skybluepink

in a strange turn of events, i think i talked to all my peeps from my past life except for the white bear today. oh, and my one girlfriend who has a crazy busy press job...but other than that, i talked to 6 of my peeps from the last place i called home. all at random times today, and either over email or text message on my cell phone. it was quite nice, i must say. two of them don't live there anymore ~ one lives in sf and the other in la, but they were all there when i was. and two new people that i know now used to work in the very building that i was in. so wierd. i also texted with them tonight. i am feeling a lot of love right now from my peeps. i'm having good memories of the last place. i am playing the garden state soundtrack, which gives me fond memories of that time. it even makes me remember times i had long since forgotten.

on another note, i have to say that i have gotten so much friggen love today from the cute boys that i know. i know i'm a flirt, but not dangerously so. i only flirt with those that can take it and know i'm not serious. it's just nice to get messages or greetings from boys who think i'm beautiful because i never hear that kind of stuff at home. you always seek what you don't get at home, i guess.

kindness goes so far with me. so sadly, i think that is something that is so easily forgotten. especially by c.

holy cow! another old friend just im'd me....i have to go! this is great!!!

why is it that i only look good on paper? my resume is just dandy, but i feel like such a freaking failure. every job that i have had has been crummy. sure, i have a lot of experience, but it's all entry level. i can't ever seem to get above that. sure, i'm a supervisor right now, but working in hospitality is totally different. besides, i'm getting paid less than i have at any other job before this. i have been told that i need to have my resignation letter in tomorrow. c has called me a failure and has been berating me the last few days. i'm so tired of this. i'm not playing the victim like he says i am. i've just had some crummy jobs. well, crummy bosses, anyhow. but, that's what i get for being only entry level. he's never been entry level. he's smarter than that and has always done well in everything he has done. i never have. it's true that i don't have that much gumption or discipline. hell, i can't even make it to the gym with any regularity. but still. it would be nice to have someone on my side. i just am so friggen miserable. i just want to curl up in a ball and cry. i have no pleasure in my life anymore, and that makes me sad. and by pleasure, i mean of any kind ~ mental, physical, sexual. i just feel so worthless. no matter what i do for others, it just seems wrong. but what about for me? why is it that i have to work for others? don't my feelings matter, too? i fully supported c when he made his decision to resign from his job. why won't he support mine? it's not like i'm making big money or anything. hell, most of my paycheck goes into savings. i just wish i had some support from someone. even my parent's don't support me. but hell, they never have supported me emotionally.

i have so much to do and no energy to do any of it. work took everything out of me this morning ~ we had such a friggen hectic day.

so i did it. sort of. just before i left work for the day ~yes, i had to work today~ my boss asked to talk to me. i knew something was up, as he never just asks to talk to me. anyhow, turns out someone had told him that i am planning on leaving. that someone has to be cankles. (i'll explan more about her in a few minutes). anyhow, we had a pleasant enough conversation and i ended up saying that i would like to leave before christmas. i wasn't really ready to do that, but i was in a bit of a pickle with him bringing it up and all, so it was clear what i had to do. anyhow, a sense of relief has washed over me. i guess things do have a way of working out. c accepted a new job on monday that he will start next week, our home computer is working, and i have found several jobs to apply to. i'm going to work on a formal resignation letter and present it to my boss on monday.

cankles, on the other hand, is on my last nerve. she is the night time supervisor and is called cankles for very obvious reasons. not only does she have awful fashion sense ~ you know it's bad when pretty much everyone comments on it ~ but she wears these god awful nuddie nylons that are really thick and suntan colored. she also wears old granny skirts and flat shoes. she rarely matches her top with her bottom and she always pulls her hair back into a pony tail. i was actually pretty surprised to hear the others comment on her constant state of disaray. i mean, i always noticed, but never knew how much others noticed. sadly, she's only about 28 and thinks she's totally in fashion. she thinks she is so ralph lauren. are you kidding me? just because one always wears the same ralph lauren sweater, does not one ralph lauren make.

anyhow, i digress. she has the loosest lips of anyone i know. she has no idea when to keep her mouth shut. she has thrown me under the bus to my boss several times already and today is the final straw. i'm better than that, as i had no comments to make back to him regarding all the things she has told me and how much she doesn't like him. that's just not my style.

so anyhow, i best be getting a new job soon. like tomorrow. but, at least i won't have to work on christmas. and that i am thankful for.

it's raining outside and the sound is soothing my soul. my little fuzzy ray of sunshine ~atty~ is cuddling up with me. i'm going to take a bubble bath and go to bed and sleep on my new sheets.

