1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say? unfortunately, i'm at work, so the only book within my reach is a photo book of local touristy places. page 18 has a photo of the symphony orchestra of the area.

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching? nothing. the closest thing is the office wall, and on it, is nothing, either.

3. What's the last program you watched on TV? the news

4. Without looking, guess what time it is. 7:45 am. nope...it's 7:52 am

5. Except the computer, what can you hear right now? One of the cooks peeling onions.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?A few minutes ago. I wandered around the perimiter of the building at work to check things out.

7. What are you wearing? tan searsucker pants, a red v neck top with matching sweater ~it's very sassy ~ and brown rounded toe heals with a small bow on the side. oh, and i'm wearing my glasses today, and i've already gotten a lisa lobe comment today.

8. Did you dream last night? yes. If you did, what about? some really crazy shit that i never can seem to remember later in the day.

9. When was the last time you laughed? last night at some point.

10. What's on the walls, in the room you're in right now? nothing much. three cork boards with random kitchen stuff and schedules, a wall rack with a bunch of chef jackets and suit coats and a bookshelf of kitchen gadgets.

11. Have you seen anything strange lately? not really, but tomorrow is halloween, so maybe something good will happen.

12. What do you think about this meme? it's all right.

13. What's the last film you saw? we watched Prarie Home Companion last night.

14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money? buy a new car and a house, send my parents on holiday, go on a really great holiday with my girlfriends and never work stupid jobs again.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don't know. i was in a german magazine when i was little.

16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be? force everyone who works, does business, votes and drives in the US to read, write and speak english.

17. Do you like dancing? heck yeah!

18. George Bush? has a smart dad

19. What do you want your children's names to be, girl/boy? i am forever changing my mind on that one

20. Would you ever consider living abroad? most definitly

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven? welcome

22. Who should do this meme? whoever wants to

my cat has the runs. ewwwww. this morning when i got up at the crack of dawn and turned on the light in the office where my closet is, i saw his smelly work of err...art. two works of art, actually. right next to his clean litter box. the very box i had cleaned right before i went to bed last night. grrr. but, being the evil little person that i am, i left his art and got ready for work. i left his mess for c to clean up while i was at work. well, all worked out....or so i thought. when i got home a little bit ago, atticus had crapped again. this time, on the other side of the room. and this time, his splats were like the first two combined. talk about karma getting back to me!

but poor little guy!!! having the splats sucks. no more wet can food for him. he's back on the dry kibble stuff.

but still, SO GROSS. and now, since we live out in the country a bit, we have a bunch of flies in the house. very entertaining for atticus, very annoying for me. luckily the weather is nice out so i can keep the window open so the house doesn't smell anymore.

i am so friggen tired of the place i work. the whole company. the whole kit-n-kaboodle.

i had a big sit down with my boss today to discuss an email i sent him on monday. i told him my grievances and things that i wanted to change. he told me my email was innapropriate and very defensive. innapropriate, no. defensive, yes. he told me that the resturant (i ALWAYS spell that work wrong!) that i work at is know for its 5 star dinner and that the breakfast that i manage is merely an amenity for the guests who stay at the hotel.

wtf!?

i mean, i know dinner is way better than breakfast, but our breakfast is still damn good. and when i refered to the morning crew as the 'red haired step child' he agreed with me. great. just what kind of job i want to have. to feel second best and to have others agree with me. yes, our dinner is awesome. yes, our chef makes GREAT food. and thank god he isn't a pompus fool like my boss, but good lord. give me some friggen credit, damn it.

i have been updating my resume and am going to be putting in my resignation soon. oh, and the straw that broke the camel's back? my colleague is taking 10 days off, then my boss is taking 2 weeks off and when i asked for the 3 days off before thanksgiving because my parent's are coming to visit, i was told no. besides, i am tired of working weekends and getting to work before the sun comes up. oh, and i'm surfing the crimson wave right now, so it's not helping my mood, either.

