i have a cold.

and feel like poo. thanks to hubby. he came down with something nasty this weekend and has so kindly shared it with me. wasn't that nice of him? saturday he woke up a mess and spent the day on the couch in a ball of snot and blankets. i tried to keep him comfortable while trying to stay out of the way of his germs. obviously that didn't work so well for me as this afternoon i had a scratchy throat and a stuffy nose. so, waa.

i did have a nice day saturday, though. i slept in and lounged around for a few hours. i got a massage in the afternoon and hung out with a girlfriend in the evening. we were going to go to a comedy show, but due to some unfortunate events, we didn't make it. but, we did have a great time at dinner. we went to a cool wine bar and had some delicious tapas. my favorite was the fois gras poppers. oh. my. gawd they were good. so good, in fact, that we had two orders of them.

since hubby was sick, he spent the night on the couch. i heard him coughing most of the night. but, finn kept him company, which i know he appreciated. atty slept with me, of course. but, since hubby was sick, he reverted back to a cranky 5 year old. which is always fun. like when i got home at 11 saturday night, he was convinced that i had hidden the cold medicine from him because i wanted him to suffer. um. no. i had just put it away. where it was supposed to go. in the medicine cabinet.

today i bought him a litany of medicine but my best purchase by far was a vicks humidifier. that sucker works great! hubby has been set up. he's doing better today, though, which is good. but now i'm feeling crummy, which is not good. and because of my wonderful allergy to acetaminophen, which is in practically everything, there is hardly anything i can take. so, right now alka seltzer flu is about it for me. i took some earlier and it helped. hopefully the dose i'm about to take will get me through the night.

i did meet up with another girlfriend this morning for brunch which was sooo good. the eggs benedict were soo tasty. i reorganized my mini closet which really helped. i managed to get rid of a huge bag of clothes which made a huge difference in the room i now have. now if only i could get a handle on my shoes....

so not only is my computer at work slower than molasses, i can't download a single thing. i can't IM anymore ~ which is sad and when i logged on this evening, three of my girlfriends had sent me messages saying how much they missed me. awww! i'm not even able to change my desktop or have the time displayed on the screen. geesh. i guess they really want us to be productive.

but, it makes me miss my mac at home that much more. especially since the pc crashed on me oh, about 4 times today. oh, and i'm also blocked from using the control/alt/delete function. are you kidding me?! oh well. good thing i've already made friends with the i-t guy. but, i'll also be getting a snazzy new blackberry come monday, so maybe i'll use that more than the actual computer.


i'm am really looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. today is the first day i didn't feel totally exhausted at work. tomorrow i have a massage in the afternoon (a gift from hubby for my birthday) and i'm going to a comedy show with a girlfriend in the evening (her gift to me for my birthday). i think i may have brunch with another girlfriend on sunday, so that will be fun, too.

and of course, i have tons of laundry and regular house cleaning to do. *sigh* BUT i am employed again. and that makes me very happy.

day 5

so here i am on day 5 of my spiffy new job. i really heart this place so far. i do have to say though, that the part i really don't like is that i am working on a super old pc. i mean, this computer is ancient. and sooo slow. i type so much faster than the keyboard can keep up with. i am always 2 sentences ahead of what appeasrs on the screen, so i always have to stop and wait for it to catch up with me to see if i have made any mistakes. tres annoying.

but other than that, i love it here. it's so beautiful and serene. and everyone is so nice. and the commute? not bad at all. i'll have to post some photos i took on my way to work on monday. over the valley, when the weather is nice, the sky is filled with hot air balloons. it's so cool. i usually count at least 10 every morning.

i'm finally getting used to having a regular schedule again and let me tell you ~ it is so friggen nice. i feel like i have purpose again. really, i do. i did have a tough time this week with the whole not being able to sleep in anymore, though. heh heh. i now get up at 6 am, so that has been a bit challenging as i can't stay up as late anymore. plus, trying to learn everything here and walk around so much (this property is 225 acres) has really made me tired at nite. hell, in the middle of the day! thank god there is always coffee around for me!

earlier this week i was certified to drive a golf cart. that made me laugh as at my last job i got to drove formula 1 race cars. i guess that's how it goes, though. :-)

well, i'm off to my first meeting of the morning but i'll post more later.

oh, how i miss my mac!!