my home computer is fixed!!!! yay! sweet relief. stay tuned for pictures.....

so this morning i found out that ever time either the night time supervisor or my boss would email me, about all the things i'm doing wrong, they would bcc the other managers in the hotel as well. wtf is that? words cannot even describe what i am feeling right now.

blogger is pissing me off. okay, maybe not so much blogger, but the computer that i am on. i should never have gotten so pissy with my laptop because now i have nothing to work on at home. and i can't post anything but my words, either, which is annoying in and of itself. especially since i have a new fly-ass camera.

it is so friggen cold here right now. i want the nice weather back. just some sun would be nice. i hate when it's overcast and cloudy. this morning when i left for work it was so foggy out i could barely see 5 feet in front of my car the whole way.

my parents arrive tomorrow and i already had a frustrating conversation with my dad, so i'm a little anxious. he thinks that i am a weak person and should just stay home and be a housewife. nice. he's very old school in his beliefs, which has always been a bone of contention for me. he is very chauvanistic (sp?) which tends to get under my skin quite quickly. thankfully, my anti-anxiety meds help me tremendously, so i don't get as rattled when i talk to him anymore. don't get me wrong, my dad is a good guy, he's just...well...different. he has a very different way of thinking. so does my mom. it's like they are stuck in some wierd time warp.

i'm in trouble at work, again, and i don't know why. i got an email yesterday from the evening supervisor in her broken english ~ which is especially pathetic since she is british and still can't write correctly ~ saying that she needs to go over a few things with me. and no, i'm not trying to read into things here, either. the email was pretty condecending and i know where it's headed -- right down the toilet.

i am seriously considering putting in my resignation as soon as my boss comes back from his honeymoon. every day i'm just closer and closer to doing it. thankfully he comes back soon. mental health is way more important to me than anything. well...money is pretty darn nice....but not as nice as my well being.

crap...gotta go. will write more later.

Explain what ended your last relationship. i just wasn't into him anymore, so i ended it.

When was the last time you shaved? two days ago, i think.

What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? updating buffet menus. aren't you jealous?

What were you doing 15 minutes ago? talking with the chef about our breakfast buffet.

Are you any good at math? nope, which is why i gave up the idea of being an industrial engineer

Your prom night, what do you remember about it? the limo driver had no idea where the universal hilton was. duh. universal studios. oh, and that we pulled up along side another car at a stoplight on hollywood blvd and asked the driver if they had any grey poupon, and when he said no, we said we did and handed him a jar.

Do you have any famous ancestors? not that i know of, but then again, being adopted sort of limits my knowledge on that

Have you had to take a loan out for school? yes, but it was so i could have more spending money.

How many different beverages have you had today? just one...a mocha

Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machine? totally. i hate people who hang up on mine, so i always leave a message.

Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? the moody blues in the early 80's

Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? sometimes

What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had? hmm..seeing how i was totally put out when i got my wisdom teeth pulled, i would have to say having a cavity filled. i've got a mouth full of 'em.

What is out your back door? we have two side doors instead of a back door. out one door is the side yard with the whisky tango deck ~ an astro turf covered deck with old skool deck chairs right next to the propane tank and the laundry line ~ and out the other door is the drive way and the rose garden.

Any plans for Friday night? it's date night, so we're off to the hardware store and dinner.

Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? yes, and when i'm missing the ocean, i use surf spray by bumble and bumble to get that same feelin'.

Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? ha. no, but i've bought one.

Have you ever been to a planetarium? yeah, the griffith park observatory is about 10 minutes away from where i grew up and i used to go there all the time. they had a great lazer light show to the dark side of the moon by pink floyd.

Do you re-use towels after you shower? yep

Some things you are excited about? sleeping in, my cat, getting something fun in the mail, thanksgiving, my parents coming to visit next week...

What is your favorite flavor of JELL-O? raspberry

Describe your keychain(s). it has a red and silver star, a few other random little trinkets and 5 keys

Where do you keep your change? in my wallet.

When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? a long time. since college, i think.

What kind of winter coat do you own? i have several knee length wool coats, a carhardt and some fleece jackets.

