skybluepink

sometimes i wonder how i married such an asshole. seriously. yesterday he said to me "could you not send me personal email to my work email address? that would be great. thanks." wtf!? i send one, maybe two emails a freaking week to him. and yesterday it was contact information from a college buddy of his who was trying to get back in contact with him. good god. and no, i wasn't just catching him in a bad mood, either. this is how he is. he's taking this h.r. thing a bit too far. he then said, " well, i have to lead by example to the other employees. if i ever get audited and they find i have personal email on my work account, it just won't look good." are you fucking kidding me? i do not know one single person who does not use their work email to shoot off a personal email every once in a while. (he doesn't check his hotmail account with any regularity, so it's a crap shoot sending something there.)

that's not all. he also didn't show up until after 8p last night. normally i wouldn't care, but would it really kill him to call me and let me know he's going to be late because he's going to the gym? i wouldn't have made dinner so early if he had. but whatever. i didn't wait for him and i was sitting on the couch watching law & order until my beloved "the hills" came on. well mr. high and mighty came in and changed the channel because he never likes what i'm watching, and puts on some lame movie. so i get out my computer and log on to mtv so i can watch "the hills" online and he tells me i'm being annoying. oh, and did i mention that he's reading the newspaper and not even paying attention to what is on the tv?! *sigh*

sure, i could have gotten up and gone into another room, but damn it. i was there first. i will not be moved every time. i wasn't in the mood to argue, so i got up and went to bed.

and just now, i got an email from his dad that i wanted to tell him about, god forbid i actually fwd it, so i called him and he was all snippy on the phone with me because my phone was cutting out. really? it was because i called him while he was at work. i swear to god, this is getting so old.

the other day we were having a conversation about nothing in general when he started in on how much he makes. i mean, it's great and all that he is doing well, but seriously? money isn't everything. yes, i am proud of him for earning what he does and for being sucessful, but there is so much more to life than that. i'm proud of what i make, too, but i don't gloat about it(i really don't make very much, but i can support myself if need be) while he always goes into this whole diatribe on how he has goals and i don't. yeah, my goal is to be happy. he had set a goal of making a certain amount as a yearly salary by the time he was 30 and he has achieved that. well, good for him. i'm not too pleased that i don't really factor into that equation, though.

frankly, i don't know what equation of his i factor into, except maybe the having a wife part. when i call him on that, he says i'm overracting or feeling to sensitive or something along those lines.

sunday night, as part of my recovery process of alcoholism, i had to make amends to him for how i treated him while i was still drinking. as i started, he interrupted me to say it wasn't the time or the place ~ we were out to dinner ~ but i kept going. he interrupted me a few more times and good god, i wanted to smack him. i know he was looking for more groveling or something, but he wasn't going to get it. i am sorry for how i acted, as i was an ass to him, but sadly, sometimes i think he deserved it. okay, i know, that sounds awful, but really? at times he's not always the nicest guy in the world. other times he's a real peach and that's a treat. but it needs to be way more consistent.

he likes to tell me i'm selfish and self centered. sure, i admit i can be, but i think about other people WAY more than i do myself. this is why i flirt and look elsewhere for attention. it makes me happy when people are kind to me. kindness goes so far with me. i only need a little. i tell him that and he tells me that he's nice to me everyday. um....right.