what would you do?

Posted by maddie at 3:27 PM

my mother is throwing a shower for her god-daughter. wait. let me back up a bit to give you some history: my parents have been friends with john and carol since my dad went to college with john. john and carol are really nice people and they have 3 kids who my parents are godparents to. now, while john and carol are super nice, they are also um....really really whisky tango. we could never go into their house because it was always such a disaster. see, they are big time horders. i'm not even kidding. it's awful. needless to say, they always came to our house instead of us going to theirs.

a few years ago, carol died from cancer. she was gone within 6 months of being diagnosed and it was just devastating. john has never recovered, nor have his children.

only one of the kids went to college and the other two work at either blockbuster or random gas stations. one of the girls (2 girls, 1 boy) got preggers by some random guy who, of course, is no longer in her life. the other girl is the one who my mother is throwing the shower for. now, this girl went to college and is a teacher. she has broken the mold of her family. she's put together and has goals. she has been dating this guy for a few years and they are getting married in april.

sounds good, so far, right? well, growing up whisky tango, she never learned about saving money or how much things really cost. she is also having a HUGE mexican wedding because the guy she is getting married to is mexican. i've been to mexican weddings and they are an enormous event and pretty different than an American wedding. anyhow, i called my mother today to ask how the shower planning is going. turns out this girl has invited 80 people to the friggen shower at my parents house! are you fucking kidding me?! and she expects my parents to foot the bill! holy shit! and my mother wants the party outside because she doesn't want all those people WHO SHE HAS NEVER MET BEFORE inside her house. and frankly, i don't blame her at all. but um...in a month it will be only the begining of march and well, while i know los angeles is nice most of the year, it's still a little chilly to be outside.

on one hand, this is all none of my business. on the other, i am very protective of my parents and their house. they are savers who buy nice things because they have saved long and hard for them. i know this sounds awful, but i do worry about things walking away or being broken by people who don't care and will never be back. and having 80 strangers in your home at one time is a scary thing. and frankly, their house isn't nearly big enough for that! and my mother thinks it's silly to have to rent tables and chairs so she won't do that. this party is going to be a fucking disaster. i asked if she wanted any help, and she said no. my mother rarely entertains for more than half a dozen people and even so, it's usually a pretty simple event. i can only imagine how this is going to turn out. and i know it will be my fault when this goes badly. sure, i can stay away, but i am invited and if i do go, i will be expected to help and that will totally stress me out because, hello, did i mention 80 PEOPLE?! and if i stay away, my parents will give me the guilt trip for not helping. it's a no win situation for me. and no, i'm not being dramatic. it's just how my parents operate. i get blamed for things even when i'm not directly involved.

so what would you do if you were in this situation?

 

9 Comments:

  1. Sally said...
    5:19 PM  
    Ok, here are some questions. Have invites already gone out? If not, your mom can still say that she doesn't think she can fit all those people and she needs to keep it X # of people. If all 80 come, then skip the games, just have cake and mixed nuts and punch, and have the bride start opening gifts as soon as the shower starts. Maybe they'll all be gone in an hour.

    I bet it would mean a lot ot your mom if you went and helped her. But, if she doesn't want your planning help, then just go and do what she asks or keep food filled or whatever. At least you'll be there for moral support.

    And lastly...I can't believe this girl has the nerve to invite so many people. What is she thinking???

    Hey, what about having it a park? Even if it's chilly....then they won't hang out for long. Good luck. Keep us posted!
    Maybelline Jones said...
    6:05 AM  
    What would I do? Run. Run fast and far and hide. This won't get any better - you've got a bridezilla on your hands.
    maddie said...
    9:23 AM  
    sally, the invites have not gone out yet, but i think the are supposed to this weekend. the girl has said she will cut down the list, but i can only imagine that will be by only a little, like 10 people.

    my mother has never done anything like this, so she has absolutley no idea what she is in for and she is such a nasty person that no matter what i try to do, it will be wrong.

    she doesn't even think a cake is necessary, or games and thinks that presents don't need to be opened at the shower. and she thinks i have no clue about entertaining, even though i have put on numerous events and oh yeah...my wedding. you were at that. she didn't help one bit. that was ALL me. i have quite an event planning background and this is going to be an utter disaster, mostly because she is such a mean and nasty person.

    she loves to be the martyr and say "oh, no one helped me" even if people did. then my father will jump on her bandwagon and get upset with me for not helping. it's just a mess.

    maybelline, i totally agree. i just wish i could. sigh.
    Anonymous said...
    11:06 AM  
    What I would do and what i suggest YOU do, grasshopper are two entirely different things.

    I will spare you the ideas about what I would do, coz this is a family friendly blog despite all the references to Jooooohn Tayyyla and frequent dropping of F bombs.

    What YOU should do is this: nothing.

    Ask yourself this question: what is your ability to affect any change in the situation? Very little it sounds like.

    The good Lord done told us all long ago to do as much as we can with things we have control over, and fookin dont worry about shit that is beyond our control.

    You have a bun in the oven, and he needs you to be healthy both physically and emotionally.

    If you tear-ass down to G-Dale to try and save the day, you will exhaust yourself, and i bet you a donut you wont be able to change one iota of Mom's plan or behavior. worse yet, the more you try to intervene to stop this potential train wreck, the more mom will blame you if it blows up.

    You should tell mom by phone about your reservations and maybe make a few suggestions. then you should stay out of the way and let the world turn.
    Terry said...
    3:50 PM  
    I agree... Being protective of your parents is wonderful but Honey, all you should do is offer suggestions at this point. If you were to actually get involved and be blamed.... would it not be less stressful to be blamed for not being involved?

    No cake, games or gift unwrapping?? It already sounds like it is off to a bad start...
    Anonymous said...
    3:50 PM  
    take everyone to see rambo IV...seriously it will save costs and effectively kill any desire to celebrate...pure carnage
    Gina said...
    10:52 PM  
    Unfortunately, your parents are not at an age where you can take over for them! Hopefully, maybe your mother will learn a bit of a lesson from this. And, I hope that Ms. Bride cuts down the number A LOT!
    Anonymous said...
    1:59 PM  
    Save yourself the stress and just don't go. This way you'll only have to hear about the gory details, not witness any of it.
    WendyB said...
    11:46 AM  
    I assume I'm too late with advice,but I just can't get over "whiskey tango." LOL!!!!

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