it feels good to be back working again. i was seriously starting to go stir crazy! today was my first day at the job. i even tried to take a photo of my smart outfit this morning, but couldn't figure out how to turn off my flash. anyhow, i'll work on that. here's what i wore: banana republic tan and white seersucker pants, ann taylor short sleeved white button up shirt, jcrew cashmere 3/4 length brown cardigan sweater and clarks tan and brown flats. i carried my new kate spade purse. in my ears were medium pearl earrings and i had on my pixie necklace ~ a tiny coral piece on a thin sterling chain.

anyhow, today was a day full of orientation. in fact, all week will be orientation. the property that i am working at is beautiful. the people are all so nice. i think i will get along there very well.

it feels good to have worked all day and be beat at the end of the day. i know i will be beat for most of this week as i haven't had a constant flow of activity for a while now. my hours are great, too. i work from 8 am to 4:30 pm with a 30 minute lunch. there's a tasty cafeteria on the property that we can eat at for free, which is far better than the last time i worked somewhere with a free lunch. this place doesn't even take anything out of my paycheck like the other place did.

i know i'll have better updates as the week goes by, but i just wanted to give you all a little somethin.

thanks to everyone that wished me well last week for my anniversary, my birthday and for the start of my new job! you sure know how to make this girl smile!

two years.

wow. so today i have been sober for 2 years. i honestly can't believe it. i mean, really. 2 whole years without so much as a drop of liquor. seriously. that's crazy. but it's true. i can't even begin to explain how different my life is now. how different it is to wake up, feeling good. without a hangover. remembering exactly everything from the night before. my car is where i remember parking it. my clothes are not strewn haphazardly across the room. i don't have friends calling me telling me that they can't believe what i did and i don't ask them to remind me of the details. i didn't do anything that i regret.

i didn't start out as an alcoholic. i was pretty normal, whatever normal is. i didn't really start drinking until college. sure, i had sips here an there before, but it was never something that was a big deal to me. but i won't go in to all of that. i just know that i am so glad to be sober.

i am also so thankful for the wonderful people in my life. i didn't loose a single friend to drinking. what i mean is, my friends have been so supportive and wonderful. no one turned their back on me. no one thought i was strange for not drinking. i can't ask for better friends. they have stuck by me and have been so great. only one person has changed how they act towards me and that's my mil. but this isn't about her. if she can't deal with me not drinking, then that's her problem. it's sad, but that's how it is.

i go to aa, but my strength doesn't come from that. sure, it has helped me tremendously, but i honestly don't buy into everything they proclaim. maybe i haven't seen their light. i don't know. i know aa works, but it is so much more than that for me. for me it comes from an inner strength. i have a really, really hard time with the whole god thing. i grew up catholic, and have studied religion so i have a pretty extensive knowledge of god. but, i'm not convinced. call me skeptical. now, don't get me wrong. i'm not a heathen. i am spiritual. i believe that there are many higher powers, not just one. i believe in free will. but i won't go into all of that. the bottom line is that i believe there is so much more than just one definition of god and that i make decisions in my life. i really have a hard time when people say 'it's all in god's plan'. what about your plan? what about what you decide? sure, i believe things happen for a reason, but you make your own reality. you have choices on a daily basis. and my choice is not to drink.

i also have to say if it weren't for hubby, i would still be a drunken mess. he put up with me for a horrible 2 years of daily drinking. he finally had enough and took me to my first aa meeting after a horrendous night of drinking. my last drunk was definitely a bad drunk. i won't go into all the details, but suffice it to say, i was a mess.

if it weren't for hubby and his inner strength, i would surely have been drunk again. he has such a strong program and such a strong will. there have been so many times that i have craved a drink. just wanted to get drunk. just didn't care. but i knew i wouldn't be able to hide it from him. so i didn't take that drink. i didn't want him to be disappointed in me again. like all those times i was drunk those first 2 years of our marriage. every fricken day.

i can't believe how far i have come. now when i get squirley, i drink coffee. i eat chocolate. i play with my cats. i drink sparkling water with lime. that may sound silly, but it works.

i told a girlfriend yesterday that i was an alcoholic. i was nervous because i didn't know what she would think. she embraced me with open arms and told me how proud of me she was. it was so heart warming. we were at lunch when i told her and we went for a coffee after lunch. she treated me to a whole pound of coffee of which i'm drinking a cup right now. it was just so kind. i mean, really. it just warms me thinking about it. when i checked my email this morning, she had sent me a sweet note saying how proud of me she was. i had an ecard from another friend and a text from yet another. it just feels really good.

so thank you to you all. for loving me, supporting me and for just being my friend.

since i'm such a fan of music, i decided to do a list of my favorite concerts ~ in no particular order. i'll do my best to remember the years...boy this takes me back! oh, and the rain cloud in the header is in honor of our first rain of the season, not because i'm feeling grey.

