skybluepink

well, i got up at noon today, sleeping longer than i ever have before. i don't feel much better than i did last night, but a little better is better than nothing, so i guess that's a start. i know that i need to get over the whole thing with my mom. i have tried really hard to do that but am having such a hard time letting it all go. the everything with miss fleurs, just really threw me into a tailspin. i wrote her an email last night, apologizing for being a jerk and explaining a little about how i've been feeling and haven't heard back. i also called her this afternoon and left her a message with my apology and a congratulations on her engagement. i really hope i hear from her soon, one way or another.

i just feel like there is a big whole inside with me and something is missing, but i just don't know what. i truly believe this is why i read so much. by reading, i am able to transform myself into another life, another place in time. that's also why i write. i can escape my reality and make up one for someone else.

i really do try to be a good person. an open and honest person. a happy person. and for the most part, i feel i suceed at these things. but, then there are days and sadly, a few weeks that throw me so far in the opposite direction.

i do have friends that are darling and supportive and honest in my times of self loathing and doubt, and i am so thankful beyond words for them. the most important thing about my friends is that they know i'm not trying to feel sorry for myself by hosting a big pity party. i'm just so out of sorts i don't know which way is up.

so thank you, friends, for your words, calls and the flowers that were sent from across the country!