger, as they are only in LA. but, i will be going down for a wedding in the middle of april, so you all know what i will be eating just as soon as i get off the plane in burbank. thank god there's a tommy's near the airport!!! and really, if you haven't had one of these delectable treats, you are missing out. mmmm.

heh.



this was sent to me by one of my favorite boys. one time when we were both thowing back a few i even told him that i wanted to marry him someday. i still think he's quite the catch.

i'm a bit grumpy this morning. i had a horrible night of sleep last night as i just couldn't get into a confortable position. nothing seemed to work. and now my back is killing me. i know, waa.

and yesterday, i had planned on visiting on of my girlfriends that i hadn't seen in a long while until hubby got all fussy with me and i had to change my plans at the very last minute. see, he wanted me to drive out with him to see one of his friends and it annoyed the crap out of me. i don' t know his friend very well and this guy does our taxes so hubby was going to drop off our tax stuff then we were all going to have lunch. i asked hubby on friday if it was alright for me to visit my friend instead, and he said it was fine. so, i made plans with her. well, sunday rolled around and he got all fussy saying i would rather hang out with her than him and yadda yadda. i was in no mood to argue more than we already had, so i gave in. i hate cancelling on people. she even had something for me. grr. i'm going to try to see her after work tonight.

oh, and yesterday hubby said that i need to invite my mother in law to any shower that is thrown for me or else her feelings would be seriously hurt. okay, so now i ask all of you, are you kidding me? i don't want her at the showers! yes, i am an ass. she is a pretentious snot that looks down her nose at everyone else and is pretty nasty. i know her group of friends will throw me a shower and that will be painful enough. trust me when i say that. and no, i will not be asking any of my friends to attend that one, as it was a disaster when i asked them to my bridal shower almost 5 years ago. my mil has this nasty group of friends that don't want any outsiders participating in their activites.

so, i do not want her attending the shower my girlfriend is throwing for me in LA. is that wrong? do i just ned to suck it up and invite her? i won't be inviting my mother to anything BUT the one in LA. besides, i am not driving from nor cal to so cal with her in the car. and where would she stay? not with us, that's for sure! am i being a total sniveling snot about this? i have no idea what baby shower protocal is, but i really didn't think my mother in law had to be invited to all of them. i'm secretly hoping one of my friends up here will throw me one, but i haven't been asked. if that does happen, i'm not inviting her. she doesn't even know any of my friends!

i hate talking on the phone. seriously. i do. when i was a teenager, that's all i wanted to do. now, i can't stand it. if you have email, use it. i will answer you lickety split. if you call me, it will take me forever to call you back.

i love to sleep. it's my favorite form of escape.

i hate brushing my teeth and washing my hands. i know, eww. gross. i do it, but i don't like it.

i would rather read than watch tv. unless the office or a marathon of law & order criminal intent or special victims is on. then i'll watch tv.

i'm not attracted to blonde, pretty men. i like my men dark and rugged.

the oldest man i have been with was 10 years my senior, the youngest was 8 years my junor. neither of them really did it for me.

i have made out with 3 girls. and not at the same time, or even on the same day.

i vote for the candidate i think will do the best job, regardless of their political affiliation.

most of the republicans i know are more liberal-minded than the democrats i know.

i live in a very pretentious town and i hate it. everyone trys to keep up with the joneses and it's very annoying. my in-laws are the worst and love to name drop, which makes me throw up a little in my mouth each time they do.

i really don't like being pregnant. i hate how i feel all the time and don't like the everchanging things that are happening to me. and waking up in the middle of the night to pee really sucks.

i still really hate my hair. i had such pretty long hair and don't know what i was thinking when i wanted a change. then i got that awful hair cut that had to be fixed. i don't even like looking in the mirror anymore. i just feel ugly.

i'm not a water drinker but i force myself to because i know it's good for the peanut. i bought a fancy new water bottle to entice me to drink more. it sort of helps.

one of my girlfriends has already offered to throw me a shower in LA and i'm so excited. i'm even more excited because she lives at the beach. i'm also stoked because i won't have to stay at my parent's house when the time comes because she lives on the other side of the valley from them, so i can definitely make the arguement that it's too much driving for just a weekend since i will already be driving down from nor cal.