1. oingo boingo ~ 1992 irvine meadows with my cousin. it was their halloween show.

2. no doubt ~ 2002 arco arena with jacarandabush

3. blink-182 ~ 2001 shoreline amphitheater with hubby when we were dating, also with kara and jed

4. guns-n-roses/metallica ~ 1992 the rose bowl with my cousin

5. janet jackson ~ 1989 rhythm nation tour with bashka and wayana and i thought it was such a big deal that we were going to opening night!

6. michael jackson ~ 1991 dangerous tour frankfurt, germany with two of my cousins for my 16th birthday ( i was in germany for the summer)

7. morrisey ~ 1993 the hollywood bowl with my cousin and my friend erin

8. toad the wet sprocket ~ 1995 cal poly, slo with my boyfriend at the time and my friend kelly

9. stone temple pilots ~ 1994 irvine meadows with friends j.d and ken

10. lollapalooza 1993 somewhere in so cal with my boyfriend at the time

11. dave matthews band ~ 2003 sleeptrain ampithearter with jacarandabush, mike and his neighbor whose name i have since forgotten

12. alan jackson/ deana carter ~ 1998 mid state fair i can't even remember who i went with! maybe christine? i do remember we were in the second row, though.

13. duran duran ~ 2005 sacramento community center with several friends. well, it started with several friends, then ended up being just me and bobby.....but that's a whole other story.

what about you? what are your favorite concerts?

yesterday i was in a total funk. i went through the range of moods, though never severe. i was angry, and resentful and at times down right grumpy. there was nothing in particular that was bothering me, i was just gray.

i decided to rearrange the office at home. it's mostly my room, and really the only room that the furniture can be moved around in. i went to target and bought a clothes rack and a shoe rack to help my overflowing closet. but, both racks were cheap and they just didn't look right when they were put together, so i disassembled them and put them back in their boxes. i will be returning them later today.

i moved the couch from one side of the room to the other and cleaned off and under the desk. the couch fits nicely under the window, which is on the west side of the house so i get nice sun in the afternoon. i'm laying on the couch right now, in the sun, and it's so nice. i vacuumed and cleaned the heck out of the room, which felt good, too. i found 3 plugs for the bathtub, numerous monopoly houses, one die and several little balls and the cover for my camera under the couch ~ seems i found finn's secret stash!

the kitties seem to like the change as well. anything that gives them more access to sunlight seems to rank high in their books. as for me, i love laying in the sun beneath the window. it's making it hard to motivate today.

i did make plans to go shopping with a girlfriend on sunday, so not all is lost. ;-)

hubby and i are going to a wedding on sunday and i have no idea what to wear. i actually have a lot of errands to run today, so i better get a move on.


My pirate name is:

Mad Ethel Bonney

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

oot oot!

happy birthday to me...

today i slept in, met a friend for lunch, got a mani/pedi and accepted a job. and the day isn't even over yet!

after i got up, i turned on my computer and chatted online for a bit when one of my friends asked me to lunch. before i left, i checked the mail where my girlfriend, sally, had sent me a darling homemade card and money for a mani/pedi. lunch was at a little outdoor cafe where i had a yummy chicken salad sandwich and iced tea. i then wandered around some of the nearby shops then decided to go get my mani/pedi. i went to a new (to me) shop in town and it was a bit creepy. but, whatever. i left there, and hit the starbucks next door.

by the time i got home, i had talked to the hr gal of the place who has been after me and accepted the offer. a little bit ago i chatted with my new boss to firm up some details. he asked me when i would like to start, so i suggested monday. that way i'll have the rest of the week to wrap my head around being a productive member of society again.

tonight i'll go to dinner with hubby. he made reservations at a fun place in town so i'm looking forward to that. he got into my card making supplies yesterday, so i can't wait to see what he has created for me. ha.

