skybluepink

why is it that i only look good on paper? my resume is just dandy, but i feel like such a freaking failure. every job that i have had has been crummy. sure, i have a lot of experience, but it's all entry level. i can't ever seem to get above that. sure, i'm a supervisor right now, but working in hospitality is totally different. besides, i'm getting paid less than i have at any other job before this. i have been told that i need to have my resignation letter in tomorrow. c has called me a failure and has been berating me the last few days. i'm so tired of this. i'm not playing the victim like he says i am. i've just had some crummy jobs. well, crummy bosses, anyhow. but, that's what i get for being only entry level. he's never been entry level. he's smarter than that and has always done well in everything he has done. i never have. it's true that i don't have that much gumption or discipline. hell, i can't even make it to the gym with any regularity. but still. it would be nice to have someone on my side. i just am so friggen miserable. i just want to curl up in a ball and cry. i have no pleasure in my life anymore, and that makes me sad. and by pleasure, i mean of any kind ~ mental, physical, sexual. i just feel so worthless. no matter what i do for others, it just seems wrong. but what about for me? why is it that i have to work for others? don't my feelings matter, too? i fully supported c when he made his decision to resign from his job. why won't he support mine? it's not like i'm making big money or anything. hell, most of my paycheck goes into savings. i just wish i had some support from someone. even my parent's don't support me. but hell, they never have supported me emotionally.