What was the weather like on your graduation day? high school ~ warm. college ~ chilly

Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? open, so the cat can get out and use the litter box

whew. what a day. i put in 11 hours today and 10 yesterday. overtime, baby. well, more than that, actually, since i get paid time and a half for anything over 8 hours a day. i came home and took a bubble bath to decompress. i'm still a bit wound up, though. maybe it's that strong cup of coffee i had right before i left...hmm...

the other day i ordered a bunch of used books from amazon dot com. they started coming yesterday. i love getting packages in the mail. today i got two packages: a book and a sweater that i had also ordered. the sweater is a baby cable knit pomegranate red cashmere and is delish. i will be wearing it tomorrow for sure.

today i was extra sassy in a flared black skirt, knee high black pointy toe boots and a crisp white button up shirt with the just the right amount of buttons unbuttoned. to top it off, i had a black and white checkered wool coat on. i got several sassy comments today, so that was a lot of fun.

i had lunch with once of my friends, who i am SO proud of. she has been working incredably hard to loose weight and told me today that she has lost a total of 38 lbs since she started. she was just glowing. she is just under 200 lbs now and has said this is the first time in almost 7 years she has been this weight. she is an inspiration to me. her secret to sucess is eating right and getting enough excercise. she totally has her splurge days, but makes up for it by eating right and working out a little more the few days after.

she is even going to get certified to teach spin classes at our gym. ha. i say 'our gym'. like i ever go. like i even remember where it is.

i went to tower records the other day and since the store in town is closing, everything was 40% off, so i got a few things. i know, i know. big surprise there. i got norah jones' new album ~ okay, last year new ~ the clash and the first karate kid movie for c. at another store i got a cool french cd that i'm listening to right now. it's one of those putumayo world music cd's and it's really good. the first son, au cafe de la paix by thomas fersen is my favorite, but they're all really good.

i also got a great card in the mail from another girlfriend. i LOVE getting cards in the mail, almost as much as i LOVE getting packages. well, no, i like getting cards better since i usually have paid to have the packages sent and the cards came to me for free. i love sending random cards so it's really great to recieve them, too. thanks, sally!

oohhh...c is home with pizza!!!

just in case i haven't stated this enough, i really hate my job. oh, you want another example? okay. so i was off the past two days and when i got in today, i had 32 random emails from work. that's a lot, especially considering i work at a freaking resturant in a hotel, and none of the emails were in regards to reservations.

anyhow, one email in particular announced a training session about tea. yes, tea. i politely declined, saying that i would have to miss the ever exciting session due to my parents being in town that day and because so, i have the day off.

now mind you, i see my parents about one a year. maybe twice. this would be one of those two times a year and they will be here next week for thanksgiving. this training session is next tuesday. this is the response back i got:

That is a shame that you will miss this 90 minute training class regarding Tea, seeing as Tea is a key part of breakfast service – please ensure as many of your team attends as possible so this opportunity is not wasted.

Thanks

not only that, but it was also cc'd to my boss and the night time supervisor. all i have to say, is wtf?!

yay! i have today off. aren't you all jealous? no, probably not, because you all had a normal weekend off. i'm SO over working weekends. and holidays. i'm looking for a new job pronto. now if only i didn't trash my other computer that had my resume on it...

it's rainy and cold outside today. a perfect day to stay inside with the cat and a tasty cup of coffee in a special mug that my friend jsco sent me.

i have a load of laundry going, so at least i feel a bit productive this morning. i went to the grocery store yesterday and cleaned the bathroom, so that's two less chores for me to do today. i have to pay the dreaded bills, though.

another sucky thing about having days off that no one else does is just that ~ no one else has the same days off as me so i have no one to hang out with.

but, i do get to sleep in, so that's good.

i'm on a new makeup kick right now. i went shopping with my girlfriend when i was home last week and got some great new powder. it makes such the difference! i'm really amazed. i totally feel like a new woman when i wear it. okay, maybe that's going a little far....but it does make me feel good and looks very natural. my friend also turned me on to black nail polish. i am going to get some today. i have been seeing it around in ads and such, but she was the one who really pointed it out to me. i've been wearing vamp, by chanel, which is the original dark red color, but i'm ready to go black.

i also bought a new perfume when i was home. coco mademoiselle by chanel. it's scrumptious. i had been wearing kate spade for a while now, so it was time for a change. i LOVE the new perfume. i've never owned chanel before. it was such a treat! my mom wears no.5 on special occasions, so it definitly felt decadent to purchase chanel. i have gotten so many compliments since i bought it, which feels so good.

daytime tv is SO bad, but i just can't seem to turn it off. there's nothing but bad talk shows ~ the one that i am currently watching has cheaters trying to make up to their partners by doing stupid things like walk naked in a sandwich board saying they cheated and are sorry ~ cheap insurance comercials, weight loss comercials and technical school comericals. sadly, the demographic that daytime tv is meant for is just the type of people i work with. just add a bad grammar commercial and we'd be all set.