we had dinner last night with hubby's family. it was strained, as it usually is. but, they were nice and i could tell they were at least trying. granny gave me a gift card to banana so now i can really put it to good use!

he's baaaaaack!

our finners is home. yay! he jumped up on the window sill a little after 10 pm last night. we were so glad. he was totally fine, albeit starving, but fine nonetheless. he at two cans of cat food and just purred his little heart out for several hours. we care so glad to have the little rascal back. atty cleaned him and they haven't been cuddling ever since.

turns out we have a little journey man in our midst. :-)

we're so sad! finn went out as normal last night, but we haven't seen him since a little after 10 PM. it's now almost almost 1 PM and he still hasn't meowed. we're hoping he's on some fun adventure....but we'd like him to come home now. hubby has checked the road for um....finn pancackes. :-( and i keep checking the big redwood tree in our yard and the roof for signs of him.

in a little bit i'm going to call the shelter we adopted him from to see if anyone bought him in. see, we've been a bit lax on getting finn to wear a collar. well, a collar that actually stays on him. as you see, he's collarless right now.

please keep us in your thoughts for a happy safe finn return.

finn on his first day home

atticus and finn


i'm really discontented right now. i don't really know why, either. i feel uneasy and restless. i'm not at peace. i want to be relaxed but i feel uptight.

i don't know what's next for me in life and that bothers me. i have always wandered without direction but have usually found focus, but this time, my direction has not focused. i have support from all around me, so that's not the problem. i have great friends and a hubby who care.

i am harboring a ton of resentments for hubby's mother, which as much as i try, i just can't shake.

i miss not having close friends close enough to see on a regular basis, though i talk to my friends very often. i am becoming better friends with a girl i met a while ago and i really like her, so it's not like i'm totally alone.

i just don't feel very satisfied right now and i don't know what it is i need to do to become satisfied.

i wish i could release a good cry and just let everything out, but i don't feel like there is anything inside to let out.


i'm sitting here waiting for the mail to come. i know, pathetic. well, at least i'm not waiting on the phone to ring. that was yesterday. more on that in a bit. today i'm waiting for the mail because i am hoping my kate spade bag arrives (the one i bought for myself the other day) and i have to sign for it so i don't want to miss it.

so yesterday, i waited for the phone to ring, and of course, it didn't. see, i had turned off the ringer of my home phone so i didn't hear it ring the first time. i was offered the job that i had turned down a few weeks ago again. they came back on monday with a higher offer ~ which still wasn't enough ~ then called again on wednesday with an even higher offer, this time more than i made at my last job. so, i called back and have been waiting to get in touch with them. i'm still a bit conflicted on what to do. the opportunity sounds great, but i want to make sure i'm making the right decision and not just

eeek! my bag just came. i am in love! yay!

okay, sorry. back to the job. i don't want to just take it because they offered me the money that i want. that whole 45 min - hour commute each way is weighing on me a bit. so i'm making the pro and con list. we'll see how it goes. the hr gal is out of the office until monday, so i may not hear anything until then. so until then, i'll just relax. or at least try to.

i'm so excited about my new bag!

all right. enough about all that. i've paid bills sent out some cards that i made but don't feel like i have gotten too much done today. i need to shower and clean the house so i don't have to do it this weekend.

ooh! i forgot to share another new purchase.....i have discovered felina bras. do you know them? well, they are hands down my favorite. my girlfriend was wearing a darling bra the other day with scalloped straps and she told me about felina. i bought two the other day and love love love them.

i have so much fun with language. some of the most fun i have had has involved sharing funny sayings with friends that only have special meanings to us. so, i present thirteen things that i will never tire of hearing or saying.

1. i hear tell.

2. i bet you dollars to donuts.

3. here's your sign.

4. dallas fort worth.

5. john taylor is still good looking!

6. hey puuuuullllliiiiiaaaaaaaa!

7. i'm on to your reindeer games.

8. i want a mochker and a kwosant.

9. knock, knock, thank you!

10. hi jackarandabush, it's michelerandabush!

11. it's naptime.

12. apropos of which/ apropos of nothing.

