this is how i know i have a drinking problem:

when i was at starbucks yesterday morning fixing my coffee with sugar and cream, i overheard a customer order his drink at the counter. i could have sworn he ordered a bombay. i turned around and just stared at him. oh, no, he didn't order a bombay. he ordered a GRANDE.

i know this may not seem that funny to you, but to me, it was hilarious as i loved, loved, loved bombay and was thinking he knew something i didn't and that somehow you could order booze at starbucks.


i have f*ed up so friggen much this week i am driving myself crazy! i don't know if i am trying to do too much too fast or what, but if i don't slow down soon, i am going to crash like crazy. each thing on its own would be fine, but everything surmounted together is disastrous. and i'm not just talking about work stuff, either. i've screwed up in my personal life as well.

at work, i sent out several emails for meetings with the wrong date and one with the wrong location. i also sent directions to people who had never been here before with correct directions, yet the wrong hotel name, so instead of following my directions, they just asked where the hotel was and went there instead. i also set a notice for a weekly meeting rather than a monthly meeting and had to correct that as well.

as for my personal life, i scheduled an appointment at the same time i'm supposed to be having lunch with a friend on friday and just realized that i totally scheduled the wrong weekend to go away with jacarandabush. i'm so upset with myself. she and i discussed going away the first weekend of july. but, we never said specific dates, so i assumed (read make an ass out of you and me) that that meant the first FULL weekend, july 7-8, not june 31-july 1.

oh no! i really, really, hope that jacarandabush isn't upset with me. i feel like such an idiot for not finalizing the actual date with her.

WAIT. HOLD EVERYTHING. i just found an email that said june 6- june 8 between her and i....maybe i'm not as nuts as i thought...but still, i feel awful...i hope, hope, hope we can go next weekend.

i hate being this freaking stressed out!!!

a seemingly long weekend. two 30th birthday parties for hubby's friends yesterday, one lasting for 4 hours at a restaurant.

terrible day today with him. i somehow set him off and it was bad. way bad. i'm drained.

went to the races. don't ever have the desire to go again. but, we did get to sit on the deck at our new building, right at turn one. a few colleagues were there. we had bad track food and left early to avoid the mess of traffic. we watched the end of the race at home and it was fun to see our building on tv every time the cars drove by.

i crashed on the couch for a few hours and feel a bit better now. still drained, but better.

tomorrow should be another stressful day at the office. we have a huge training program beginning and i coordinated the travel for 8 people from all over the country. as long as everyone shows up, i should be fine. but i also arranged for a friend of my boss to arrive today from spain and i'm just praying that all went well with her trip. i do have to change on of her departure connecting flights, though, tomorrow.


think i'll go to bed, cuddle with atty and read. i just got a delicious new nora robberts book.

so since today is the first day of summer, i thought it would be fun to write about thirteen things i'm looking forward to doing this summer.

1. a trip to cambria with jacaradabush for a much needed girlie weekend trip to the shore.

2. a trip to visit sally in kansas. i haven't seen her in 4 years!

3. a trip to sedona with hubby for our 4 year anniversary. rest and relaxation, here we come.

4. throwing a 30th bday party for hubby. a magnum p.i. themed party. oh yeah, i'm not kidding about that.

5. having terry come visit me. i'm so excited to meet her in person!

6. trips to hubby's family cabin in the sierra nevada's. no cell phone range, no internet. aahhh!

7. warm summer days and long summer evening sitting out on the porch watching skybluepink sunsets. country living at its best.

8. going horesback riding in the redwoods with ambs for her birthday.

9. celebrating my 32nd birthday. okay, so that's in september...but still. it's the end of the summer...

10. continuing on with the end of september...celebrating my 2 year sobriety birthday. holy cow. how did i do that!

11. many summer days spent lounging and reading novels. maybe nora roberts will have something new...

12. running 2 10k races. the first one on the 4th of july in kenwood and then on july 15th in sonoma.

13. eating fresh summer fruit. peaches, pears, plumbs, nectarines, strawberries.....

i'm beat... a red headed step-child.

i had to get a blood test this morning and had to fast for 12 hours. luckily, i slept thru most of that overnight, but the worst part was not starting the morning with coffee, and damn did it smell good. i didn't have my first cup until shortly after 9. then at 10 i had an eye appointment. i'm on my last pair of contacts and since finn decided my glasses would make a good chew toy the other day, i'm in a bit of a pickle. my eyes are driving me nuts. but, i did order a sassy new pair of glasses today...

i finally got to work at 10:45 and what a goofy day it turned out to be. the thing that my office lacks the most is communication. but, the other day i resigned myself to the fact that i work as hard as i can each day and the job does not define me. therefore, i will not let it bother me any more. it was a bit of a disaster, though today, but damn it, i did my best!