on another note, i am really looking forward to 'running with scissors' coming out tomorrow. i haven't been to the movies in forever, so i am going to make a great effort to see this one in the thearter. i read the book and really liked it. i really enjoy that kind of dark humor, and i love gweneth paltrow. and annette benning is pretty great, too.

speaking of books, i was at the bookstore in town today and inquired about nora ephron's new book. the lady behind the counter told me i was too young to understand the book!!! that i shouldn't read it until i'm at least 40 because it's over my head. um...the book deals with a woman getting older, going thru menopause, ext. what?! how would that be over my head? i had to walk away from her before i smacked her upside the head. i know i look young, and being petite doesn't help, but damn it, i'm 31. i'm not 19.

and the other day at work this old lady that i work with stopped me while i was talking to my girlfriend to tell me three times just how much weight i have appeared to have lost. i mean, i'm a small girl. when i started a year and a half ago, i weighed a bit more and i have since lost some weight. not a lot, mind you, but i guess enough for people to take notice. but it REALLY bothers me when people feel they have to tell me about it. and they don't do it in a nice, complimentary way, either. to me, it would be just like telling someone who is heavy that they seem to keep gaining weight. it's just not nice.

and the girlfriend i was with at the time is on the heavy side and she totally could understand where i was coming from. it's just uncomfortable when someone feels they know you well enough to comment on things of such a personal nature. the old lady could have just said i am looking nice these days without even commenting on my weight. instead, she had to make us all feel uncomfortable.

my girlfriend here totally reminds me of my other friend at home, which makes hanging out with her that much better. they both are so bubbly and full of life. and kind. and warm. they both make me feel so good about myself. and they both play devil's advocate so well. they have good voices of reason, without coming off as know-it-alls. i'm so glad i have both of them.

i'll leave on a funnyish note...this morning, the chef at work asked me if i made good mochas. i told him i was still working on them, that i wasn't that good. so i made him one. it was SO bad. but he was SO kind about it. i'm still embarassed, though. i really have to work on them.....at least my foam was good!!!

another meme

I'M AMAZED…that i am already 31 and have still yet to find my happiness in life

I DOUBT…that i will find my happiness anytime soon

I CAN’T SEE…dead people. okay, that was way too easy. i can't see very far because i'm near sighted. okay, so that wasn't a very good answer, either. just deal with it.

I WANT TO BEAT WITH A SOCKFULL OF QUARTERS…my boss. he is driving me nuts with his passive aggressive lazy ass behavior.

I'M ADDICTED…to coffee and my cat. and my fluffy bed. and my new fluffy pink bathrobe.

I FEEL BAD…about booking an extra party for dinner at the resturant tonight.

I WATCH…law and order marathons all the time

I LISTEN… to a really random assortment of music; duran duran, metallica, john coltrane, jane's addiction, sara evans. and to the voices in my head.

IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS…i would buy a new car and send my parents away on a holiday

I WANT…to go away somewhere fun for a weekend

I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT… bubble baths, fluffy towels, good coffee, atticus, pretty flowers by my bedside

I'M OBSESSED… with sleeping in big fluffy beds

I THINK CHILDREN…are slowly growing on me

I CAN’T WAIT…for my weekend to start

I'M PROUD...of myself for not drinking anymore.

I HAVE A DREAM…living in france

I ALWAYS WEAR…mascara

I FEAR…not being truly loved

I WISH…upon a star whenever i can

I ONCE ACCIDENTALLY…tripped over my own feet in the middle of the kitchen at work and did a face plant onto the floor. i swear there was a snipper, though...

I NEVER…say never because then it seems inevitable that i am going to do what i have just said i will never do.

I’D KILL TO…never have to be a slave to a job again

I MISS…being an undergraduate

I'M LOATHE TO ADMIT…that i totally look at the caller id on my phone and seldom answer the phone unless it's somoene i really want to talk to.

