overwhelmed and tired.

Posted by maddie at 6:11 PM

i want to cry. i want to scream. but mostly, i want to curl up into a ball and hide under the covers with my cat.

i moved into a new office with my newish boss yesterday and to say it's been awful is a bit of an understatement. my other boss can no longer run interference since it's just me and the other guy in this tiny room. he's very condescending and is right about everything. he also loves to throw me ~ and others ~ under the bus. it's very tiring and annoying. and while i know i'm a smart girl, he has this uncanny way of making me feel like an idiot. i know it shouldn't stress me out, but it does. and since i can't take any of my meds, it really sucks even more. yes, i totally miss not being on lexapro and ativan. they help me an amazing amount and not being able to take them is really hard. i miss the sense of calm and wellbeing they bring me.

i do my best at dealing with my inner demons but sometimes it gets to be too much and i just want to run away from it all. but i know i can't. and i won't. i feel so alone. and tired. and often scared.

hubby doesn't understand so i don't bother trying to talk to him about how i'm feeling anymore. he always tells me i'm feeling sorry for myself, which i'm usually not. he has no understanding of depression and pretty much thinks i make it up whenever i'm saying i'm feeling down. for me, feeling down doesn't mean i'm feeling sorry for myself. it means a lot of things, but it's just too overwhelming at times. like right now.

 

6 Comments:

  1. Heather said...
    8:28 PM  
    Well, I think this is karma. 1. Give him the finger in your pocket, under your desk, in a drawer. It sounds stupid, but, it will help. It's a fake it til you make it technique.

    My husband didn't believe in depression forever as well. Make him come with you to the doctor. We only worked it out when I forced him into couples therapy (I think I can save you a step).

    Oh, swear more (even if it's just in your head)!
    Sally said...
    6:05 AM  
    I'm sorry Shell...and the preggo hormones are not on your side on this one. Stink!

    I don't understand how people get into management who treat others like you are being treated. It drives me crazy! Why does he think he can treat people like that??

    Hang in there, and find something that helps you calm down (are you still staying away from coffee?) - music, hot cocoa, a walk, something. =)

    By the way, thanks so much for the awesome Easter card! I love it, and it's helping me realize spring IS coming - even though it's slow here in the midwest.
    Gypsy said...
    7:45 AM  
    {hugs}

    I'm sorry you're feeling so down and I hope things turn around for you soon.
    maddie said...
    7:56 AM  
    oh, revenant, you have no idea how much i already do swear. ;-) i'm pretty much a sailor. but i do like the flipping him off under the desk or in my pocket thing. i'm going to try that today.

    sally, it's not being pregnant at all. i'm this way when i'm not on my meds. one of my biggest fears about being pregnant, though, was having to go off my medication because i knew what the result would be.

    gypsy, thanks. hugs back to you!!
    Anonymous said...
    11:51 AM  
    michele - here you go. goods are guaranteed to elicit a smile:

    http://mfrost.typepad.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/2008/03/27/lucyrunning.jpg

    luv,

    John Tayluh
    Anonymous said...
    6:20 PM  
    so sorry it sucks right now. :(

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