skybluepink

it's the last day of the year so i figured i should post something. don't expect anything prolific, though, because that just won't be happening. i'm feeling much better today, thanks to spending pretty much the entire weekend in bed. i have seriously never done that before. hubby even joined me much of the day yesterday, just reading and relaxing. seriously. no hanky panky or anything since i was still feeling crummy. my phone was turned off as was the computer ~ it was great.

i'm at work today because i work a crapy hourly job. yes, i like where i work, but i hate that i am an hourly employee. it's been forever since i've been hourly, and while making a good wage, i hate it. being a slave to a time clock sucks the big one. and since i really have nothing to do since it is so slow, i have been waisting much time online.

hubby and i are just going to hang out and be low key tonight. some of our friends invited us over for dinner but we decided to stay home instead. we'll order in something special and call it a night. neither of us have ever really been big new year's eve people. too many crazies are out. i did spend several years working for phoenix decorating, which is the largest float builder for the tournament of roses parade, and spent my new years on the parade route in pasadena. that was a blast.

tomorrow i have to work. well, okay, i do get the day off, but i get double time if i work, so since hubby will be watching football all day, i figure it's best to get paid a lot for doing nothing. i can probably rig the tv in my office to watch the parade, so that will be fine.

my girlfriend at work today gave me the cutest photo of me and hubby at the work holiday party. i had such pretty hair back then. sigh. i know my newest haircut isn't that bad, but i do miss the old long locks. i know i still need to post a picture of the new 'do, and promise to do so soon. i was just feeling all crummy this weekend so it wasn't happening then.

i've been feeling rather pooie these past few days/weeks and i think it's just due to all the craziness that has been going on for the past few weeks. i sure am ready for this year to be over and for the new one to begin.

i am seriously dying. i feel like total crap. the minutes are crawling by. i just want to go home and go to bed. i am going to leave a half hour early since i didn't take a lunch. i wish i didn't have to drive 45 minutes to get home....

since today is the last thursday before the new year, i have decided to make a list of the things i would like to do next year. not exactly resolutions, but just things i would like to do.

1. join the local chapter of team in training and complete a half marathon.

2. submit something i have written to a literary magazine.

3. actually sit down and balance my checkbook whenever i use it.

4. go on a few more girlie trips.

5. go camping in the redwoods with hubby.

6. pay off my credit card debt that i have recenty accrued (ssh! don't tell hubby!)

7. rent a house at the beach for a week in the summer with friends.

8. start swimming again.

9. get another volvo.

10. become more spiritual.

11. get monthly massages.

12. go hiking more often.

13. pick up my violin again and see if i still know how to play it.

ugh. i feel so sick today. i was in bed by 6:30 last night and had the lights out by 7. i slept mostly throught the night with the exception of a few coughing attacks. i feel a bit nauseaous today as well. so much so that i don't want anything to eat or drink. i did just sent someone to get me some toast with peanut butter on it, hopefully that will help. i hate feeling sick, especially with nausea. waa.

ETA: so instead of just some toast with peanut butter, i was brough an english muffin with peanut butter and strawberry jam, a container of fresh berries, fresh squeezed orange juice, a small bottle of pellegrino, two packages of emergen C and a special coffee drink. guess i have already made a few friends here. and i must say, i am starting to feel better already. well, at least the nausea has gone away for now...

ugh. i am back to work and i SO do not want to be. i caught a cold last thursday and it still hasn't gone away. my head is all snotty and i just don't want to be here. besides that, it's super slow, so i really don't have much to do. but i don't have any more vacation or sick time left, so i've got to suck it up and stay. being an hourly employee really sucks. sigh.

my 5 days off went really fast. much of it was spent hanging out with the new kitty and taking naps. being sick pretty much zapped any motivation to do much of anything.

christmas was surprisingly calm. we ended up going to hubby's folk's house both christmas eve and christmas day. my mil didn't get hammered like she usually does, so that was great. the dinner was pretty bad though, like it usually is. as much as my mil thinks she has skills in the kitchen, she really does not. but, we were out of there nice and early, so that made me happy. hubby fell asleep on the couch shortly after we got home and was snoring heavily not too long after that. i decided not to wake him to open gifts, as we usually exchange them on chrismas eve, and let him sleep through the night.

christmas morning we woke up around 8 and did our gift exchange and napped on the couch. we headed back over to his folk's house for brunch and gifts at 11 am. we were back home by 1pm and i went straight to bed to nap. i napped for most of the day, then got the dreaded 'crap, i have to go work tomorrow' thoughts that ran through my head for the rest of the night. i didn't sleep well at all last night so it's really making me drag today.

as for my biggest drama this weekend...i got my hair fixed. i called numerous salons on monday and thankfully, found one that was open and could take me. the girl who did my hair was totally stunned at what it looked like. so, to fix it, she pretty much had to cut all of it off. :( my hair is soo short. i basically have a hair cut like posh spice, except in brown. it's very drastic. i'm still trying to get used to it. i'll post a photo later when i get home.

i hate my hair. i got it done on friday and i just hate it. i got it colored a darker brown, which looks slightly purple, and the cut is awful. i told the stylist ~ who i have gone to for 2 years ~ that i looked like joan jett. it's seriously awful. i am totally freaking out. hubby says i have taken my obsession with the 80's a bit too far. i told the stylist i wanted a change, but definitely did not have this crazy style in mind. i cannot go to work like this! hubby suggested i try his stylist tomorrow. i can only hope she is working. i know i should go back to my stylist, but she is taking the next 10 days off, then only works limited hours on tuesdays and fridays and i just can't wait that long.