i cannot live without music. i listen to it all the time.

hubby thinks i'm incredibly closed minded. i have no idea why. he says because i am a know-it-all, which i also disagree with.

when i told hubby i was excited that the peanut would be bilogically related to me, he said "there are lot's of people biologically related to you. you just don't know them." gee, thanks. i already knew that, dipshit, thus my excitement.

i have 6 tattoos and am always considering getting more.

i only have my ears pierced.

i once had my belly button pierced, but didn't like it so i took out the ring. 13 years later, i still have the hole.

i hate pc's with a vengance. mac's are so superior, it isn't even funny anymore.

when all else fails, try, try again.

i'm not sure why the other template didn't want to play nice, though it did for me at home on my trusty mac. i'm guessing pc's just don't like the fanciness. who knows. hopefully this will work for all of you now!

xoxo

my first crush.

there was just something about him. he had that twinkle in his eye, that impish grin and a little bit of mischief mixed in with the yummy smell of boy. he was 3 years younger than me but i had a mad crush on him.

i met his sister at a church dance sometime around the start of junior high and we instantly became friends because we shared the same name. but as soon as i met him, i secretly hung out with her as much a i could so i could see him. i would go watch her play ayso soccer because her games were right after his and we'd have to get there early to cheer for his team. as we got older, i spent the night at their house and would always hope he would be around, which he often was.

i kept my cool and never let on that i wanted to be more than just his sister's friend.

as his sister and i got older, our sleep overs were a bit more wild and he hung out more with us, with his cute friends in tow. he still didn't suspect a thing, and i don't think she did, either.

by the time i was a senior in high school, i couldn't stand it anymore and asked him to my homecoming dance. this was a big move for me as i had been secretly harboring this crush for years. he was 4 years behind me in school, so that meant i would be a senior asking a freshman to my homecoming dance ~ i was 17, he was 14. but since he went to a different school, no one was the wiser. i was so nervous when i called to ask him. he said yes without a second thought and i could hardly contain myself.

my mom cooked a fancy steak dinner for a bunch of friends before the dance and we all felt so grown up sitting at the fancy dining room table. i think there were 4 couples total. nothing happened at that dance, not even a kiss. asking him to the dance was one thing, making the first move was a totally different story. even still, i had a great time, especially when we slow danced. even years later, his mother still kept that homecoming photo on her mantle.

for the next few years we kept in touch. either he had a girlfriend or i had a boyfriend so nothing happened, though there was always friendly flirting. at times i would tease him about having a crush on him and he not doing anything about it, to which he would always respond that he wished he hadn't been so naive.

i don't know when things changed but i think after a night of drinking at a dive bar a bunch of us frequented, we finally kissed. in my buzzed state, it was everything i had hoped for and more. as we cuddled and giggled in the back seat of my girlfriend's car, i wished we could explore each other further, but knew we couldn't. i think we were both with other people at the time and kissing was as far as we would go.

this happened on and off for years.

after i moved away for college, we still kept in touch. whenever i would go home, a bunch of us would get together and he and i would inevitably end up kissing and cuddling by the end of the night. but, the feelings were always fleeting and as soon as we were apart, we didn't think of each other. it was more like a friends with kissing and cuddling benefits. as the years went by more of the same happened. several years went buy and he and a buddy went on a road trip and visited me for a night so i grabbed a girlfriend and the four of us had a crazy night out with tons of drunken debauchery.

both he and his buddy from the road trip ~ who had also turned into a good friend of mine ~ did readings at my wedding. sadly, we lost touch shortly after that. i know it's for the best as i obviously couldn't keep up that kind of friendship while married. i'm sure i've seen him a few times since the wedding, and always have fond memories of him. i recently found out he got married and while i'm so happy for him, my heart sank a tiny bit. i wonder if his mother still has our homecoming photo up on the mantle.

help, please.

okay, i need your help. see, i would really like to not have to come back to my dreaded job after i have the baby. i don't mind going back to work part time somewhere in the town where i live, but driving 45 minutes each way will not work for me. plus, i'm not that thrilled to be working here. anyhow, i digress.

