fucktard here. so i learned an important lesson yesterday: i should not go off my medication. i know i know. that sounds crazy, but it's true. okay, i'll back track. for a few years now i have been taking anti-anxiety meds to calm me down. i have always been a bit high strung and the meds really helped. well, when i went away to c's family cabin 2 weeks ago, i was about to run out of my meds so i tried to refill them. the pharmacy told me i had no refills left and that they would need to contact my physician. that would not have been a problem had i not been going out of town. needless to say, i ran out while i was gone and hadn't taken one since. well, my actions as of late have proved to me that i was being stupid. after several conversations yesterday with people who care, i went back to the pharmacy and had them refill my prescription (which my physician had signed off on while i was gone). i felt better almost immediately. lesson learned. yes, i can do things to control my temper and my mood, however, i do need additional assistance. i take a pretty small dose, but it greatly effects me when i do not take it. i don't like being crazy. it's amazing how different things are.
on another note, c and i had a big discussion about aa last night. he's pretty fed up with me and my 'white nuckle sobriety' as he puts it. he says that i'm missing the whole point of being sober, that aa is not about just not drinking, it's a whole way of live. living a spiritual life. i don't know. maybe it is. maybe i am totally missing the boat on that one. i just wish he was more supportive of me. just because things work for him doesn't mean the work for me the same way. i don't know, maybe i'll give it another shot.
oh, and my tree has yet to be touched. i don't know if my vibes have been sent to c's evil friend, but he hasn't done anything yet. but, harvest is set to start soon, so i'm sure something will be done soon. i just may take the advise that i have been given from quite a few people and chain myself to the tree. he is just an asshole. the give him the snake eye every time he drives by the house. he can't see me from inside, but i still glare at him, nonetheless.
1 Comment:
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- Sarrah October Young said...
8:54 AMGood for you for figuring out that you actually need your meds. At least now you know and you'll never do that again! As for AA...I think you need to truly sit down and figure out why you are going to the meetings. If they aren't helping you, then why go? Maybe just talking to someone else, like a social worker might be better for you. Spirituality comes in all shapes and forms. It doesn't mean that you have to go to church or anything like that. Perhaps c meant that he'd like to see you do something meaningful, maybe volunteering at a animal shelter? I'm just talking here, but to me that would be way more meaningful and spiritual than sitting around listening to people complain about their crappy lives that they do nothing to correct. Just my opinion. I think you're a strong woman and that you need to be more assertive with what you want.