ETA: i swear to god this is what my hair looks like right now. hubby said it is better that this goes undocumented, so i will not be posting an actual photo.

here are a few photos of sawyer. he's had a ton of energy this morning so it's been tough to capture him. he's definitely full of love and full of purrs. atty is slowly getting used to him being around, though he did just smack him on the head as they were both trying to reach for hubby's pop tarts. guess atty isn't ready to share his sweet treat just yet!

we got a new kitty yesterday and named him sawyer. (and i totally kept the name holly in mind if we found a girl) he's a fluffy little 6 month old black kitty with green eyes. he's darling and very adventurous. atty isn't so fond of him, yet. he definitely warmed up to finn much quicker, but i think he's not happy about about a different kitty being here and still wants to know where finn is.

sawyer has already knocked down our christmas tree, so good thing it's a fake one and the ornaments are kitty friendly. he seems to already know his name as when ever we call it, he comes running.

he has a nice loud purr, like finn did, and he's outgoing and friendly, though he likes to hide a bit. last night he slept on hubby's chest, which was great. atty has swatted at him a few times and has snarled a bit too. i hope he'll come around soon. i have one kitty on either side of me right now, both of them purring away, so hopefully they'll be friends sooner rather than later.

hubby is out snow shoeing with his brother today and took my camera, so i'll post pictures after he comes home.

since sally opened up the gift i sent her early, i decided to do the same. whoot! this is such a cool gift! she and i traveled to the south back in 1997.... and did a fantastic whirlwind tour of georgia, mississippi, louisianna and tennessee. during our travels, we stayed in new orleans a few days ~ one of the drunkest and definitely funnest times in my life ~ and it was such a blast. we had breakfast at the famous cafe du monde and boy did those beignets help our gnarly hangovers. i can't wait to brew some coffee and makes some beignets. thanks, sally!!!

i have to admit. i'm a total blog stalker. first i was a lurker, then i became a stalker. i only stalk because i find what people say interesting. i try to comment when i have something to say, but often find myself bored, thus going to certain sites WAY more than advisable. i hope i'm not freaking anyone out. but i just can't help myself from clicking over to certain sites to see if they have been updated or to read all the comments.

so i've been in a bit of a pissy mood since last night. i don't really know what has come over me, but people are just pissing me off more than nomal these days. sometimes i think i'm just surrounded by idiots. anyhow, here is a list of things that i wish i could say to people, but unfortunately (or maybe it is quite fortunate) i have too much tact to do just that.

* you seriously need to stop drinking. you are so out of control every time you drink, which is daily, that your family is suffering insurmountable damage. are you really that selfish not to see that?

* grow a friggen backbone and tell her to back the fuck off. she has no right to treat you, me, or anyone else that way. if you don't stand up to her, the situation is only going to get worse and make everyone around her more miserable.

* just because i haven't logged onto my im accounts in a long while does not mean that you cannot get a hold of me other ways. i still answer my phone and my email. do not get all passive agressive saying 'well, i guess i'll have to read your blog to see how you're doing' instead of calling or emailing me.

* don't act all surprised that i have other friends besides you. seriously. i like people. well, some people. and too much of any one person will drive me nuts.

* i need things to be recipricated for our friendship to work. i never mind driving out to see you, but having to go to your place each and every time drives me nuts. driving to mine won't kill you. and seriously? can you pay for something sometime? in the begining i paid for things because i was feeling kind and generous, then somewhere along the way i began to feel taken advantage of, like you were expecting me to pay. stop that. it's annoying and i don't want to play with you anymore.

* i know you think i only like one restaurant in town, but really? i like a lot of them. you can ask me what i think instead of assuming that's the only place i like.

* just because i'm in AA doesn't mean i live and breath the program. yes, it helps me tremendously, but no, it is not the only thing in my life that keeps me sober.

* you really need to eat because you are grossly skinny. it's so not attractive. try a cheeseburger. they're really good.

* you say you are divorced, but how are you still sleeping with him and carrying on like you are still married? am i missing something here?

* why did you fight to get his pension when you divorced? you took everything else. he deserves at least his retirement! selfish bitch.

* you have confirmed to me why we never lasted when you barely made a comment when i told you about how awful the past 3 weeks have been for me. you should really learn what compassion means because your heart is so dark and cold.

* you need to get over yourself. you are seriously not as great as you think you are. you can't even lead a meeting without confusing everyone in the entire room.

* just because you drive a fancy car does not make you a desireable person. you are the epitome of an arrogant prick. just seeing you makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

* you have lived in this country for over 15 years and still can't speak a lick of english. learn the fucking language. because seriously? if i moved to another country, i would be expected to learn that language, especially if i was living and working there.

* your bad grammer is driving me up a fucking wall. i cannot believe the emails you send me. i almost always have to write back asking you to explain yourself because i can't understand a freaking word you have written. doesn't that give you a clue?

* stop acting like you know me so well. you do not. you only assume things about me, which most of the time, are dead wrong. if you actually listened to me instead of interruping me, you would know more.

* how do you not see that your husband is a complete idiot? it's not normal for someone to be off work so much and always on worker's comp. of course the insurance company is following him!

sigh. okay. i guess my rant is over for now. i do feel better for doing that, though. and look. it's time for lunch! mmmm.

Awwwwww! Maybelline just bestowed on me this wonderful award. my heart is just so warm and full right now. thank you so much, maybelline, and right back atcha! you have most definitely made my day. and to think, i was going to write an angry rant...now i will not have to because you have cheered me up so!

this award is given to blogger friends who are there for you through your ups and downs and don't bestow harsh judgements or unkind words. they are friends who are true blue and have a friendly voice among the crazy ones in the chatterbox of life. this is such a kind award and will definitly make me smile for a long time to come.

i would now like to pass on my warm and fuzzy feelings to my true blue buddies: sally, terry, maggie, gypsy and gina. thank you, girls, for being my true blue blogging buddies!

so it has been decided. we're going to get another kitty. i'm going to the animal shelter on friday to pick out a new little buddy. atty definitley needs a pal and hubby really wants one, too. hubby wants me to go pick one out by myself because he doesn't want to feel like he is replacing finn. he knows the new kitty won't be a replacement, but he just doesn't want to be there. i do understand, so it's fine with me. and besides. when we were at the shelter last weekend, we saw several kittens that we liked so i'll probably pick one of those. i'm taking friday off because i need to get a few things done before christmas, so it works out well to go to the shelter that day. i have to take atty in to the vet in the morning to get a vaccination, our new housekeeper is coming at noon (more on that below) and i have a hair appointment at 12:45, so when i'm done with all of that, i will go to the shelter. i'm looking forward to going as it will be good for all of us to have a new little one pouncing around.