but, all was not bad as i got my tickets for the race this weekend, so i'm happy. i've never been before, so it'll be an experience, that's for sure. hubby will go with me to the main race on sunday, but we'll see if i make it to the track on friday and saturday. our tiny town of oh, 9,000 people, will suddenly see an additional 100,000 people streaming in for the race. yikes! better get my wife beater and cut off jean shorts ready for i hear some dueling banjos?

and finally, today was day 2 of my training for my next 10k race, which is on the 4th of July. yesterday i ran/walked 3 miles, averaging about 10 minutes a mile. today, i ran almost the whole way, walking only the last 1/4 mile.

i better hit the shower before i fall asleep on the couch!

i'm in a bit of a whimsical mood right now and happened upon one of my favorite poems:

How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tale,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every gold scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spread his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
~lewis carroll

do you have a favorite poem, or saying, that makes you smile?

it's the summer of fun...or else, damn it! i'm tired of the mundane. i want some fun, some excitement and some much needed time away! so, i have booked myself some trips. i'm going to spend a weekend on the central coast with jacarandabush, go visit sally in kansas for a few days and go to sedona with hubby for a couple of days.

my cousin and his wife are in town this weekend and i have another girlfriend is coming to visit in late august. i also have a few baby showers to go to so i've got a prety full summer ahead. hubby and i are going to try and take a few weekends to go up to his family's cabin in the sierras as well.

hubby can complain all he wants about me not saving money, but you know, the memories i will have from all these fun adventures will far outweigh any amount of money in the bank.

hope you all have a great weekend and are up to something fun!!!

since i haven't done one of these in a while, i decided to write something positive, for a change. :)

so today i will be writing about 13 people who mean so much to me ~ in no particular order.

1. jacarandabush. she's been with me since 1st grade. she has helped me out in numerous situations and is the most outstanding friend. ever.

2. ambs. she is so darling and i love her so. we have gotten so much closer the past 2 years and i'm so glad she is in my life.

3. ms. fleurs. she brings happiness and joy into my life on a constant basis. and not just with her fleurs, either.

4. terry. what a dear friend. i cannot believe what a wonderful friendship we have made and i can only hope it lasts forever.

5. wendita. she is such a fun girl. i've known her since college when we were drinking buddies. we have had so many fun times together and share a few tattoos, too!

6. aud. such a sweet girl. i've know her since 5th grade and our friendship has lasted a lot of things. i'm glad she's still around to put up with me!

7. sally. one of my first friends from college. we reconnected when i got married 4 years ago and i'm so glad we did. i'm going out to visit her in about a month and i can't wait.

8. gypsy. a fellow blogger who i consider an online friend. she always makes me smile and i always look forward to what she has to say.

9. the white bear. a friend from a former life who i simply adore. he has kept me on the right path so many times, as long as i see the thousand points of light, pray to jc and keep my little dog will in sight.

10. hubby. while we have our ups and downs, he still makes me belly laugh pretty much every day and is genuinely a good guy deep down inside.

11. my godmother. while i don't talk to her often at all, i know she will always stand by me, no matter what. i really need to contact her...

12. my cousin, a. he's just great. we understand each other so well. it helps that he's from my mother's side of the family and knows how things are.

13. errr...i can't think of a 13th! there are so many wonderful people around me.....

so today at work i was feeling incredibly saucy. i don't know why. maybe all the reading i do on gypsy's site...

i found an adult site and bought a few naughties. i had such a good time being all sneaky at work. i got so hot and bothered that i actually had to excuse myself for a little time in the rest room. :) i was much more relaxed when i returned to my desk. now i'm just waiting for my goodies to arrive.

i'll post the links to what i ordered case you're interested in some naughty fun of your own!

You Have Fantastic Karma

You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person.
And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already.
But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway.
You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that!
How's Your Karma?

karma is an interesting thing. i totally believe in the theory that whatever goes around, comes around three fold. and you just never know when something might happen and how it will effect you. i'm also a big believer in things happening for a reason. while we may not understand the reason at the time, it will eventually show itself and hopefully makes us a better person for what we have experienced.

