not much to say

i just haven't been in much of a writing mood lately, but figured i should write anyway, lest the cobwebs take over the creative part of my brain. or what's left of it.

work has been trying as of late. but, as a colleague pointed out the other day, it is still way better than my previous position here. i had a big run in with fng on tuesday and it was the last straw. i was so over the old cow by the time i was done with her that i cancelled my appointments for the rest of the day and went home. luckily, i had the next two days off so i was able to get some much needed rest.

on wednesday i went to bed around 11 pm and didn't wake up until noon on thursday. that was awesome. flowergirl came over on wednesday and we had coffee and chatted for a good long while and that was great as well.

c and i have been catching up on episodes of the office on dvd, which is hands down the best show on tv. i love it. run out and rent the dvd if you haven't seen it yet. now.

well, guess that didn't clear the cobwebs out much...i'll try to write more later.

tough poop

i'm a little punk today...heh heh heh. as usual, i had a hard time getting up for work this morning so i had to rush around a bit. well, as i went into our home office, where atty's litterbox is, i noticed that he pooped a huge pile next to the box as he is pretty much out of litter in the box.

well, i didn't get mad at him as he's out of litter, but, i just left it all there for c to clean up. since he pooped in the middle of the night sometime, the poop is hard, so it won't be that hard to clean up. but, since c never ever cleans the litter box or does anything besides play with the cat, i figure it's time that he learns to take care of the little guy. sure, he'll be pissed, but so what. i'm always the one that cleans up. besides, he's not doing anything today, well, besides hunting, and i have to work all day.

yes, i am happy with myself for my behavior this morning. heh.

today is one year of being sober. holy cow. i cannot belive i haven't had a drink in a whole friggen year. unbelievable. seriously. this past year has been full of change; some good some not so good.

one of the not so good is that my car insurance recently got renewed. normally, i have a good driver discount and my monthly bill is around $60. well, due to my last year of drinking, my monthy bill is now about $150. holy crap. yep. i did a lot of drinking and driving and and a few small fender benders. i lost to a pole, a parked car and sideswiped another car. luckily, only the pole and my car were hurt. and now my pocket book will be hurt with the new premium, but that's the price i have to pay. thank god i never got a dui, although i surely deserved to get more than one. i also got a speeding ticket last year that i never went to traffic school for, but that had nothing to do with drinking, just being stupidly lazy. now i have 3 points on my driving record. i have never had a point before!!

i just got a call from one of my friends that i made in aa congratulating me on my sobriety birthday. it felt so good to recieve his call. it meant a lot to me that he remembered and thought to call me.

one of my girlfriends is coming over in a little bit and we're going to hang out for the day. i haven't seen her in a couple of months so it'll be great to hang out. i've know this girlfriend since college and am so glad that we've kept in touch for so long. luckily, she doesn't live too far away, either. but, since she'll be here in about 45 minutes, i better get out of my sleeper clothes and put my contacts in. :)

i went to the gym with another girlfriend yesterday afternoon and instead of doing cardio in the gym, we walked around the path at the park just outside the gym for about an hour. it was so great. we had a really great talk and my ass hurts from all the walking.

on tuesday flowergirl gave me two gorgeous arrangements for my birthday. normally i get two arrangements a week for my house, but this week she wouldn't let me pay since it was my birthday on sunday. she also gave me a great tea brewing mug (the loose tea goes right in the mug and the tea gets brewed without any of the loose leaf getting in the actual water), some tasty orange blossom tea and a book about the origins of tea. it was so sweet of her.

i have to say, i am really lucky to have my girlfriends.

work has been good, but a bit stressful lately. i worked seven days in a row and was exhaused by the time i got home from work on tuesday. mentally exhaused, that is. i'm so glad i had yesterday and today off. normally i only work five days in a row but for some reason this week was different. plus, i had worked several night shifts, so i was all thrown off. but, i really need the mula, so it'll all work out in the end.

today is the first day of fall, my most favorite season. i am so glad to live somewhere where the leaves change colors. growning up in LA, all we had was spring and summer. here, we have all four seasons and it's simply wonderful. the weather hasn't really changed much yet though, so it's still warm outside. it should be around 80 today.