i went to the post office before work this morning to mail two more packages for christmas. my girlfriend was going to come visit this weekend and she came down with a horrible cold, so i had to sent her gift as well as my parent's as she was going to take theirs down. but i'm not worried about the packages arriving on time since they are only going to LA. i'm sad i won't see my girlfriend this weekend, but i would rather see her healthy than sick. besides, i know we'll have another girlie weekend sometime soon.

i decided yesterday to participate in the local chapter of Team in Training. i feel really out of shape and this will be a great way to motivate and do something i enjoy for a cause that is worthwhile. i will go to an informational meeting sometime in the begining of january and will start training shortly thereafter. this is the race i will be training for. i am going to train for the 1/2 marathon. the longest distance i have raced before is 10k, so this will be extra challenging for me. also, the last time i have run was for said 10k this past july. needless to say, i need a lot of help and motivation to get me ready for the race in may. once i officially sign up for the team in training, look for a place you can donate to my cause. :)

last night my mil came over to introduce me to her housekeeper. as a christmas gift, we asked for a housekeeper instead of any other gifts. my mil arrived early and was so wound up, it was silly. she perched herself on the edge of the couch, handbang in hand, waiting for the housekeeper to arrive. she asked me what i would like the housekeeper to do and i said the usual; the floors, dust, vacum, mop, the dishes, the bathroom, ect. she was surprised that i wanted the housekeeper to do the dishes and make the bed. wtf? why would i housekeeper who didn't do those things? she then said i should pick up the house before the housekeeper comes each week. um...what? sure, i'll pick up my clothes off the floor, but seriously? the rest is for the housekeeper to do. i don't need her to do the laundry, but that's really about it. when the housekeeper and her son arrived (she doesn't speak english so her son has to do the translating for her) they were super nice and my mil looked clearly uncomfortable. it was so odd. this gal has been cleaning my mil's house for almost 15 years. whatever. i'm just happy that she will be cleaning ours, too. she starts this friday and i am SO looking forward to it. to have my weekends bicker-free, will be amazing. when i told hubby how his mom acted, he laughed. he told me she totally cleans her house before the housekeeper comes over and recently cleaned her carpets the day before a professional company came over to deep clean the same carpets. she is clearly nuts!

i was tagged for this christmas meme today by maybelline and it couldn't have come at a better time. i need something to get my mind off of my little finners.

“When people say ‘Christmas’ you immediately think…” being cozy and warm at home with loved ones, a roaring fire in the background, a big christmas tree all lit and decorated filling the room with the glorious scent of pine, delicious smells coming from the kitchen, drinking warm spiced cider, christmas carols playing on the radio, a nip in the air, misteltoe haning in the doorway...

“Favorite Christmas memory…” having friends and family over for dinner and sneaking away from the table to check out my gifts under the tree. i was sure one of the boxes contained a much desired cabbage patch doll so i kept peeling back the corner of the package until i knew what it was. i thought i was so clever, but i'm pretty sure everyone was on to what i was doing.

“Favorite Christmas song/carol…” walking in a winter wonderland

“Favorite Christmas character…” st. nicholas i always liked that he came to see the children at the start of december to leave them fruits and chocolate if they had been good and coal if they had been bad.

"Favorite Christmas movie..." it's a wonderful life, a christmas story and christmas vacation

“Favorite Christmas ornament/object…” we have an ornament from each place we have lived while we have been together ~ san luis obispo, sacramento and san francisco.

“Plans for this Christmas…” just staying mellow at home. christmas eve is always just hubby and me. we'll hang out, have dinner, open presents then go to midnight mass. christmas day we'll go to his parent's house for brunch and more presents.

“Is Christmas your favorite holiday?” hmm...while i do like it a lot, i also really like the 4th of july, too.

i'm going to tag sally, maggie and terry because i think they would play along. :)

i found this wonderful website last night and ordered a garden stone for finn. i also ordered hubby a keychain and me a charm bracelet in which we can put a tiny bit of finn's ashes to keep him with us at all times. hubby is taking finn to the vet today at noon to have him cremated. i said my goodbye to him this morning just before i left for work. he was in a garbage bag in the garage and i put on my gardening gloves and pet him lovingly goodbye.

i know he is in a peaceful place in heaven, chasing critters of all kinds and taking long naps in the sun with hubby's gramps. when we get the ashes back, we will spread them in the redwood trees finn loved to climb. in the short time he was alive, he brought such joy to us. he was a happy kitty who was never moody or distant. he was a free spirit who loved to play. to us, finn was love. he purred like he had a jet engine inside him and had so much fur, his fur had fur. he was a tiny kitty, weighing in at only 8lbs, but he had so much love inside of him, you would think he was the biggest animal in the world.

i have never seen hubby sob so hard for so long before. finn was his buddy, much like atty is mine. but finn loved everyone. in a matter of seconds, he was rolling at your feet for you to pet his furry tummy. he would follow hubby around the house and into the garage, never leaving his side. he would nap on top of our water heater and hubby has been saying that the water just isn't getting warm enough because finn isn't there to help keep it warm.

thank you, all, for your kind works of support and understanding. i have never lost a pet like this before. it's one thing when your pet is older and has lived a long full life. i'm not saying that is any easier, just that it's more expected that they will pass on. finn was only a year old when his spirit floated away.

but something odd happened the day he went missing. atty started purring incredably loud. much louder than he ever had before. we seem to think that perhaps finn was saying goodbye through atty that day.

our neighbor called this afternoon while hubby was at the office and i was at the grocery store. hubby left work immediately and went home to identify the lifeless little body that was once our beloved finn. when he decided it was time, he called me and told me what we feared the most. i broke down instantly as i walked numbly out of the store, leaving a full cart of groceries behind. tears streamed down my face as i sat on the curb waiting for hubby to pick me up. he wouldn't let me see finn, telling me to remember him how he was. we went to church and lit a candle for our little free spirit who will be forever missed but never ever forgotten or replaced.

