skybluepink

is it wrong that i have no desire to find a job? i feel so lost all of a sudden. i don't know what direction i want to go in nor do i know where to start. i don't even have an up to date resume. okay, so that's easy enough to fix and i am pretty good at putting one together so i won't have any problems there. BUT i still have no idea what i want to do. i think i need to get away from what i have been doing, as i no longer feel i can do the job well. seeing how i have worked the same type of job ever since i graduated college, all be it in various industries, i no longer have the desire to do that type of work. i am also really fed up with the lack of communication that people maintain in the workplace. i know that knowledge is power and all, but hell, if the knowledge is never shared, then the whole situation is screwed. i have often tossed around the idea of starting my own business, but i don't know what that is.

i talked to a few girlfriends today and did feel better, as they too, are going to thru similar circumstances. maybe it's a sign we're all getting older and are all trying to find our way. who knows.

this weekend was up and down, emotionally, that is. saturday was great -- hubby and i took our kayaks to a nearby lake and spent the late morning splashing around. it was great. there were so many birds i had never seen before; greves, mudhens, petaluma mallards and coots, that it was so serene to just float and watch them all. there was a blue heron who fished along the shore and a hawk that circled the never ending blue sky. we relaxed for the rest of the day, which was great. since i had most of last week..er...off, i cleaned the house so it didn't need to be done over the weekend.

sunday, well, sunday was a different day. i woke up blue and just couldn't shake it. hubby went into work around 10 because he had so much to do, so i was left at home to stew. and stew i did. i'm just in such a weird place right now. i couldn't shake it. i tried getting motivated, but nothing was going right. i took a drive and went to target...ah...consumer therapy. i had to buy something to get rid of the awful pee smell in the house. finn has decided it's a good idea to pee on fresh laundry or the couch. but, on a positive note, atty is no longer pooing in the house. in fact, he hangs out by the door each and every time he has to go, so there's nothing in the house. but finn, finn, is a teenager now and is trying to show his standing in the house. they've both been fixed, so the vet thinks it's finn trying to show his dominance. sigh. anyhow, i found some febreze and surprisingly, got out of target spending only $40. i did stop in sephora, and well, i wasn't so frugal there...getting out at about $80. oh well. a girl's still got to look pretty, even if she's unemployed, right?

by the time i got home, i wasn't feeling much better. i sprayed the house with febreze, which did help, and continued to sulk. hubby came home around 4:30 and i suggested an early dinner of juicy hamburgers and fries and the place up the road. he actually agreed and we headed out. it was a great afternoon so we munched on our goodies and felt like old people dining so early. i am really, really thankful that hubby is being so nice and understanding right now, though. because seriously? that would be THE LAST thing that i would need right now. he only has made one comment so far about me looking for another job, and it was more along the lines of 'have you applied anywhere' and not anything rude or insensitive, so i was just fine with that. and it was much more of a passing comment than anything else. plus, i have been doing a lot around the house, so as far as he knows, i haven't been napping my days away. and what he doesn't know....hehe.

finn has just made his way on our roof and hubby has been calling for him for a while now. i don't know where atty is, but i don't think he is foolish enough to get up there with finn. silly kitties!

i'm trying to wind down for the day - that tough day that i had - because i'm getting up at the ass-crack of dawn so i can go to the fleur market with miss fleurs. i have to be at her house by 4 am. ugh! that means my alarm is going off at the ungoldy hour of 3:30. holy crap. that's in 6 hours. i will be napping a long time tomorrow.