I’LL NEVER FORGIVE… my cousin for pointing out things in my parent's house that he wants when my parent's die. that is just so wrong. i am still so hurt by our conversation a few years ago.

saddness

life is so short. you never know when your time is up. last night, i found out my girlfriend's mother died. her mother was diagnosed with cancer only about 2 months ago, just after my girlfriend's wedding. things went down hill for her, fast. i'm so sad for my friend and her husband. i sent them flowers as soon as i heard, last night. there is rosary on monday and the service is on tuesday, so we'll be going to both of them. i booked a hotel so we can stay the night without imposing on anyone. it's just so sad. i think her mother was barely50.

for the record, i LOVE having days off. if i never had to go back to work, i would be a happy camper. maybe i just haven't found my calling yet, but i do know for sure, it's not what i'm doing now! maybe my opinion would change if i didn't have to get to work at 5 am or work on weekends and holidays. because, really, that is not working for me, at all. i'm not looking forward to the fact that i have to work on thanksgiving, especially since my parents are coming to visit. maybe i'll have a new job by then, though.

on a totally unrelated note, i decided to turn the heater on this morning at home. because i live in a little country home, we do not have a normal heating system. we have a single, double sided wall unit that is powered by propane. when i turned it on this morning, it set the smoke alarm off due to all the dust that had settled during the off season. i have opened up most of the windows to air out the house, while keeping the heater on. ah, living in the country.

along with the heater, i have also started going thru my clothes, shoes and books to weed out what i don't use anymore. since our house is so little, we don't have much storage space so i need to get rid of some stuff. in fact, we only have two tiny closets, one in each bedroom. last night i counted just how many pairs of shoes i have. it's quite a lot...67 pairs. holy crap! last night i filled three shopping bags to store in my garage and kept the remainder in my mini closet. i have a storage closet in the garage ~ a heavy duty cloth thing we got from costco, which helps keep the country varmints out ~ and now it's filled to capacity.

shopping problem? naw...not me!!!

i'm listening to a news show right now and the new trend for kids/teens is to take codine laced cough syrup (perscription cough syrup) and mix it with sprite or a sports drink for a high. ewww. gross. oh, and they add jolly rancher candies to the mix to make it taste better, too. wtf? it's called the purple drank, the lean or sissor. so weird. i just don't get stuff like that. what's wrong with just straight booze!?!

holy crap. the weather report says it's going to be 40 degrees overnight. brrr. good thing i put the feathers on the bed already and that i have a furry kitty who likes to sleep under the covers between c and me.

i just got back from the post office. my packages are mailed. one to kansas and one to germany. :) i added some treats, too. i hope my friends like what i sent and everything gets to their destinations in one piece.

my house smells sooo friggen good right now with the roast. i rock.

how do you like them apples!!!

so i was able to get my old, old, old mac to connect to the internet. i'm running on internet explorer 5. way outdated. most of the web pages don't load properly, unless they are really old, like hotmail. but, at least i can post here. i may have to go back and edit this once i can see it on a normal computer...

i went to the grocery store earlier today and i decided to get a bit domestic and buy more than just snacky, easy to fix foods...i have a roast in the slow cooker right now and the house smells great.

i also got new car insurance today. since my insurance had recently gone up tremendously ~ due to my drinking days ~ i had to switch to something more affordable. i have 3 points on my record. crap. and they take 3 years to come off. so, two of them will come off in december of '07 and the other one not until april of '08. 3 good reasons not to drink ever again. luckily, i didn't get a dui, even though i should have.

guess someone is looking out for me...

okay, okay. i know it's been a really long time since i have posted. i am still alive, and still doing okay. i just have been so busy, and without a computer at home, it has been a bit difficult to post. that, and i have been exhausted.

for several days now, i have had to be at work at 5 am, which is so god awful early for me. and, the days that i have had off over the past two weeks have been so insanley busy, i haven't even had time to check my email. work has been keeping me on my toes and i don't have much time online there either, as i'm not awake enough at 5 am to post anything but mush, and by the time i do have access to a computer, there are always people in the office, so i can't post. whew.

but thank you, wushi, for checking on me and reminding me to post. :)

i have today and tomorrow off and am free to do whatever i please. i don't remember the last time i had absolutely no plans on my days off. i can actually pick up clothes i took to get altered almost 3 weeks ago and go to the grocery store, which i have been putting off for ages. i also need to get a few packages in the mail. i slept in until 6:30 am, and deciding that was way too early, i went back to sleep until 8:30 am.