can you believe christmas is only 9 days away? yikes! are you ready? i'm not. i thought i was, but i'm clearly not. sure, our house is all pretty and decorated, but i'm not quite there on the gifts and goodies. hubby is all taken care of as are my folks and a few girlfriends. i have no idea what to do for my mil and i need to get two of my girlfriend's packages shipped out tomorrow so they get them in time. i've only sent out half of my holiday cards. and i would like to bake. i thought i was done with one of my girlfriends, but after going through everything yesterday, i feel that her gift is lacking so i need to get something else. she's coming up to visit me on thursday for the weekend, so i better get going on that. i also have to make sure my folks stuff is ready since she'll be taking their gifts down to them when she leaves on sunday.

luckily, i have all day today to get stuff done. hubby is going into work for a bit so i will have the house to myself. and yesterday we cleaned, so i don't have much besides some laundry to do today, though i swear the laundry procreates at night. sigh.

last night one of my bestest friends and her husband came to dinner and i gave her her christmas gift, so at least that was taken care of! speaking of dinner, we went to a yummy thai place in town and it was delicious. then we took a stroll around the plaza and it was so nice with all the holiday cheer everywhere. it was so good to get out and socialize, as we seem to rarely do that anymore. and hubby really likes my friend's hubby, which makes things so much better.

now on to some sad news...today is one week that finn has been gone. yesterday we took fliers around the neighborhood and put them in mailboxes and posted them on telephone poles for a good mile around our house. we then went to 3 different animal shelters in the county to see if he had turned up. luckily, he is micro chipped and all the places scan any critters that come in, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that he turns up. the absolute saddest place we went was the humane society. it made me want to adopt every single animal there. we noticed that no animal is there longer than a month. which means, if they don't get adopted....sigh. bad news. i also posted an add here. we just hope finn comes home soon. his little christmas stocking is waiting for him and so are all of us.

i'll post some holiday pics of the house in a bit...stay tuned!

one good thing did come out of my accident. i thankfully have people who care enough to keep me, my sheriff's report and any photos that were taken, out of the local newspaper. and trust me when i say i live in a really small town and that accident, which was seen by many, should have been front page news. or at least front page of the B section.

1. people showed up already drunk. apparently, there were several pre-parties where people got toasted as there was only wine and beer served at our party and god forbid someone go without hard alcohol.

2. while the invite said one guest per colleague, many people felt that didn't pertain to them so they brought along their whole family and all of their friends. no joke. i have never seen so many people i didn't work with at a work event.

3. boobies and short dresses were on great display by waaay too many people that clearly didn't look in the mirror before they left home.

4. apparently 'festive attire, no jeans' means white jeans and fedoras for the guys and bad 80's prom dresses with glittery make up for the gals. and no, they weren't in costume. they really thought they looked good.

5. everyone talked over the owner when he was giving a 5 minute welcome/thank you/ happy holidays speech. apparently no one understands that if it weren't for him, none of us would be employed there.

6. the catering company served food with plastic gloved hands. maybe that's because the food was so awful they didn't want to make physical contact with it. we were served dried up pieces of meat which were rolled up to resemble a filet on a plate with peas and dried out potoatoes. the vegetarian plates weren't any better either ~ still frozen eggplant slices on dried out potatoes.

7. non colleagues won raffel prizes that were for colleagues only. like 2 night stays at the ritz and $250 gift certificates to restoration hardward. nice.

8. instead of good music to dance to, after about 10 minutes mexican music was played for the remainder of the evening.

9. several colleagues decided it was a good idea to vandalize artwork at the event center we were at.

10. when i said to the girl who was sitting next to me that i thought the acoustics in the building weren't very good, thus not being able to hear the speaker very well, she said that was a big word i was using and didn't know anyone who talked like that. um...okay.

11. the same girl asked me if i had my cell phone on me because she had given the baby sitter my phone number to call in case of a problem because she and her husband don't have a cell phone, and was surprised when i said i did not. her husband later went to their car to use onstar to call home and check in on their daughter.

12. several people who had been 'let go' within the past year decided that they should attend the party and proceeded to get hammered and loud and no one did anything about it.

13. our table was had a nice dynamic going until a loud, obnoxious, drunk former colleague sat down and proceed to use her cell phone to talk to someone across the room.

*in case i haven't mentioned this before, i work at a 4 star resort so one would think we would employ some people with class. apparently not.

i am so freaking irritated today. i am seriously pissed off and cannot shake this mood. i got out of bed late because it was maybe 3 degrees in my house, to find hubby ALREADY in the bathroom. he's not supposed to be in the bathroom before 7 am (we only have 1 mini bathroom in our house and i leave for work before him, hence me getting the earlier bathroom time) and he was in there almost 25 minutes early, and since he doesn't know how to share, i did not get to shower today. and since i didn't shower yesterday....yes, i know. gross. whatever. i don't need to hear it from you, too, stop judging.

when i started getting pissy with him, he went into this whole "well, if you hadn't been sitting around on your lazy ass" wtf? are you kidding me? i'm sorry i've been sick lately. and where the fuck does he get off getting pissy with me when HE is the one who got into the bathroom early. he then started in on my that i never go to the grocery store anymore so there is no food for him to eat and he has to stop off on his way to work today to get something. oh, give me a break. the only thing we're out of is his beloved breakfast bars. seriously. like i'm the only one who can go to the store? are you kidding me? sometimes i seriously want to smack the shit out of him. i guess he only had a kindness threshold for about a week and a half because he is no longer being the tender, kind hubby he was right after my accident.

okay. rant over.

on a good note, i talked to my insurance claims adjuster this morning and we will be getting back almost the full amount of what we owe on the volovo!! this is fantastic news. we will only be out roughly $1k so we can start looking for another one now. thank the jesus baby for that.

okay, i lied. one more sad thing. we can't find FINN! he went out on an adventure on sunday and hasn't shown up since! normally he goes out at night and comes back in early in the morning or at the very latest, at dinner time, but we haven't seen him in 3 days! and it's been so cold and windy....poor little bugger! i hope he comes home soon. hubby went searching for him last night, to no avail.

