skybluepink

i am sensing a pattern within myself. i think, i dwell, i write. i am inside my head entirely too much these days. maybe it's the fact that I'm not drinking anymore that leaves me with such clarity. it leaves me with something, that's for sure. i'm trying to write more than just random thots, but that's all i've got right now. guess that's better than nothin.

i have also been spending entirely too much money these days. i think i have substitued my drinking for shopping. well, that and since i moved here i have undergone a whole life make over. new outlook, new job, new clothes...the only constant is that i have kept my friends.

well, most of them anyway. the ones that i drank a lot with don't really contact me anymore, but that's okay. they were just drinking buddies anyway. funny how that works. either that, or they contact me for favors. i hate that. sure, i'm in a position now to offer deals to my friends, but don't just call me for a deal. call me because you like me and want to hang out with me. then ask me for a deal. i've already offered it to you. but you have to at least act like you want to hang out with me. and i don't mean the few of you who actually read this...it's the others that don't that constantly ask.

lestat has been contacting me a bit these days as well and he'll be up in the area some time next week. he wants to get together. we'll see how that goes. maybe for an early dinner or something. he mentioned drinks, but i had to remind him, again, that i don't drink anymore. not even wine? he asked. um, no, idiot. especially not wine.

so some jackoff just set of a sprinkler system here at work. he hung a hanger from one of the fire sprinklers in and it set off the system and totally flooded three rooms, from the third floor down to the first. what a fucking moron. i mean, really. who is handing out brains these days?

yippee! one of my colleagues just brought me a mochker. mmm. chocolate. chocolate good. this is going to help the fussy day that is upon me. everyone here is in a mood. mr. fp is just flamming today. er...i mean that in a hot way...err...no in a i'm going crazy and about to explode way. he is gay, which makes it even worse. he's amusing, actually, but not when it's at my expense, like it often is.

i just want to douse him in lavender. i already doused one of the fashion victims. i accidently got some on her face, though. oops.

what is wrong with me???

spoke to my dad yesterday. he's really proud of me for not drinking. he never tells me he's proud of me, so this is pretty special (and not in a short bus way, either). he even asked if i'm going to aa, which is cool. he used to ask if i was staying off the sauce, but now i think he understands how serious it is, which i'm glad of.

it's hard to connect with my parents so it's nice when they are receptive to me. we are in such different worlds that it really feels good when i can get through to them on deeper levels.

i have been wondering about my biological parents more and more these days. with this new found sobriety, i just wonder what is in my genetic make up. i was a bit of a mess growing up and wonder if i have anything in my past that makes me the way i am today. i mean, was anyone crazy or mental? was anyone an alcoholic? did anyone die of any health related issues, like heart dieases or cancer?