oh, and i have an update on my tree situation: the part of the tree that faces the road has been totally clipped. no longer do the branches hang over our fence and we've lost quite a bit of privacy, but, at least the tree is still standing and none of the branches on our side of the fence were touched, so i guess it could be worse. i'm still irritated, though. c's friend now claims he had nothing to do with the trimming. wtf? whatever, asshole. you're still on my list!!!

c gave me an awesome digital camera for my birthday. i've been playing with it and have only taken pictures of atticus so far. i'm pretty excited, though, as i love to take pictures and i have been using those throw away cameras forever now. i just need to get a computer again so i can actually post the pictures...ah, details.

c and i hung out with some friends on sunday...we had a funny conversation about car radio listening. c loves to listen to sports talk radio and i am often subject to listening to random sporting events. the girl in the other couple loves to listen to showtunes (she's an actress) and so they end up listening to showtunes more than anything else. hmmm....sports talk radio or showtunes. i'd say that's a tie on equally annoying for long bits of time. now, don't get me wrong. i can listen to either, but not for long, extended periods of time, like a 3 hour drive!!

what is love?

where is love?
does it fall from skies above?
is it underneath the willow tree
that i've been dreaming of?


love is such a strange thing. with it, we feel like we are on top of the world. without it, we feel like we are struggling to breath. or maybe that's just how i feel. i have aspects of love from my friends and my family, but then there are other places where there feels like there is no love at all. or at least not the kind of soft, gentle love that i am so desperately looking for. kindess, warmth, thougtfulness...that's love. that's what i'm missing from one in particular. and intimacy? yeah, that word is foreign. i'm beginning to think things like that only happen to people in the books i read or in the movies i watch.

i have great love with my friends and parents. just for my birthday alone, i received 7 phone calls, 3 packages in the mail from friends and went out to two birthday dinners. it was great.

the unexpected phone calls and packages were especially great.

the dinners, however, were not so great.

i picked both places, and the first place had good food but horrible service and i was with a bit of a grump. you would think that c would at least try to be in a nice mood for my b-day dinner, but i guess that would be too much to ask.


the second dinner, the food was excellent, but the people i was with complained about everything ~ the menu, the setting, the sun...they also gave me a birthday card with a mini crown on it that was supposed to stay on the card, yet they insisted that i wear the crown. um...it's not suposed to come off the card. but, i played nice and pulled the crown off the card and tried to attach it to my head with little luck. they called me a poor sport for not wearing the crown during dinner. whatever. it wasn't supposed to come off the card, you freaks! oh, well.

birthday's over and back to work. i'm on day 7 and am really looking forward to having the next two days off. i don't want to do ANYTHING. i'm going to hang out with a girlfriend on thrusday. we're going to get tattoos. well, i'm going to get the one i have on my foot retouched as it has faded a bit. i'm not sure if i'll get anything else, but we'll see when the time comes. she's getting a new one, though.

i wish the day was over so i could go home and take a nap with atticus. :) now that is love!

that's what i started saying out loud to myself at 3 years old. today i am 31 and is still woke up saying that. :)

I stole this from Virginia Belle and had so much fun answering the questions...

***FOOD***

What is your salad dressing of choice?
Italian

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
In-n-Out

What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
It's a toss up between the Tam O' Shanter in LA and the Kenwood Restaurant in Kenwood

On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
20%

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Bread and Cheese

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Pepperoni, Olives, Mushrooms and Onions...mmmm...now i'm hungry!

What is your favorite type of gum?
Spearmint and right now my favorite gum is Ice Breakers Ice Cubes

**TECHNOLOGY**

Number of contacts in your cell phone?
hmmm...around 25

Number of contacts in your email address book?
geesh. I have no idea. I guess around 75

What is your wallpaper on your computer?
Since I broke my computer at home, nothing! But before it was broken, it was a picture of plumeria

What is your screensaver on your computer?
It was a slideshow of photos of friends and family

What kitchen appliance do you use the least?
I pretty much use everything

What is the radio station you listen to the most?
Alice @ 97.3, but mostly I listen to my ipod

**BIOLOGY**

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
The girls. :)

Are you right handed or left handed?
Right

Do you like your smile?