yesterday i got to have lunch with my delightful friend lisa and i was so glad. i don't get to see her very often and she's leaving for an exciting journey to italy in january so i was even more happy to be able to hang out with her. later on i got to spend time with my sponser and we went to dinner, too, so it was a day of much fun and food.

today i sent off a bit of cheer to my favorite buddy in my old stomping grounds and am putting together a few packages that i need to send to the midwest and the south. i need to get those out this week to ensure they will get to their destinations by christmas. and now that we have our tree up, i can start wrapping the goodies i have at home and filling the stockings with care. (and yes, sally, you should fill up lucy and rerun's stockings!! both finn and atty have stockings that get filled!)

i'm going to see one of my bestest friends and her husband this weekend for lunch or dinner, and i can't wait. oh shoot...i better get her goodies all wrapped up as well! :) this work stuff is sure getting in the way. heh.

it might be 10 degrees outside right now (okay, so maybe that's a bit of a stretch. it's probablly 42) and i have to pee and the bathroom is totally far away....i better get up and go. if i pee on myself i'll only be warm for a second. ewww...wot?!

Guess who was in the hospital again this morning. I swear, this is getting old now. My boss took me in a little after 8:15am because my left arm and hand went numb. Shortly thereafter, my upper lip, tongue and much of my face went numb, too. I was in the hospital for a little over 3 hours, was hooked up to an IV, had blood drawn and had a CT scan. A lot of stuff for a girl who is hardly ever sick. Hubby came to the hospital and was a doll, again. I was diagnosed with a certain kind of migraine and now I can't remember the exact name. Anyhow, this all happened to me once before, when I was in college 10 years ago. But that time my stoke-like symptoms came well after the migraine arrived, and this time the symptoms were there before any sign of the headache.

We left my car at work and headed home. After I was tucked into bed by hubby and Atty, hubby went to the pharmacy for my prescription. I slept for most of the afternoon and woke up just about an hour ago. My headache was still hanging on, so I took a pill, and OF COURSE I had a reaction to it ~ I got a few hives ~ but, since the headache is now pretty much gone, I'd say those few hives were worth it.

But really? SIGH.

While I was napping, Hubby called my regular doctor and made an appointment for me for tomorrow at 11:15 am. But, since my car is at work, 45 minutes away, Hubby will drive me to work, I will stay for a few hours, then head back to town for my appointment. I was hoping to go in after my appointment, but I do not have a ride. At any rate, I have a meeting with the general manager at 9:30 am and we have postponed this meeting already twice, so it's best that I go to that. As soon as it's over, I'll head out.

I am SO OVER ALL OF THIS!!!!

* i wanted to sleep in soo much this morning, but it didn't happen. finn wanted to be let in at 6:50 am and i couldn't fall back asleep. sigh. well, i guess i did sleep in for 20 minutes....

* i started cleaning my house soon after i got the coffee going. it wasn't cleaned at all last weekend due to my accident so it was really a disaster.

* at 10 am i went and got my eyebrows done. what a difference that makes! i'm pretty again. heh heh.

* i was back home by 10:24 am and though i thought i had done a lot of housework before i left, i had so much more to do. i started in on the kitchen, which was an utter disaster, and got the crock pot going with a pheasant hubby shot in november.

* last night at my usual aa meeting, i was elected secretary. what that means is that i will lead the meeting for six months starting the first friday in january. and since this is a speaker meeting, i will need to find a speaker for each meeting for 24 weeks. i started making my list last night at dinner of potential speakers. i'm looking forward to this new commitment, though.

* i made a new aa friend at the meeting i went to last wednesday night and i'm looking forward to spending time with her.

* i sat down at 2 pm this afternoon and planned on getting together with one of my girlfriends and i totally fell asleep until after 5 pm at which time hubby woke me up to say the power had been out for some time. so, i never got to see my girlfriend and my house was freezing. i was totally disorientated when i woke and i think it might have been the first time i really relaxed since my accident. anyhow, i texted my friend because my home phone was dead and i was in no shape to talk to anyone...but i haven't heard back. we didn't have any set plans, but i still feel real bad.

* the power finally came back on close to 7 pm. i hope the phesant is okay. it still smells really good. i took a bath to get warm and want to get back into bed. it's supposed to freeze tonight and we only have one small portable radiant heater that hubby refuses to turn on in the bedroom. something about burning the room down, which is just silly. i may just plug it in after he falls asleep.

* i'm ready for a hair change and made an appointment earlier this week to get my hair done in two weeks. i have no idea yet what i want to do. i welcome any suggestions...

* i did 4 loads of laundry and 2 sinkfulls of dishes and i'm still not done.

* rescue remedy is the most amazing line of products. ever. rescue sleep is hands down the best sleep aid i have ever taken. i wake up refreshed and without even the subtlest hint of a drug induced hangover. i also have used the regular spray and the lozenges, both of which are sooo amazing.

* i made pillsbury cinnamon rolls this morning and finn loves them. i caught him several times on the counter eating the frosting off the tops of a few of them. silly kitty.

To the wonderful friends in my life for which i truly believe i would not be here without your continued love, kindness and unwavering support. i heart you all sooo much! xoxoxo (in no particular order)

well, i'm official at work now. i finally got my business cards. oot oot. it only took 2 1/2 months...but hey! that's okay.

yesterday was a nightmare day as i had to deal with princess and i seriously wanted to strangle her. her new name is the wicked witch because princess is just too nice of a name for her. anywho, i'm done with yesterday and moving on to today, which is already better. i bought eggnog this week and have been adding it to my morning coffee instead of my usual half and half and it's so darn tasty.

on my way home last night i shuffled through hubby's 6 disk cd changer, as i have brought music back into my drive, and came across an aa speaker cd. i normally prefer to listen to music rather than talk, but thought i would give the cd a shot. i thought it would be some normal circut speaker, but i was happily surprised to hear one of my favorite actors as the speaker. he had an amazing story. it was really good to hear, too. i finished listening to it on my way to work this morning then followed up with a new cd i bought over the weekend. i am definitely in the christmas spirit now!