c made bad coffee ~ he makes it really, really, strong ~ so i could only drink a little of it. i'm going to hit starbucks in a bit. yay.

i'm at the library right now and just remembered that i have an overdue book at home. grr. i haven't even read it yet!

we went out to dinner last night with c's parents and granny as it was his mom's bday. the food was absolutely fantastic. i was so impressed, as was everyone else. but, the totally embaressing part was when the bill came. see, we went to the place that i work at and we totally got the hook up. it was great. it was awesome. when it was all said and done, the bill was tiny. so much was comped. it was great...but...my father in law gave a totally tiny tip. it was SO embarrassing. he based the tip on the amount of the adjusted check, rather than what the check should have been. i know he didn't do it on purpose, but still. when i go back to work on friday, i'm going to adjust the tip. i'm so glad i caught it, though. eeek! i'm still embarressed. hopefullly my server realizes that i didn't pay the bill...





perception sucks

today was a rather annoying day. i got in trouble for a lame reason. a boss from another department walked into my department and decided i wasn't where i was supposed to be and took it upon himself to complain about me to my boss as well as to one of my friends ~ yes, one of my friends. my friend does happen to work directly for this other boss and the boss commented to my friend that i seem to be visiting frequently, which is so not true, and thankfully my friend stood up for me and said as much ~ and annoyingly enough, i was actually doing work when he saw me where he thought i shouldn't be.

i just hate it when people micromanage situations, especially situations in which they are not in charge of. this particular man is just a bitterman. i have never seen him smile in the year and a half i have been working there. and my current boss has been grumpy for the past few days which has not been helping things either. he didn't even stand up for me today when the other boss complained about me, and that's so not okay. he told me it was the other guy's perception. fuck perception. that is the lamest excuse out there!

i swear, i have been thrown under the bus at this place more than at any other place i have ever worked. i just don't get it. i do nothing to these people. i stand up for myself here more than i have anywhere else, too, and that just seems to get me nowhere either. grrrrr!

so, i left work with a huge headache and went to get a massage. i called this little place in town and as luck would have it, they were able to get me in about 30 minutes after i left work, which was perfect. i even fell asleep during my massage. it was great.

my cher at work has been so distant lately. i know i was distant to him for a short while and i hope he's not trying to get back at me. i know it's really busy right now for him, but he seems distracted. he's still really friendly when i'm around, but i sometimes get that feeling that something else is going on in his head. i hate that his boss thinks i visit too much. now i won't go there at all. i don't want to get either of us into trouble, plus there is another guy in his area that whenever he sees me, thinks he has to come over and talk to me and i'm so not interested in engaging with him. it sucks because i really like two of the other people my cher works with and i would usually go up and say hello and to see what time they would be taking their break, but now i will not do that. i guess the good part is i won't see the other guy as much. a few months ago i went out with my cher after work, just to an outdoor cafe in town, but it was so nice. i wish we could go again.

i can't find the litter box scooper so i can't change the box. it's stinky. atticus had the run and it splattered on the side of the box. and he threw up on the floor a little, but that i cleaned up. i wonder where c put the scoop. he's out of town so i can't ask him 'cause he's probablly in bed already.

speaking of which, i'm going to go to bed and read for a while.

perhaps tonight i'll dream that i'm in the french countryside. that would be nice.

yesterday when i got home from work i needed some quiet time, so i took a long, luxurious bubble bath. i sat in there for close to an hour, and it was decadent. i used fancy shampoo and conditioner, did the works on my face ~ cleanser, scrub, mask ~ the shaved my legs, under my arms, used a sugar scrub all over, then soaked some more.

when i got out, i did more decadent treatment to my face with all sorts of potions, then, decided it was time to give myself a bikini wax.

that's when things turned from decadent to disasterous.

i had bought a home waxing kit from bliss and followed the directions and was pretty proud of myself for being so brave. until i pulled off the first strip. holy crap it hurt! so, needless to say, i only peeled off a small portion of unsightly hair from my neather regions. in two small spots.