Yes. I have been told several times over the years that it looks like Julia Roberts' smile

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Just teeth

Would you like to have something removed from your body?
Not really

Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?
Depends on how long I'm going to be in there, but there's always a stack on magazines and cataloges on hand in there

Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
I have no idea

When was the last time you had a cavity?
I'm sure I have one now

What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
probably my purse, although it's really not that heavy at all

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
No

**A bunch of stuff-OLOGY**

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No

If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
I like my first name, thank you very much

How do you express your artistic side?
by writing, scrapbooking and making greeting cards

What color do you think you look best in?
olive green

How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
let's hope I never have to find out!

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
Ha.

If we werent bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
Ok, who is the sick fuck who wrote this survey? No.

Have you ever saved someones life?
I don't think so....unless I was driving and I braked just in the nick of time or something.

Has someone ever saved yours?
Nope, uless someone was doing the above answer

**DARE-OLOGY**

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
I would consider this if it was in a town where I didn't know anyone and if I could wear tennis shoes so I wouldn't hurt my feet

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Damn...you mean I've already done this for free?!?!?

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
No

Would you never blog again for $50,000?
That would suck, but I would do it.

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
If it was Playboy I would

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No

Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
No way

Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
No

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
Oh, for sure!



i'm all thrown off today. i had yesterday and monday off and i keep forgetting what day today is. but, at least it's slow at work today and we're not running around crazy like we were last week.

my 2 days off were delicious. i really didn't do much. i did errands and hung out at home. flowergirl delivered flowers yesterday so i have some pretties in my home. today i was supposed to fire someone, but she didn't come in, again. i play voice mail tag with her constantly and it's getting really old. legally you can't fire someone unless you have their final paycheck in hand, so i can't even fire her over the phone. oh well.

i had another glad that was a real problem child and she quit the other day, with no notice, but we're very glad she's gone. she took the real lame way out ~ she called the hr deptartment when she got home and quit that way. whatever. she was a bad seed. now we are way understaffed but the staff that we do have is so much happier. i know everything will work out just fine.

my mil is driving me nuts, again. she asked me via email the other day where i wanted to go to dinner for my birthday. c also told me that his folks will be out of town for most of next week, so i suggested monday night. fine. i also suggested two places in town that i like and said that either of them work fine and i was flexiable on time. she emailed me back to say that i needed to pick which place. i don't know why i get so frustrated at this...maybe i figure she just needs to make a decision and go with it. but no. that's somehow too difficult. so, i called and made a reservation myself and sent an email out to everyone telling when and where we are going. at least c made reservations by himself for the two of us for sunday night (my actual birthday). still can't believe i'm going to be 31.

happy afternoon

i had the best afternoon yesterday. one of my favorite girlfriends, A came to visit and we had the best time. i had to deal with some personnel issues at work, so she got to my house before i did, but c was being charming and entertaining her. we sat and chatted for a while with c and she loved atticus (of course!). she gave me a birthday present...a bottle of yummy apple/grape sparkling cider and a really pretty watch. it was so thoughtful. we then headed out to coffee and sat and chatted for a really long time. several other friends from town happened to wander into the coffee shop, so that was fun as well. A and i headed into town and wandered around a bit then settled at a tasty resturant (sp?) with front patio seating, so we could people watch. it was great. we were there for a few hours as well. we chatted and chatted and chatted. it was great. now i'm at work and hopefully today will go by fast as i have the next 2 days off!!!

slow times

allrighty. i am sick and tired of being crabby and whinny. i will whine no more! harumph!

it took me oh, 45 minutes to wake up this morning. i hit my alarm 5 times. no bueno. i was 15 minutes late to work today. well, 12, actually, but whose counting...

today is really slow so i am just doing paper work and working on next weeks schedule. i'm working a few closing shifts next week so i will get to sleep in. woo hoo! but one day i will work a close then an open, so that should be interesting.

and next sunday is my birthday. :) yay! not that i have anything planned, but still. birthday's are fun.