i have not told anyone at work my intentions, but i need to find out what i have to do legally and insurance wise since my insurance is through my work. both hubby and his mother said i have to come back to work for a period of time so that i do not have to pay the insurance company back for all they will have paid while i was on leave. that sounds really odd to me as i pay the insurance by payroll deductions and will continue doing so when i am on leave. i looked through my employee handbook and there was nothing that stated that i had to come back after my leave in order not to be penalized.

does anyone know the answer? one of my girlfriends said all i would have to do is call or email saying i wasn't coming back and that i would be cleared of any responsibility.

the odd part to me is that both my mother-in-law and hubby are the hr people at their respective jobs! for hubby, he has been asked to take on that roll along side his normal roll as his firm is small, so i cut him some slack for not knowing as he has never been faced with that issue. my mil on the other hand, seems to be pretty clueless when it comes to hr stuff, which is frightening considering that's all she does.

anyhow, your comments would be MUCH appreciated...thanks!

after much deliberation and some argument, i laid my foot down and booked us a mini vacation to spring training. i told hubby i would pay for all of it ~ because i'm on crack, evidently~ but it was the only way i could get him to agree to go. we went last year and had a blast. knowing that we would not be going anywhere now that i'm pregnant ~ not because we can't travel, but because he doesn't want to spend a dime ~ i needed to do something because i am already going stir crazy. and, since spring training has been one of his "10 things i want to do before i die" i knew it was the trip to take.

we went last year and had such a great time that we decided to make it an annual trip. well, since he's such a meiser, he had previously said "no" to going this year. anyhow, i convinced him and i couldn't be happier. i told him since the baby is due just days after our 5 year anniversary, we obviously won't be doing anything for the anniversary, so we can could this trip as our anniversary trip. as he considered this gift, i booked the trip faster than you can say "sucker, i lied. you still have to do something for our anniversary".

so, in a few weeks, we will fly into pheonix on a friday night, catch a game on saturday and one on sunday, then fly back on sunday night. while there, we will also make the requisite trip to cabelas. i'm stoked to be going, not only for the nice, warm weather, but for the love of the game. there's just something about the smell of freshly mowed grass, the sun shining brightly overhead and hearing the crack of the bat.

the weekend.

i have just begun a blissful 3 day weekend and the only plans i have is to visit a girlfriend tomorrow afternoon. but, i have a list of things i would like to accomplish:

* go to target for cleaning supplies and a new home phone ~ must.stay.within.budget. oh, who am i kiddidng!?
* go to the grocery store as pretty much the only food we have in the house is cat food.
* pay the dreaded bills and work on home finances.
* organize the office (which will soon turn into the nursery)
* start some kind of exercise regimen because i have been lazy for far too long.
* return phone calls to friends that i have been to busy/stressed out/tired during the week to make.
* bake something tasty.
* spend time outside because it's a pretty spring-like day.


i have never been a fan of valentine's day. it always seemed strange to me that we need hallmark to tell us to love our loved one on a certain day. shouldn't we love them the same, regardless of what day it is? i guess for me, i would much rather have my loved one do something nice for me totally at random, totally because he wanted to, and not because it was 'the thing to do'.

not only that, but you totally get taken to the cleaners if you want to do anything today. florists raise their prices, as do restaurants, especially high end restaurants who typically have a prix fixe menu. i swear i'm not a heartless person, but i just don't see the point. i guess i have always seen the anniversary as the time to do something extra special and nice.

when hubby and i were dating, he would bring me flowers every week and always had something fun planned for the weekend. i LOVED that. i did nice things for him, too, and since they were unexpected, it meant so much more to us. now things are different because we're married, but he still will do nice things for me. a random dinner out in the middle of the week, picking wildflowers for me from a run he goes on, buying me a treat when he goes to the grocery store. those are the things i really like. heck, right now, i LOVE it when he does the laundry and the dishes without complaining!!
i think the only time i have ever celebrated Valentine's day is when i was in elementary school.