i spent the rest of the evening whimpering in pain from my tramatic experience. so much for being brave.

i guess i will have to live with other people giving me pain rather than giving myself the pain, because there's no way i'm going to try that again or go without a bikini wax for much longer.
ah, beauty is pain.

my two days off were a blur. on wednesday i went to the east bay to get my hair done. i love it. but, i was on the road for a while so i was a bit drained when i got home. that evening i made an awesome dinner ~ spaghetti and homemade meat sauce ~ and we went to a meeting.

yesterday i got up early, well not that early, but still, it was my day off so it was early. i went with c to the class he teaches at the university in the valley. it was so cool to see him teach. i even learned some things. after class and office hours were over, we went to the east bay and bought his beloved 1984 toyota land cruiser. it really is a fun car. and we paid cash for it, so that's even better. we totally drained our savings, but at least we don't have to make car payments. but now we're a 3 car family. luckily, all of the cars are paid for. my saturn keeps going, and going, and going. one day i hope to upgrade. i'd really like an audi. c has a trail blazer, which i think will become mine pretty soon. it's a pretty sweet ride, but i'm much more of a car person than an suv person. we'll see. maybe i can talk him into trading in one of the cars...

we went to dinner last night to celebrate the purchase of the car. he is so friggen excited. i'm glad for him, though.

work has been annoying today. there is such a lack of communication here that it drives me nuts. no one is accountable for what they do and i hate that more than anything. i totally admit when i am wrong and always try to make things right. people here just love to assume things and are ready to point the finger whenever something goes wrong. so many people i work with are in a perpetual state of grumpiness that it just brings the rest of us down. i try to ignore those folks, but it's not always that easy. but, at least i don't work with the majority of them anymore!!!

i forgot my name tag today and one of my many bosses noticed right off the bat. luckily, i have a friend who works here with the same first name and borrowed a name tag from her. since i'm in a management position (and luckily so is she) i also have my last name on my name tag, but i get to be her today. heh heh heh.

while i was in c's class yesterday and wanted to be back in college myself, i pulled out my ipod and listened to music from my college days. one of my favorite songs, closing time, has such a great line "every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end". i don't think i ever really paid attention to that lyric before, but that makes so much sense. i was in such a state yesterday with all my nostalgia. life was so simple when i was back in college. my big concerns were if i was going to make it to class on time and if the cute boy that i liked would notice me. i guess now i could adjust that a bit to worrying if i make it to work on time and if the cute boy at work will notice me ~ i haven't heard from my chere today, so no, he hasn't noticed me ~ but, unfortunately, those are far from my only worries now. but that's not to say that i'm only worried about things. i just mean that life is so much more complex than it was in my early twenties when i was more carefree and didn't have any real concerns in life.

ah, well, that's what memories are for.

so random

i so don't understand my computer. i have this sweet ass computer at home ~ c got it for business school and hasn't used it since he graduated last year so it's mine now ~ and i still can't access any website that i have to log into, save this one. i have no idea what security setting i'm missing. if any of you have any wisdom, please send it my way. the i-t guy at work laughed at me yesterday when i told him i had been going to the public library to get internet access. i do feel silly having to go there when i have access at home, but it's limited, damn it!!! oh well. at least i've checked out a few books and saved some money at the book store. but, the library is so friggen small, they hardly have anything good in stock.

so today is my friday and i'm very happy about that. i got to work late and left early. i have to be there at 6 am, but i do nothing until we open at 7 am, so i have taken it upon myself to show up around 6:45 am instead. well, yesterday and today at least. today i left early because i had nothing left to do and wasn't just going to sit around doing nothing. i could have attended the sales meeting at 4:30 pm, but since i was done with everything on my to-do list by 1:30 pm, there was no way i was just going to hang out until then.

