Posted by maddie at 9:00 AM

i want to be gone from everything. i no longer want to be here. or anywhere people can hurt me. i'm done. i'm tired of it all. i just want everyone to leave me alone. you all make me hate myself more than i already do. i know i'm not good enough. i've got the point. just leave me alone. stop it, already. i'm done.

 

8 Comments:

  1. Anonymous said...
    9:51 AM  
    Why would you say that? Because no one posts on your site? If all it takes to make you happy is a post then here you go...but I suspect that you may need more than few simple posts to make you feel better. It sounds like you've been through a lot and you should be proud of how well you've done. Those others who want to drag you down? Cut them out of your life. It's hard, but as my nana used to say 'The only person you have to live with for the rest of your life is you.' So go and be happy. You deserve it.
    maddie said...
    10:39 AM  
    naw, it's not about my site at all. i'm just in a crummy place in my life right now and between my husband, my parents and my job, things just aren't getting any better. makes me just want to stick my head in the sand and leave everyone and make them live without me for a while. see how they all get along then.
    Sally said...
    10:45 AM  
    so long as it's only for a little while and not forever...you're scaring me a little girl...are you ok? you know this is KW, right??
    Anonymous said...
    10:45 AM  
    Maybe you should do that. Grab a couple of your best girlfriends and go away for a weekend and unwind. We all need time away from our men from time to time. You need to concentrate on you and what makes you happy because you can't be a part of someone else's life if you are constantly unhappy. If it's just one of those days and things just seem bad right now, do some yoga. Sounds dumb but it works for me. Barring that, call up a friend or two and meet for coffee. Sometimes just being around people who love you no matter what is all you need. Hugz!
    Sally said...
    11:02 AM  
    oh yeah, one more thing...here are two of my favorite verses that I want to share with you...they help encourage me to keep going when I feel down:

    Jeremiah 29:11
    For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

    Philippians 4:13
    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

    For me, these verses are ABSOLUTELY good news, and COMPLETELY TRUE! I know you're working through your own spirituality, but for me, these verses help prove that God is out there for us, every day, all the time!
    maddie said...
    12:06 PM  
    well i just took a long walk and got a nice coffee..the girls at the coffee shop made me a chocolate raspberry mocha...and i'm feeling a bit better. thanks for your thoughts, it means ALOT. i have a hard time here as well because all of my good friends live hours in different directions. emails and phone calls are fine, but it's tough when i can't call someone just to hang out. i know a few girls here in town, and have hung out a few times, but we connect on different levels, so it's just not the same and i'm not comfortable just opening up to them.

    thanks for your verses, kw. i like those. i know goodness is around me, i just have to find it. i'm just really tired of all the negativity that surrounds me all the time.
    Helene said...
    12:29 PM  
    ugg.. sorry it is such a tough time for ya. It'll change, but getting through the feelings is not easy for sure! I blogged a while ago about 'buckets' those things I do that are stress relievers... things that take the pain away (like blasting my ipod and running miles and miles... lighting a scented candle, chocolate, strong coffee, blogging, gardening) It all is a bandaid for sure, but its all I have to offer!

    cheers!

    K

    PS I am gonna make you guess a little longer b4 I tell ya the rock star i live near. I didnt live in Germany, he is just touring there. I left more hints today! lol... (gosh this is probably gonna be a big ole let down when you find out hehehe)
    maddie said...
    12:41 PM  
    thanks, kate. i appreciate it. my choclatey rasperry mocha is good and i'm going to treat myself to a milkshake later, too. i'm going to take your advise and do something else, like swim after work. it will help me fight some of these demons, or at least quiet down my mind some.

    how much longer are you going to keep us in suspense about the rocker? :)

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