i bought some homeopathic stress relief goodies last night at the local pharmacy. while i have taken traditional over-the-counter and perscribed things for stress and anxiety, my massage lady on monday night recommended this brand of goodies. i like that everything is natural and that it's mostly made out of flowers. i bought several of the products, so i will let you know in a few days how it all works. i also bought some new bath salts so i had a very delightful bath last night. i have had at least one bath a day since the accident and it sure has helped calm my mind and soothe my aches.

well, today was my first day back at work. i drove the trail blazer without the radio and didn't drink my coffee, either. i was a bit unnerving, but i made it. my heart beat extra hard when i pulled into work. as i parked my car, i couldn't figure out how to turn of some of the lights and had to call hubby twice to help me.

finally inside my office, i began to settle down. well, until my boss came in. he told me i could take my time coming back and he thought i should perhaps spend a little more time at home. then in a meeting a little bit later, his boss told me the same thing, which totally made me tear up. later, the hr director called to see how i was doing and two of my friends stopped by to check on me. i definitely felt the love.

i did leave work early today, just after 1:15 pm. the drive home was okay, except for the part when a large truck going in the opposite direction dropped a large cylinder from his truck that i had to swerve not to miss (i was on a two lane road). but, i stopped by mcdonalds on the way home and have been hanging out with the kittie nurses ever since. atty is letting me treat him like a rag doll, which i really appreciate.

but, on a better note, i am more than half way done with my christmas shopping. yay! i am done with my girlfriends, hubby and my mom. now i just have my dad and hubby's mom. hubby takes care of his brother and dad, so i'm off the hook there. i still have yet to tackle my christmas card list....

well, something has definitely set in, though i'm not sure what.

my outing with my mil was good. i was a bit shaky at the start, gripping the steering wheel much harder than necessary and feeling my heart race as we wandered around the plaza, but it was good. mil was very nice and it was really pleasant. i found a few goodies for friends and my mom. i also bought a fantastic pair of shoes for my upcoming holiday party at work.

i had to hit the grocery store on the way home and for some reason, that was a little hard for me. i was in and out quite quickly, but it still unnerved me a bit. i don't think i'm depressed, but i'm definitely feeling something. i am still so thankful to everyone who has been so kind to me, especially hubby. mil even gifted me her massage appointment for tomorrow night AND is paying for it. i'm nervous about going back to work tomorrow, though i don't know why.

my perspective on things have definitely changed, now that i realize just how much can really change in the blink of an eye. experiencing this scariness first hand has definitely left an impact on my thinking.

today is the first sunday of advent. i grew up catholic, but have since stepped away from the church. while there are many things i enjoy about catholicism, especially all the traditions, i often have trouble with so much of the fire and brimstone that seems to be everywhere. i am more spiritual than anything else and try hard to find my inner peace. i believe in so many things that i can't put my beliefs in one religious basket.

that all being said, i still find so much joy at christmas time and am always brought back to my happy memories, most of which include the church. growing up, my mom made a beautiful advent wreath with pinecones, berries and 4 red candles. we also had several advent calendars that i would open each day of december. our house was decorated in more of a german traditional style than american and i try to emanate that in my own home. a few years ago my mom sent me an advent wreath like the one at she has and last year i found the same carousel she has.hubby and i got down our christmas boxes yesterday and we're going to decorate the house today. i was still hurting too much yesterday to be of much help, so we decided to wait until today.



hubby got up super early to go hunting while i slept with the kitties. at around 7:30 this morning, our power went out, which was great, as it was only in the mid 30's. so that mean no heat and most sadly, no coffee. i hung out with the cats, who still haven't left my side and cuddled until the power went back on, shortly after 9 am. i guess the power has been going out more and more recently as we have an enormous flock of starling birds who have taken to landing on the electrical wires all at the same time and flying off at the same time which causes the power wires to pop and cut all power. it's quite eerie to see them flying around all together. it's like being in the birds.

well, i'm off to do a little christmas shopping with my mil. she called a few minutes ago to see if i wanted to go for a bit and since i haven't really been out of the house since my accident, i think that it's good that i get out. it will be my first time driving, so a little jaunt into town will be good for me. like a test run for going to work for tomorrow.

today is the first day i'm starting to feel a bit normal. i'm still as sore as can be but my spirit has lifted considerably. hubby as been amazing, as have the kitties. hubby has gone above and beyond in his caring for me, which i am so thankful for. atty has not left my side, which is much needed as well. both he and finn slept on me for most of the day yesterday. we all slept as a family in the living room for the second night in a row ~ the L shaped couch we have is more comfortable for me than the bed right now ~ so hubby slept on one part of the L and i slept on the other and the kitties slept in between us.

today i have gotten up and about and am working through the soreness. i have started some laundry and helped hubby take down the christmas decorations from the attic. my entire upper body is screaming at me, but i can't lay down anymore. i know i will take it easy today, but i have to move around a bit.

i haven't been on the computer since thursday afternoon, so i have a lot to catch up on as well. my previous two posts were done via my blackberry on the couch. i have waded through a ton of mail from the past 3 days ~ this time of year is especially bad with all the various cataloges and random mailers ~ and have had to pay a bunch of bills. it's amazing how much piles up after just a few days. i have literally done nothing since wednesday night, so i have a lot to catch up on. i never realized how much i do at home on a daily basis.

holy crap. i just realized it's december 1. crap. not only do i have to pay rent today, i also have to start in on my christmas cards. well, luckily i can do those from the couch.

Never have I been so scared. Never have I shed so many tears. Never have I felt so much love from everyone around me.

As the day progressed, my aches and pains worsened. Purple bruises appeared on my right arm and hip. My neck and back are incredably stiff. My right temple has a large goose egg from where I smacked my head on who knows what in my car as it spun around and around after being t-boned by a car going over the speed limit.

Today I looked at the accident location and the guy didn't even hit his breaks before he slammed into me. My eyes stung for much of the day from the deployment of my side curtain airbag. I was advised to wear my glasses for the next few days so my eyes can heal.

