skybluepink

so i still have yet to hear from my mother. i made her a birthday present ~ a scrapbook ~ and she got it on friday and she has yet to thank me for it. it was very difficult for me to make her something as we have never had what you would call a close relationship, but still, a thank you is in order.

we have never been close or even very friendly with each other, and that has taken its toll. this year i really tried. i put together some pictures i had of the two of us, which was very difficult as i don't have very many at all, and made a little scrapbook for her. it turned out really good, which is saying a lot since i really don't make scrapbooks all that often. in fact, i haven't made one in about 4 years.

but anyhow, i put a lot of work and effort into it and to not even get a thanks is sad.

sad, but typical at the same time.

and now i'm being stubborn because i haven't called her since her birthday last wednesday because i'm waiting to see just how long it will take her to call me. i always yield to her and this time i will not. i will also not let her make me feel bad, cry, or hate myself at her expense.

i am sad that this is our relationship, but there is nothing that i can do that i haven't already tried. she is just so stuck in another world that there is no breaking through to her. she will not open her eyes and see anything other than they way she knows things, things she learned back in the 40's in germany. things have changed since then, but she will not change. her mind is made up. her eyes are closed to me and the world around her.

what's even sadder is that she has dragged my father down into this world with her. i know that they are good people and that they love me, but they just don't know how to show anything other than the oddness that is their world.