One Liners

To the men (or boys) I have dated in my life ~ in no particular order:

a~ you were my first crush, ever. i'm so glad you were my first kiss, too.

v~ i really didn't get sick in the bathroom at jr prom. i just didn't want to be there with you. and i knew you would take me home if i told you that.

d ~ thanks for taking me to your homecoming after i graduated and after we had broken up. too bad we never got back together.

s ~ you totally broke my heart. it still hurts for you.

d ~ i can't believe you lied to me and told me you had other girlfriends before me, when in fact, i was your first everything. this is why we broke up. your constant lies because of your insecurities.

s ~ you are the one that got away. i always wonder where you are.

r ~ we had a good time, but your mother was nuts. she's a huge reason we broke up.

b ~ you were the best kisser. mmmm.

m ~ naughty, sneaky, and fun. then your ego exploded and you got all cocky. really? you weren't that great.

p ~ i always liked sneaking kisses with you. they always tasted sweet like pastry.

m ~ what a crazy time that was. i crushed on you for years! i still wonder what it would have been like to be with you.

b ~ we always flirted and kissed, yet we were always with someone else. too bad we were never with each other. i miss you.

j ~ i will always remember with fondness when you took me in the pastry area.

r ~ get over yourself. you are no where near as great as you think you are. and you have a weird smell about you. and very slobbery kisses. yech.

b ~ i'm so bummed we were always with someone else. i know it could have been great. i still can't believe you dated my crazy roommate. maybe one day we will find that trampoline.

c ~ i have no idea why i am so drawn to you. you drive me nuts. but in a very good way.

e ~ i don't understand why you didn't pick me, but now i'm so glad you didn't!

s ~ bet you didn't know i slept with your frat brother after you decided you didn't want me anymore. he don't complain about me like you did.

e ~ i know you realized you were my first. thanks for being so kind about it and not saying anything lame. you were so friggen hott!!

so i'm here. i got home around 5:30, played with the kitties, folded several loads of laundry and took off around 7. i got lost as the roads were not so clearly marked and i doubted myself. but i stopped at a gas station to ask for directions and was on my way after not too long.

i am in the middle of the redwoods right on the russian river. my hotel is a very quaint b&b. very cute and charming. very old victorian, and i love it. there is no cell phone range here and i don't even have a phone in my room. in fact, i had to use a pay phone in the lobby! i don't even know the last time i used one of those. thankfully, i had a couple of dollars in my wallet so i could get change. it's $.50 to make a local call now, by the way.

my room is darling. the bed is oh so comfy with it's pretty sheets and feather mattress and comforter. there is an old wash basin with a mirror that's so old it's a little warped -- but warped in a very charming way. the bathroom is tiny, but still in the victorian design and for a small gal like me, it's no problem at all. there are two comfy chairs and several small lamps, all quite pretty. i even have a small balcony that overlooks the river.

i'm right off the staircase, so there is a bit of noise right now, but i'm sure that will be over soon as the restaurant is closed for the evening. i'm sure hubby would be complaining now, though, or turning up the tv super loud.


when i got here, i wandered downstairs in search for a bit to eat, but found out they were done serving...but a kind waitress offered to make me a salad and a brie appetizer. i sat at the bar for a bit, nibbling away before i headed back up to my room.

i'm tired now. i unplugged the mini fridge as it was making too much noise. he he. i called hubby a little bit ago and he still sounds less than enthused about coming tomorrow afternoon. on one hand, i am fine with it, on the other, it really pisses me off. i'm going to cuddle up with a book and sleep. i miss atticus. tomorrow i'm going to go on a nice walk in the redwoods.

things have quieted down a little now. it's sort of muffled now....

so shortly after posting my last post, i lost it. utterly and completely. i just couldn't hold it in any longer. there is just too much pressure surrounding me these days. after talking with a friend over IM for part of the afternoon, i decided it was best for me to get away for a few days. i just really wanted to disappear, but decided that wasn't the most logical thing to do. i went to the grocery store on the way home from work and ran into someone i knew and stared bawling right there in the middle of safeway. it was awful. i went home and pulled myself together a bit, trying to distract myself by doing dishes, taking out the trash and doing laundry. hubby came home a while later and asked what was wrong. i told him about things at work and we had a normal conversation about it. i also told him i felt we were slipping apart and that we needed to do more together. he said he agreed, but that it was me who wasn't willing to do things with him. wtf? i didn't have the strength to argue with him, so i told him i wanted us to go away for the weekend. he said he had already made plans with friends and didn't want to break them. um...okay. i told him we could go someplace close, and he suggested driving to see one of his grad school friends. for god's sake! so i booked us a room up near the russian river, over looking the river and the redwoods. he said he didn't want to go. that he just wanted to stay in town this weekend. like we do every weekend. he said he had things to do. so fine. i will go alone. last night he asked me again if i was still planning on going alone. i said i was. that i needed to get out of town. to get away from things. i showed him where i had booked the room and he said it looked really nice and peaceful and that there were some great hiking trails. he then said he would cancel his plans and come with me. i just got off the phone with him. one of his friends and his wife will be in town tonight and wanted to know if we wanted to meet for a late dinner. he then said he will not be going with me tonight as he told his friend he would go running with him tomorrow morning then have breakfast. then he told me he has other personal things to do. WTF?! i asked him if he was having dinner with the other friends that were in town for the night. he said maybe. i asked if he wanted me to stay. he said it didn't matter either way. are you kidding me? i'm now feeling sick to my stomach, i think from the clam pizza i had for dinner last night. won't this all just end!?