yeah...bad grammar. that is the worst! there is NO excuse for bad grammar. bad spelling, now that's a bit different. i don't spell so swell and i know it. but, i always use spell check when i can, especially with work emails and documents. it's so amazing to me that the people i work with just don't get it. it's so bad. and while i write with lower case here, i never do that at work. e.e. cummings wrote entirely in lower case, but that was his thing. writing in lower case in a professional environment is just not okay.

okay, enough of that rant!!!

the kitty wants to cuddle and is making typing a bit difficult.

it is so friggen cold today. i just checked weather dot com and it says it's 29 outside right now. and it's only supposed to get into the low 60's later today. my car was coated with frost this morning. thick frost, at that. brrrrr. good god it's cold! i'm so not ready for the cold.

yesterday i was so tired when i got home from work, that i took a nap. this nap was out of control, as i didn't get out of bed until 5:45 this morning! wtf was wrong with me? i was out! c checked on me a few times because he was worried. that was so weird that i slept so long. but i guess i needed it. i guess everything has caught up with me. i feel good today, though. i even slept with my contacts in and i NEVER do that. even when i was drinking, i took them out. i still don't know how i managed to do that at time though, especially in a blackout...but i digress...

my boss is gone for 2 weeks now...yipee! he's off getting married and going on a honeymoon and will have no access to anything here. hopefully things will be just fine while he's gone. i still am keeping my ears and eyes out for any other opportunities that may come my way. staying here for much longer is definitly not in the cards for me.

as i was surfing around a bit today, i found the greatest site. check it out!!!

http://www.shelfari.com/shell/shelf (i have also linked it on my site under amusing thots as my bookshelf)

as most of you know, i LOVE to read ~ and pretty much anything i can get my hands on, too. this site is fun and now when i'm looking for something new to read, all i have to do is check it out and see what other people are reading. since i'm not at home right now and don't have access to my everygrowing bookshelf, the books that are listed right now are only a begining. i'll update it more when i get the chance.

if any of you decide to make page, be sure to let me know so i can see what you're reading, too!!

i am getting picked up in 45 minutes to go to the airport. leaving here is bittersweet. every time i come to visit, i realize how much i miss LA. there's just so much to do here. so much life. so many different people. living in a small town just doesn't do it for me.

the weather down here is fantastic, too. yesterday and today it has been in the 80's. where i'm living now is already down to the low 60's, rainy and cool.

i love that my girlfriend and i had so many options of things to do the past two evenings. we ate great food, drove around the city and went to great shopping centers. i love how the city glistens in the dim evening light than goes to an all out sparkle in the night.

the funeral service was nice yesterday. it was at a cemetary near by where lot's of 'old hollywood' stars are burried. sometimes i think i was born in the wrong generation ~ that i should have been born in the 40's.l love that look and feel of old hollywood. my parent's neighborhood is like that too, with big spanish style homes, large magnolia trees that reach across the street making a big canopy for the cars to drive under, and beautifully manicured gardens. i miss that.

i'd move down here in a heartbeat, but c hates it down here, so we're stuck in northern ca for now. but don't get me wrong. i really like northern ca, too, but it's just not the same.

but, i did get some good eats, good shopping and good family time in.

LA is good. and bad. well, LA itself isn't bad, just the news when i got here last night. yep...another death. are you friggen kidding me?! my cousin in texas had a heart attach and died on saturday. he was only 49. this is just awful. his wife died of cancer two years ago and my uncle (his dad) died last year of heart problems. this is all so sad. my poor aunt! and my cousin's 2 kids! they are 20 and 21. so friggen sad to have both parents die.

the funeral this morning went well, at least. nice, swet and thoughtful. afterwards we went to Marie Callendars for lunch. it was a quiet day.