i made a latte this morning. i just learned how the other day and it's pretty exciting. i can now make lattes and capacchinos (sp?). tasty!

okay, gotta get some work done...

so this is a bit crazy...c brought home his fancy laptop for me to use, but for some reason, i cannot connect completly to the internet. i cannot access any site that requires me to log in, except for blogger. i cannot access hotmail, my bank, my work email ext. i called my internet provider, but they are convinced it is a problem with microsoft. i know it's not and that's it's just something like a certain security box isn't clicked. anyhow, if any of you know what i need to do, please let me know...thanks!!!

life lessons

fucktard here. so i learned an important lesson yesterday: i should not go off my medication. i know i know. that sounds crazy, but it's true. okay, i'll back track. for a few years now i have been taking anti-anxiety meds to calm me down. i have always been a bit high strung and the meds really helped. well, when i went away to c's family cabin 2 weeks ago, i was about to run out of my meds so i tried to refill them. the pharmacy told me i had no refills left and that they would need to contact my physician. that would not have been a problem had i not been going out of town. needless to say, i ran out while i was gone and hadn't taken one since. well, my actions as of late have proved to me that i was being stupid. after several conversations yesterday with people who care, i went back to the pharmacy and had them refill my prescription (which my physician had signed off on while i was gone). i felt better almost immediately. lesson learned. yes, i can do things to control my temper and my mood, however, i do need additional assistance. i take a pretty small dose, but it greatly effects me when i do not take it. i don't like being crazy. it's amazing how different things are.

on another note, c and i had a big discussion about aa last night. he's pretty fed up with me and my 'white nuckle sobriety' as he puts it. he says that i'm missing the whole point of being sober, that aa is not about just not drinking, it's a whole way of live. living a spiritual life. i don't know. maybe it is. maybe i am totally missing the boat on that one. i just wish he was more supportive of me. just because things work for him doesn't mean the work for me the same way. i don't know, maybe i'll give it another shot.

oh, and my tree has yet to be touched. i don't know if my vibes have been sent to c's evil friend, but he hasn't done anything yet. but, harvest is set to start soon, so i'm sure something will be done soon. i just may take the advise that i have been given from quite a few people and chain myself to the tree. he is just an asshole. the give him the snake eye every time he drives by the house. he can't see me from inside, but i still glare at him, nonetheless.

fucktard

i'm feeling a bit like poo today. yesterday was an absolute nightmare. i was a friggen mess. i don't know what my problem was, but nothing good came of yesterday. for starters, i broke my computer at home. broke is hardly the word, actually. i destroyed it. i threw it several times and completly demolished it. yesterday i was a fucktard. to the fullest extent of the word. i was a disaster. the computer is not repairable whatsoever. i also have been under a great dizzy spell. i didn't eat much in the morning, but snacked all afternoon and evening, so it's not that my stomach is empty. i'm still feeling really off today. really lightheaded. i don't know what's wrong with me and it's driving me crazy. i even went and got a facial yesterday, thinking that might help, but it didn't. i cried throughout the day, something i never do. i was a mess. i don't feel like crying today, so far, which is good. but, the day is young. i have no idea what i problem is. maybe all the anger that i have inside is finally surfasing. no, it won't be good to talk to anyone, no one cares. and it's bullshit to think otherwise. all c tells me to do is go to (aa) meetings, which is the last place i want to be. that program works for a lot of people, but not for me. i am so sick and tired of hearing people complain about their lives. i don't care about their sob stories. i'm glad they have stopped drinking and are in a better place now, but i don't really care. and i know they don't care about me. i have yet to meet someone who genuinely cares. they want me there so they can feel better about themselves and their sobriety. i know i have a problem with drinking, so i don't drink anymore. simple as that. and really, not everything in my life comes down to drinking or not drinking. it really doesn't. i just hate how c's solution to everything is to go to a meeting. god damn those meetings. i hate them. i don't relate to anyone there and rarely feel better after going. people are so superficial there. just because they don't drink anymore, they think they are better than everyone else. whatever. i just hope i don't fall down and pass out today. i feel like poo.

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