13. this is dog shit. (this must be said in a thick british accent.)

it has been such a day for me! i had to get up early to take hubby's car to the shop to get a windshield wiper repaired and a tail light replaced. he had gotten me a loaner car, but since the service was pretty quick, i waited at the dealership. a little while later i went and got my eyebrows done as it had been forever and i just don't do so well plucking them on my own. i decided since it had been a while and since my birthday is on monday that i would get a facial as well.

my gal was open later in the afternoon for a facial so i booked an appointment and took off for the grocery store. i didn't have to pay for the eyebrows as i was getting a facial later and brows are free with a facial, so i was glad to save a few dollars.

after the grocery store i checked for some jobs online then got ready to go to my facial. as i opened the door to leave there were two packages waiting for me. one was some sassy new lingerie i ordered and the other was my very first birthday present from my gal pal terry!!! i was so excited that i opened the box right in the middle of the garage. along with a bunch of fun snacky goodies, she sent me a delicious bottle of burberry brit perfume! i immediately sprayed some on. there was also a darling willow tree figurine of an angel holding a kitty and a singing birthday card with a free itunes download. oh, and a sassy red sweatshirt from her company. it fits perfectly! :-)

after that excitement, i went to get my facial. it was dreamy. i really enjoy the place i go to; it's so peaceful and relaxing. but the best part was when i was done....my gal didn't let me pay for anything! she said it was her treat for my birthday! holy cow! eyebrows AND a facial. and the facial was for 90 minutes.

and if that wasn't enough, when i got home i got a REFUND check for $72 from my insurance company for overpayment on a medical bill! that NEVER happens! so i'm feeling especially warm and fuzzy right now, with supple skin and smelling good to boot!

job stuff.

so yesterday i found out i didn't get the other job i interviewed for. i was sad for a bit, but then dusted myself off and continued on my way. it just wasn't meant to be. i applied for another job, so we'll see how that goes. i also got a call back from the job i turned down ~ the one that couldn't pay me enough ~ and they offered me a little more money. unfortunately, not enough to take the job, though. i just can't go down that much. i mean, i've worked too hard to get to the point i am at that i don't want to go back down the scale. especially since that job would require a hefty commute which would cost a lot for gas. *sigh*


so i just bought myself an early birthday gift. (i even hummed the birthday song in my head as i hit 'pay'.) i have been wanting a new handbag for a while now and well, this great bag was calling out my name on ebay. it was a few dollars, but it is so worth it. i heart kate spade so much and i know this bag will wear really well. and besides. a girl can never have too many handbags. or shoes.

big kitty love.

seriously. how can you not love these guys!! (atty on the left, finn on the right)

after our little sojourn to the sierras, we have returned. we were gone for 6 blissful days and nights, though it felt like much longer. we spent our time reading ~ i read 4 books ~, sleeping ~ we slept in late every day and took naps every afternoon ~ and hanging out by the lake.

it was so blissfully quiet we never really knew what time it was. we spent long afternoons on the deck just listening to the wind whisper through the pine trees. during the day it was in the mid 80's while at night it dropped to the high 50's. we slept with the windows open, letting the cool breeze float across our skin. it felt so good to be out of the oppressive heat that we've been having here.

we took a day trip down the mountain to one of our favorite towns to eat at the polka dot, a lovely greasy spoon hamburger joint. behind the joint is the prettiest place to eat. we stop there every year.

the town is pretty tiny so we only stay about 2 hours then head back up the mountain. though it is only 30 miles away, it takes almost an hour to make the trip since it's mostly switchbacks up and down the mountain and there are usually logging trucks to watch out for.

the day before we left there was a fire in the area and the smoke blew over to our side of the mountain. while the air was smoky, it made for a gorgeous sunset.

we wanted to stay longer but my mil was freaking out about an ant attack in our kitchen at home and for some reason, she couldn't take care of it. i swear to god i wanted to yell at her. because, seriously? THEY ARE ANTS. JUST SPRAY THEM AND CLEAN IT UP. seriously. how hard is that? we were concerned about our cats so we headed home early. good thing we did, too. since she didn't keep them on a regular schedule, they were a bit confused and didn't really eat. now finn has diarrhea and hubby and i have decided that we will no longer ask his folks to take care of the kitties when we are away. she even said to me on the phone on sunday "the work week is starting and i just don't have time for this." time for what? cleaning up some ants? i seriously wanted to reach through the phone and smack her. oh, and the worst part is when we came home yesterday, kitchen was a disaster! i totally had to clean it. it sucked.

but, then i took a nap.

with my buddy, atty. and peace has been restored.

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