* Peter Gibbons: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.


so tomorrow i have two meetings with all of my bosses. did i mention i now have 4 bosses? and back to back, no less. the first meeting is to discuss who knows what then the second meeting is i'm sure more of the same. okay, so that's not entirely true. my newest boss is leaving for two weeks tomorrow, so the first meeting will be about things that need to get done while he is gone. the second meeting, with an additional boss, will be presumably about my role in all of this.

see, today i talked to the new boss and tried to share some of my frustrations, which, of course, fell on deaf ears, and i mentioned that i didn't know he was going to be hired until literally the day he started. (totally true. i got an email by mistake that said i was to be working for this new guy, like 2 days before he was going to start). anyhow, he got a bit fussy saying when he started his interview process 14 months ago, he was told he would have an executive assistant in place who knew exactly everything that was going on. he was not pleased when i told him that i was hired 5 months ago to be my other bosses assistant and i only learned that i would be his assistant when he started 2 weeks ago. i swear to god he thought i was making that up.

it's been a nightmare ever since he started and i'm really not looking forward to tomorrow. sure, it will be good to get everything out in the open and have my roll defined and all, but still. IT SUCKS HAVING 4 BOSSES!!!

*lines from the greatest movie ever.

oh, and my blog looks just swell here on my mac, so maybe it's just older pc's that don't want to play nice. who knows.

i am so fucking pissed right now. i just had a meeting with my asshat new boss and he now wants me to compile a list of everything he has had his fucking fingers in for the past two weeks since he started. are you kidding me? he said since he has handed everything over to me, i should know what he has been doing. god damnit, i want to quit.

hmmm...so i don't like how blog looks here from my office. it's all wonky and skinny. yesterday when i changed everything around it was pretty, like this (the one on the right). now everything is all smooshed together. does it look like that on your screen, too? sigh. maybe it's just the slow windows 2003 version i'm on here at work...

i did not sleep well at all last night so now i'm beat. and i just had lunch, so that makes me all the more ready for a nap.

recently my work hired another level of management for my department. so now i have 4 boses. yep, 4. it is utterly ridiculous. and now, this new boss dumps EVERYTHING he can on me, which is making me overwhelmed beyond belief. i was so ready to walk off the job last week, it's gotten that bad. i.hate.where.i.work.

home is okay, for now. i finally managed to talk hubby into going to spring training again this year. he is against spending any money, but i am so fed up with everything that i told him we had to get away. besides, the baby will be due right at our 5 year anniversary, so we obviously won't be doing anything for that. i think that helped convince him. i booked the trip last night on my secret credit card because, god forbid, he have to pay for the trip. all he ever does is talk about how he brings home the paycheck. like all i do is sit around on my ass all day, not making any money at my job. almost my whole paycheck goes into savings each time! he's such a freak about money. i mean, we got into an argument about me ordering breakfast while we were in tahoe because taxes are due soon. are you kidding me? so obviously i ordered breakfast, but he takes this WAY too far. yes, it's good to save. but life is not all about money. he's already set up a college fund for the baby. i'm only 13 weeks pregnant, for god's sake!!

only 3 more hours until i can go home and nap. and i'm not doing the dishes or the laundry first, either! humph.

with so many changes happening around me and to me, i thought it was time to change my blog once again. :) while the other template was nice, i was tired of it and wanted something fresh and new. it is a beautiful springlike day outside so i'm out!!!

have a great weekend!!

so i opted not to go to the meeting tonight because i don't want to be social and honestly don't think i will stay awake the whole time. that being said, i still need to find a speaker for the meeting on friday night. so i called a gal that i know. well she just spoke at a meeting last night and thought that friday might be too soon. okay, i can understand that. the community is small here so many of the same people go to the same meetings. but, she said she would speak at my meeting in two weeks, so that was kind of her. and i told her i would speak at the meeting she secretaries tomorrow night. she then gave me the name of another gal we both know and said she would be a good one to ask to speak. well, i just called this other gal and she said no to speaking on friday because she spoke at that meeting A YEAR AGO. wtf is that?! i totally get the other gal who spoke yesterday, but are you fucking kidding me that you don't want to speak because you spoke a year ago? you know, this gal is one of the very first people who approached me at my very first meeting and said i could call her and so on. and every time i tried, she had some lame excuse about why she couldn't talk to me, so i dropped her. she was a loser from the start and clearly hasn't changed in the 2 1/2 years i've known her. the lamest part is that since i started the secretary position (the first week of january) she tells me every week that if i ever need help finding someone to speak, she knows a lot of people. i'm over it. i called the first gal back and she was very helpful in suggesting people who i could call for friday. but i think i'll ask my father in law. i'm tired and i'm ready to go to bed.

updates.