I went to dinner with my girlfriend and we checked out a new-to-me shopping center. it was nice to get out and nice to be in LA. I called in to work this afternoon after deciding to stay down here another day, and let them know i was needed here at home, due to all the recent tragedy. i took a really long 3 hour nap today. it was so peaceful and quiet.

but now i realize that i will not be home in time to vote tomorrow. well, i might be, but it will be darn close. my flight lands 6:20 pm and i have an hour drive, so we'll see it i make it by 8pm~

i feel like poo today. like a bad hangover, except i didn't drink. i did eat a lot of jalapeno poppers last night, so that might be what is causing my stomach to be upset. my head is achy and i just feel pooie and tired. i almost called in sick today, but figured since i'm leaving early anyway to fly down to LA, i couldn't really do that. i'll manage as we are going to be really slow today.

last night was a ton of fun, though, and i'm really glad i went. there were 18 of us total and it was great. they guys and a few of the girls were watching the cal vs. ucla game in the rec room and the rest of us girls played cards. it was cool being around so many like-minded people. it was also good to chat with the others and know that some of them were having a tough go at things right now with regards to jobs and buying homes. only one couple has a kid (the kid wasn't there) and that was nice, too. everyone had gone to college and had jobs and were either married or close to getting engaged. i miss groups like that. luckily, this group is pretty tight and manage to get together often enough to stay close.

one of the guys bbq'd steak and chicken and we had salad, corn on the cob and bread. i got to drive one of my friends new cars on a beer run. one of the upsides to staying sober! :)

maybe if i eat something now i'll feel better. i hate feeling pooie. :(

too many people are dying. i now have another funeral to go to. an old friend of the family just died the day before yesterday and i'm off to her funeral on monday. she introduced my parents and they have been married for 43 years now, so she's been around our family for quite a while. she would have been 99 in 2 weeks.

she's was always on my case about one thing or another, mostly about going to college, getting a good education and about how usc is the best school in the world. sadly, her grandchildren grew to resent me, as i was always around her and they weren't (they grew up on the east coast and i grew up only a few minutes away from her). since she lived in LA alone, she was always at our house for every holiday so she was always like a second oma. we even called her oma. she will be missed. but her time had come.

i'm flying to LA after work tomorrow and will return monday night. c isn't able to come with me since it's such short notice and he has a lot of work to do before he leaves his job in december. one of my girlfriends is picking me up at the airport, which is really nice of her, so i'll get to spend a little time with her as well.

i set my alarm super early this morning and set the coffee maker on automatic, but i STILL didn't get out of bed. atticus has snuggled himself under the covers with me and i SO didn't want to get out of that comfyness.

so i didn't.

i got to work a few minutes earlier ~ but still later than i should have~ but that was fine. i did have every intention of getting here much earlier, but alas, i did not.

since i do not have a lot to do after the resturant (will i ever spell that word right!?) i tend to leave way before 8 hours are up. i do try to milk the time clock, but i can only stay here so long. grrr.

i did chat with a friend yesterday about doing some pr work for her and that just may be the ticket. she's trying to get her business up and running a bit more ~she's a one woman show right now~ and asked if i could help here with my mad communications skills, which would be most delightful. she said she would pay me a commission on each new client i got for her. we are going to sit down this weekend and discuss the details. this is definitly something exciting for me and a place to show off my mad skills.

or so i hope.

tonight c and i are going to drive to the coast to meet some of his friends from college for dinner. that should be fun. his friends have rented a house for the weekend, but since i have to work today and tomorrow morning, we aren't able to stay, which is fine by me. those cats drink a lot and that would be a bit much for me to be around all that action. dinner will be more than enough.

tomorrow i got invited to a candle party. sort of like a tupperware party, except they push candles on you. i'll probablly go for the girlie time, but won't buy anything, especially since money is really tight right now.

i don't understand people who can't seem to maintain friendships. i don't know where i would be without my friends. i know once you enter a relationship, your friendships tend to shift around a bit, but by no means does that mean you should no longer be friends with people.

i still have friends from grade school and college that i talk to often. i have friends from the different cities i have lived in and still keep in touch with them. even if i can't see them often, i still talk to them with regularity. keeping this blog also helps keep in touch with people.

maybe i make friends easily, but i am also able to maintain my friendships, regardless of being married. i just don't understand how people suddenly let go of their friends when the get into relationships.

i know several girls who only have their husband or boyfriend's friends. i just don't get that. don't you need your own friends? people that have been there for you and understand you?

don't get me wrong; i'm all for joint friends. it's great to hang out as a group and all, but you totally need your own peeps. it's just weird. i mean, what if you break up or get divorced? if they are his friends, they will most likley stay his friends, not yours.

i know i'm a pretty independent person, but i just don't get only having one group of friends. where's the fun in that?

even c, who comes from a tiny town, has his friends he grew up with, friends from college, friends from grad school and friends from work. to me, that's normal. sure, i get along with his friend and i even hang out with some of them, but i still maintain my friendships. he likes my friends as well, but we still have our own peeps. i just don't understand how people live without their very own peeps.