I had an outpouring of love that made me cry so often simply because it touched me so much. My work even sent me a beautiful arrangement of flowers. Hubby went and got me mc donalds french fries because I can't open my mouth very wide because of the pain from my goose egg.

While laughing hurts, I am glad to laugh because it makes some of the scary go away.

And even though I still have my saturn and it gets great gas mileage, I don't ever want to drive it again. The safety oi felt in the volvo is unbeatable. As soon as we get the insurance money, we are going to buy another volvo. For the time being, I will be driving hubby's trail blazer.

I am still weak and mentally exhausted, but am moving forward. Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts. I cannot express how much your kind words mean to me.

I got into a really bad accident last night right in front of my house. My new car is toatled. I am really sad. It was really scary. I'm banged up a bit but otherwise ok. I didn't know I had so many tears inside. Thank god I was in a volvo.

we have a christmas tree here at work and on it are tags with childrens ages and genders. you are to take a tag and buy a gift for a well deserving child and our company will then donate all the gifts and several food baskets to a local charity. the tree is called 'the giving tree' and as soon as i heard that i knew exactly what gift i was going to give.

as i excitedly told a colleague about my bright idea, she gave me a total deer-caught-in-headlights look as she had never even heard the delightful story that has warmed my heart for so many years.

the Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein is one of my most favorite childhood books and i thought this would be the perfect gift to give a child so i choose a tag for a girl aged 7-9. i also adored his other books, Where the Sidewalks End and A Light in the Attic.

i then asked two other colleagues if they knew of the story, or of the other two books, and sadly, neither of them had. i couldn't believe it! is it just me? does no one else know these wonderful books? please tell me you know them! i started to doubt myself if getting this book would be a good idea. would the child think i was an idiot for buying a book instead of a toy?

i'm so sad that kids these days have so many plastic toys, cartoons, video games and other things that preoccupy their minds when they could be playing outdoors or reading a good book instead.

a few weeks ago one of my girlfriends asked if i had a christmas wish list and i never responded, because, well, i totally forgot! i really don't want for much, but i there are a few things that i woulnd't mind having. :)

i have wanted a new outfit like this because the one that i currently have is so worn and loved. but i am happy to say that when we were away last weekend, there was a boutique that had these darling outfits at 30% off so hubby bought me one and i can't have it until christmas.

i would also love a gift card so i can go here whenever i want, which is quite often.

this store here is one of my most favorites and i like pretty much everything they have to offer.

i also really need a wall calendar for my office at work. awww isn't this one cute? this one is really pretty. this one is very classic and this one is just plain cool.

i can always use one of these to help with my constant need for new music.

some new bubble bath like this would be most delightful.

and i would love one of these for my new car keys.

owning all 3 seasons of this show would be awesome.

a gift card here would be fantastic as well because i can never have enough to read.

how cute and warm are these and these and these!

and these would be a lot of fun.

since i have been feeling extra squirrley these days, i decided it was time to watch some other folks who were having troubles as well. as i was watching this show last night i was hit with a sense of sorrow for sylvia. watching her made me realize, again, what a mess i was when i was drinking. as i was so often in a blackout, i didn't always know what i was doing or how i was acting. while the desire to drink has not gone away, i have been keeping strong. the past few days have been especially hard on me and i'm not really sure why. nothing has been provoking me, i'm just feeling that insatiable need for a drink. a voice inside my head says, "go ahead. have a drink. no one will know." but i can't. and won't. for if i do, i will surely spiral out of control to an oblivion that i want no part of.

there are people who say i should "turn my will and life over to the god of my undertanding" and while that's all good and fine, i am a firm believer in myself. i work hard for everything i achieve and damn it, i'm sober because of me, not because of a higher power. it's me that's not taking that drink. it's me that's drinking coffee right now to fight of that strong desire. it's me that's going to have a smoke soon. sure, i want enlightenment, but i really don't think something out there will stop me from drinking. maybe i'm just some big nonbeliever, but damn it. why don't people ever admit that they can do things themself without giving a higher power all the credit?

it seems like every day there is a new organization supporting some cause or another. while i don't have a lot of extra money to spend, i do like to donate a little to a few worthwhile causes.

i always give my friends who are doing events, like leukemia bike rides and runs for different cancer cures, a donation for their efforts (and of course for the cause).

both hubby and i enjoy running 5k and 10k races supporting different causes as well. it makes me feel good to give what little i can. we adopted both of our kitties from the animal shelter in town and that makes me feel so good to know they were rescued and are in a loving home. and we always give our gently used clothing to a local charity in town.

the first day back to work after a few days off is always hard. especially when it's a brisk 32 degrees outside when you leave the house at 7 am. luckily my new car has toasty seat warmers. so that was nice. but work was just a ball of frustration for me today. over the days i was off, my boss decided to tackle the pile of invoices and purchase orders i had on my desk, which incidentally are totally my job to do, and totally and utterly made a mess of them all. and he didn't do just a few of them, either. he did about 20. sigh. each and everyone had numerous mistakes so i had to spend much of the day doing them over. not only that, he also made errors on the two spreadsheets that back up the documents. sigh. he said he was bored and was looking for something to do. sure, that would have been fine, had he done them correctly, but since the accounting system had changed last week and he hadn't bothered to be updated....well, i was left to clean up the mess.

today was just a day of miscommunication that left me frustrated for much of the day. but, i am glad to be home now with my kitties. hubby is off getting his month massage so i have a bit of quiet before he gets home. i have my little heater ~ or god as atty sees it ~ going. atty is just the funniest thing. he sits as close as he can to the heater with his two front paws stretched out as far as they can go underneath the heater. it totally looks like he is paying homage to a god. hehe.