* my nausea is pretty much gone. i am a little over 12 weeks, so thank god. yesterday i had my second doctor's appointment where i got to hear peanut's heart beat for the first time. it was pretty wild. it still hasn't really hit me that i'm pregnant, though.

* the wedding in tahoe was an adventure, to be sure. we left early last friday and got to our destination in 3 hours. our hotel was real nice and after lunch we took a nice long nap as snow fell outside. we met up with friends for a cocktail and desert reception later that evening. saturday we hung out in the hotel as it was nasty outside. we were picked up at 2:30p by shuttle and taken to the ceremony location. it was snowing like crazy and we were so glad not to be driving. and wearing heels in the snow is something that i hope never to have to do again! from the ceremony we were whisked away to the reception at a golf course. (sidenote...who plans a wedding during february in tahoe!?) the reception was nice and it was great to see all of our friends. the weather overnight was awful and we were afraid we were going to be snowed in. we were for a while, but did manage to leave town around noon on sunday. 80 miles of the highway out of town were closed due to the high levels of snow that had fallen the night before and it ended up taking us 5 hours to get home. not bad, considering it was a sunday in the middle of ski season. but, we figure it was due to everyone staying in to watch the superbowl. thank god for that!

* my parents arrived sometime over the weekend. we met up with them for dinner on monday night at the place i work. my dad made his typical stupid comments throughout dinner to our waiter. and he grossly undertipped.

* i have decided not to attend the shower my my mother is throwing for our whisky tango friend. i know it will be too much for me to go down there and besides, i'll be going to the wedding a month later.

* i finally had to lay the smack down with hubby yesterday morning. he can be really condecending and rude and i finally had enough. he can be quite relentless in his asshat ways and i told him i wouldn't talk to him anymore until he was nice to me. he loves to tell me what a bad driver i am because i a) got a speeding ticket 5 years ago, b) got into 2 minor fender benders when i was still drinking over 2 years ago and c) got into that accident in november. he also likes to tell me i'm fat. and not because i'm pregnant, either. he just thinks i'm fat. um..seriously? i am five feet tall and weigh 105 lbs and have for a while now. he tells me i'm the laziness person he knows. gee, sorry i like to take naps and not run around like crazy at all times. it's called relaxing. it's what i do after a busy work day/week. he tells me i'm using pregnancy as an excuse to not do housework. are you kidding me? we have a housekeeper who comes every friday and we have minimal upkeep during the week. what he is really complaing about is that my head has been in the toilet or i have been curled up in the fetal position instead of doing the dishes or the laundry. i could go on, but i won't. he did apologize for being an asshat, but i'm still not convinced he will act any nicer any time soon.

* i have to get a speaker for the friday night aa meeting i secretary and i really don't want to have to talk to anyone. this means i will probably have to go to the meeting tonight, which is late and i won't get home until 9:30, which has been past my bedtime these days. aa to me has become way more social than anything else. hubby is an aa natzi and i just can't relate. to me, it's a good place to socialize with others who have a drinking problem. i just don't buy into everything else. it's not my way of life.

* i have a new boss who thinks that i'm sensitive to the ways a certain nasty woman at work treats me and everyone around her because i'm pregnant. obviously he has had a bit too much of the work kool-aid. she is a nasty back stabbing bitch and it's not because i'm pregnant that i think that. i have always thought that.

* i really, really, really want to go back on my anti-anxiety meds. but, i have weighted the pros and cons and will wait until after i give birth to do so. when i told my father that i wanted to back on them because i am really irritable and get fussy way fast now, he said "well, you've always been that way." um, no shit. that's why those meds helped me. i wasn't like that when i was on them. meds can help you for legitimate reasons. i'm not taking them to be cool or because i haven't already exhaused the other options.

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