i'm done.

stick a fork in me. i'm done. no matter what i do, how hard i try or what i sacrifice, i am never good enough for those around me. my job hasn't gotten any better, in fact, i think they are trying to get rid of me. hubby is up and down and i doubt he would care if i went away. i just want to disappear. go someplace that no one will find me. i'm so sick and tired of all the constant bullshit that surrounds me. obviously, since i am the common denominator in everything, it must be me. i just want to go somewhere that is peaceful, quiet and serene and where people are nice to me. is that too much to ask?

i called in sick today. i went home early yesterday and was in bed by 3:40 in the afternoon. we ran out of tissues so i've been using hubby's hankie all day. yes, he uses hankies. i find it rather endearing. anyhow, i woke up at 6 this morning really stuffed up so i decided to stay home. i shot of a few quick emails and went back to sleep until a delicious 11 am. i've been lounging on the couch with the kitties ever since. i've had bad sniffles and a gnarly stuffed up head so it hasn't been so swell. and atty just let out a big fart. ewww.

over the weekend i discovered the most delicious new tea. it's pomegranate oolong tea by harney & sons and is sooo yummie! i found it at a little sandwich place i went to and i like it so much i bought a few packets. it hits the spot today. as much as i heart coffee, there's nothing like a good cup of tea when you're not feeling well.

well, i think it's time for a nap.

i did it!

Yesterday I ran my first 10k race. Okay, to be honest, I didn't run all of it. I walked about half of it. I started off nice and strong, but whithered shortly before the 2 mile mark. From then on, I ran a bit and walked a bit until I crossed the finish line. I won't tell you my time, but I finished. And I wasn't last. There were people finishing well after me, too. Hubby finished in about 52 minutes, doing around an 8 minute mile. I finished well after him, but I felt good when I finished. Well, good considering the searing hot pain I had in my left foot every time I set it down from mile 3 on....

Now I have 5 weeks until my next 10k race. Hopefully now I'll have more time to train as I shouldn't be working crazy hours anymore. I'm even hopeful that I'll get to leave at a normal time and take a normal lunch for a while again.

The visit with my folks was, well, normal. Well, as normal as a visit with them can be. Normal to me because I grew up with them. Definitely not normal for anyone else who was involved. Thank god they stayed in a hotel about 20 miles away, though. And thank god they're on their way home now.

hehhe. my boss just came in and we're both dressed the same. niiiice! ;) we both have on tan cords, black adidas sambas and black shirts.


i am so excited that it is FINALLY june 2. our big event was last night and it was a huge success. i cannot believe it's finally over, though. more than 600 people showed up and it went off without a hitch.

with so many people, i didn't have much time to mingle with my friends who came but i think they all had a great time. my folks had a great time and i think hubby's did as well, though not as much fun as mine did. this event was to celebrate the anniversary of a racing drivers school. i work for the owners of school as their personal assistant. we are in the process of building a cool new facility at the racetrack here and this was the kick off event. we also introduced our new racing car specially made for us by a well known company in england. it was so great.

after the guests got their car valeted, they got the option of driving a go kart or being driven in a golf car to the event site. my dad came roaring down the go kart track. it was so cute. my mom opted for the golf kart. we have also just partnered with audi and we introduced the brand spanking new audis that have never ever been released before ever before. we will now be running the audi ultimate drive experience tour at racetracks across the country. as part of the event last night, guests were able to get in one of the new audi's and be driven by a world class race car driver around the track at warp speeed. my dad had the best time.

we also had several alcohol sponsors. the coolest one was hennesey, who had set up several ice sculpture bars and had sexy models serving their drinks. it was a really great event. hubby showed up and was on his best behavior, too. ms. fleurs and her beau came as did a few other friends.

we had a few minor celebrities show up, the coolest ones being joe montana and john lasseter. 5 formula 1 racecars were auctioned off by the celebrities and the proceeds all went to the charity of the celebrities choosing. scott speed was there as well, as he is our shining star right now -- he got his start and won his first championship at our racing school. he's the first american race car driver in many years to win a formula 1 championship and he's sooo young! he is now on team red bull.

the only bad part is that i woke up with a bit of a cold this morning! i guess it didn't help that i wasn't in the warmest of clothes last night, but i did look great! hopefully some good r&r this weekend will make me feel all better.

my folks will be over soon -- dad, hubby and my fil are going to buy a new motor boat for the cabin so mom and i will hang out for the day. hopefully that won't be too painful...then tonight we're all having dinner together. cross your fingers that all goes well!

time to get another cup of coffee and change the litter box.....

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