i am feeling antisocial again and just want to stay in the piece and quiet of my little home. on nights like these i don't even turn on my messenger accounts. i don't want to have online conversations with my friends. i just want to tuck away without anyone bothering me. needling me. pestering me. questioning me. i don't have many friends online, and i actually know them all in real life. a few of them are so negative, with things always going wrong in their lives, that i don't like to talk to them so much. there's always some drama and i'm so over it. and it always seems like we have the same conversation each and every time. seriously. if your life is that bad, change it. do something about it. i'm sick of the complaining. and really? i don't care anymore. if you're not going to change anything, then i don't want to hear about it anymore.

and no, i'm not pouting. i'm just being me.

well, i'm back. the trip was wonderful. our room was on the top floor and overlooked the ocean. it was breathtaking. it was so peaceful to hear the ocean waves lap up against the shore. hubby went for a run as soon as we arrived and i ordered room service, sat on the balcony and watched the ocean and my stress began to melt away.

that evening we headed into town and took ourselves to see the darjeerling limited. since it was thanksgiving, the town was virtually empty. that night we ordered room service for dinner and went to bed. on friday we slept in and lounged around until mid morning, enjoying the fresh sea air that floated in through our open window. by midday we headed back into town and did some shopping. i made purchases for several friends for chrismas and bought a few goodies for myself as well, because really, what would shopping be without buying something for myself, too!

then came the biggest purchase of them all. we bought a car. yes, you read that right. we bought a 2003 volvo xc 70 cross country. oot. the car is beautiful, and all mine. it took several hours and the deal was done. hubby didn't want his name on the application, yet he is paying for the car, so it made me feel extra good that we were able to purchase the car based purely on my credit score ~ which, by the way is 793. and because my credit is so good, we got financing at 5.9%, which is beyond fantastic.





so now we are going to sell my saturn and put the money we get from it back into savings. we put 3k down for the volovo and since we think that's what we can get for the saturn, we'll hopefully break even.

the rest of the weekend we hung out in town, at the beach and just relaxed. we ate and shopped and shopped some more. the weather was beautiful, mid 70's during the day and low 60's at night. this morning we left around 8 am and got back to town a little after noon.

hubby's folks came over shortly after we got home to check out the car. hubby's dad was excited about the car and hubby's mom sort of was. her first words were, " oh, i thought you were getting an suv." whatever. i try to like her, i really do, but i just can't. and she looked hideous! (mom jeans, with flower embroidery at the ankles, a big green sweater, an tan and purple polka dot scarf knotted at the neck, a big tan coat and grey fleece lined crocks. UGH! soo bad. so, so bad. oh, and a pair of weird glasses on a chain around her neck. and this is the gal who thinks she's oh so hip, too.)

anyway, as much as i love love love where we were, i am very glad to be home with the kitties. atty is snuggled against me and finn is curled up near me too. my mini heater is going full blast as it's freezing cold in the house. i'm still a little melancholy, even with the excitement of the car and nap is definitely in order.

i've tried my best to write everyday, but life kept getting in the way. i know i could have posted via my blackberry while i was gone ~ and i noticed that i missed monday somehow as well ~ but figured that i would rather post something good than something without any substance. besides, i didn't need to hear that i was somehow dependent on the internet from hubby more than i already do.

i was so wound up today and for no real reason, either. maybe it was because i realized at some point that tomorrow was thanksgiving and i'm off for the next 4 days. at any rate, i was pretty useless at work today. i had more squirrelly energy and it wasn't because of all the coffee and chocolate i had, either. something else is buzzing inside me. i just don't know what it is.

once at home, i chatted online with terry, with whom i hadn't talked to in a while, then headed out for my wednesday nite aa meeting. the meeting went well and a friend of mine spoke. i had never heard his story and it was really good. i could actually relate a lot to it, even though our stories are nothing a like. i was still full of weird energy then as well.

as we were leaving, hubby got on my case for being too flirty again. it bothered me because i really didn't think i was. he doesn't like my friend because he thinks he's weird, and so he got on my case for hugging my friend. he then commented that i was too flirty with a guy i work with when we went to dinner the other night. i know i was friendly, but i really didn't think i was being overly flirtatious. i do try hard not to be, but i told hubby that i'm just friendly in nature and that he's introverted as i'm extroverted.

by the time i got home, i was more mellow. i know i look for attention from others because i feel like i don't get it from hubby at home. he just doesn't look at me the way other people do, even my girlfriends. i took some advil pm to help calm me down and it's finally working a bit. i still don't know why i've been so wound up.

atty has curled up in my arms and i have my little heater going. i'm going to miss him while we are gone. i know it sounds silly, but i will. he's my little buddy who loves me unconditionally. and he loves to cuddle more than anything.

we're heading out tomorrow morning. hubby wants to get on the road early. check-in isn't until 3p, so we really don't have to leave that early. neither one of us is remotely ready to go, so hopefully hubby will actually sleep in a bit. but i can't wait to get to the coast. i really miss it. the ocean just calms and sooths me. maybe that's what i need.

i just want to curl up and stop time until i feel like being present again.

so after yesterday's whole car thing, i agreed to drive hubby's car. well. this morning when we woke up it was a warm 27 outside and i was excited as HIS car has seat warmers! oot oot. as i got my keys out to warm up the car, as it was covered in ice, he said "can't we start the car trade thing next week?" um nope. sorry, sucka. you get to drive the saturn today without the seat warmers!

today i was tagged by the superb sally and for this lovely meme, i am to tell you something about myself using words that start with each letter of my middle name. hmmm...here we go!

margaret

meticulous about everything. i am very detailed orientated. almost to a fault.

affable ~ i stole that word from sally ~ but i do believe it to be true. i am a friendly person.

responsible. if you call on me, i will be there. i know what has to be done, and i do it.

gracious. i try my best to act with class and kindess. well, most of the time anyway.

accountable. i am always accountable for what i do and do not do.

resourceful. i try to be like macgyver in figuring out what i can do with what i have at hand. see, sally, i really can be an engineer, well, except for that math part!

energetic. i really do have tons of energy. and it's not even from all the coffee i drink!

tenacious. i certainly do have a lot of spunk.

i'm now supposed to tag as many people as there are letters, but since i just tagged a bunch of you for a meme earlier in the week, i will not tag anyone now. but, if you do want to play, let me know so i will make sure to check it out!