i'm sort of frustrated with my new boss since it appears that he just likes to delagate and not really do anything himself. but, he is really nice and kind, so that helps a lot. he just like to have me and the other supervisor do pretty much all his work. this week the other supervisor is off three days and i had said i would work a double to cover one of ther days, if he needed me. well, today as i was leaving, he asked if i wanted to work the additional day and i asked him if he needed me to. he said he didn't, but if i did want to, then he would be able to sleep in. wtf? i'm not working just so he could sleep in! he tried to make me feel bad since he would have to work two days in a row open to close (the other supervisor and i are both off tomorrow and thursday) but his guilt didn't work on me. i grew up catholic, for god's sake. i can take the guilt! it just totally bothered me that he would have me work just so his lazy ass could sleep in, so i said no. and then made fun of him for even asking me to come in so he could sleep in. he just had the last two days off. i have no sympathy for him working 2 days in a row open to close.

c is in the city tonight at an mba forum for his grad school, so i have the house to myself tonight. it's really nice. i took a great nap when i got home from work and made a nice pot of coffee around 5 this evening. i worked on some greeting cards and chatted with one of my girlfriends and with my parents. atticus has been snuggling with me and has been keeping me warm.

flowergirl brought me really pretty flowers today and since the ones from last week are still lasting, i have an abundance of flowers in my house and i LOVE it! she is so great...and right now she's so understanding with my finances that she's giving me a great deal until i get more on my feet. she is the sweetest thing ever!

tomorrow i'm going to get my hair done and i'm looking pretty forward to that. i haven't gotten my color touched up in a few months and the highlights have grown out quite a bit. i've also rescheduled a few times due to my finances, so i'm really in the need for some fixing up. luckily, the gal that does my hair is also my friend and she only charges me for the cost of her product, so i get a great deal there as well. and since my appointment isn't until 1 pm tomorrow, i get to sleep in nice and long. well, hopefully i will. if c doesn't wake me up early!

thursday i'm going with c to the university he teaches at. this is his second term teaching and he started up again last week. the class he teaches is on tuesday and thursday and he really enjoys it. it's a great break for him from his other job. i just called a girlfriend who lives in the town to see if she's free to meet me for coffee or lunch while he's teaching since i won't be going to class with him. if she can't, i will wander around the darling town and try not to spend any money at the little shops.

after his class and office hours are over, we're heading to the east bay to check out a car that he wants to buy. he wants to buy a 1986 toyota land cruiser. since he will only be at his current job until the end of the year, the company car he has will only be ours until the end of the year as well, so we need a new car pronto. i guess he has always wanted an old land cruiser and has his heart set on this one. so, we're going to check it out, take it to a certified aaa mechanic and see what we will do from there. the car is going for around $4k, so it's a pretty good deal. we'll see what happens.



nothing much

i woke up with the start of a cold this morning. i hate that. my nose is stuffy and my throat is scratchy. this sucks. and i have to work late today because we're doing inventory. blah. but, last night i put the feather duvet back on the bed and it was so cozy. c had done laundry while i was at work so the sheets were nice and clean. i got into bed at 7:15 pm last night. i read for a few hours, but was asleep by 9:30 pm. it was great. but i still didn't want to get up this morning. i got into work late again today, but have decided that i don't need to be here at 6 am so i'm coming in closer to 6:45 am. as long as i'm here and have a staff briefing before we open at 7 am, things are fine.

lestat has gotten back in touch with me. evidently he's gotten a job out of state and will be moving before the year is up. he has been talking about this job for over a year now so i'm glad i won't have to hear about him getting close to getting the job anymore. he wants to see me before he leaves, and i'm not sure how i feel about that. the last time i saw him was several months ago for lunch, and i couldn't wait for lunch to be over. so much has changed since he and i used to hang out. we were really close for a good two years, but then he went sideways. he is one of those people who, when given a little bit of power, lets it all go to their head.

my cat has taken to pooing on the floor. i don't know what on earth he is mad about. he pooed yesterday and the day before on the floor, next to his litter box. his box has more than enough litter and is clean. but, he's doing this when c is at home by himself so he has to clean it up. heh heh heh. it's about time c does more than just play with the cat.

i really don't want to work today. maybe i'll go wander and see if my cher is here yet...

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